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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a small child high and dry?

496 replies

SewhereIam · 13/09/2021 13:33

I give a lift to a boy in my dd's class, and drop him off after school. They live 30 mins from school, so I drive 20 mins in the wrong direction and then 30 mins on to school, and the same in the afternoon. We live a 10 min drive from school so it adds 40 mins to our morning.

I don't pick up my dd one evening after school, and don't drop off the following morning, due to ex--p's access. The mother of the other child has said I still need to do her school run as she has no other way of him getting to or from school. He is reception aged.

The child is always ready on time and is a lovely little boy, but nothing is contributed towards petrol etc and, while I don't expect it, I thought it was a short term thing while she sorted out suitable transport. It turns out I seem to be that suitable transport and she expects this for the rest of the school year!

I feel bad for saying that I will not collect her child.

OP posts:
Droite · 14/09/2021 09:22

I don't pick up my dd one evening after school, and don't drop off the following morning, due to ex--p's access. The mother of the other child has said I still need to do her school run as she has no other way of him getting to or from school.

There is only one possible answer to this, i.e. "No, of course I don't need to do your school run, that is your responsibility". I certainly wouldn't feel guilty about saying that. If she didn't work out for herself how to get her child to school from the moment he was allocated a place, that doesn't make it your problem.

SafferUpNorth · 14/09/2021 09:27

Just popping in to see if there's been an update from the OP, but it seems not..... I'm just being nosey! Grin

LimitIsUp · 14/09/2021 09:30

I am surprised that the thread is still here.

It's followed quite quickly after the thread concerning whether someone was unreasonable not to take her work colleague to and from work - that generated quite a reaction

backtoschoolagainagain · 14/09/2021 09:39

I agree, give her some notice (a few days?) and say you can't do this anymore as it's not working for you. You don't need to give a reason, just that it's not working for you is enough.

milkyaqua · 14/09/2021 09:44

I think all you need to say is you were asked to do this favour by another mother (who she'd already roped in), and that you are not able to do it any longer. Full stop.

diddl · 14/09/2021 10:25

@Fraine

So OP never came back her own thread. How surprising. Not.
She's probably too busy with all the extra driving!
HomeSliceKnowsBest · 14/09/2021 10:29

WTAF? Mumsnet just gets weirder and weirder lately.

sloutside · 14/09/2021 10:38

I was waiting on tenterhooks for the deletion notice but it never came.

JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome · 14/09/2021 10:47

Probably a stupid question but does the other mum realise you are going out of your way? Maybe she thinks you live closeby. That obviously still doesn't excuse her expecting you to drop him in when you aren't even going to the school. I am spineless and hate confrontation, so would say something along the lines of "I can't do X mornings a week as my ex-P has my DD and I have another commitment that morning" and then slip in btw I am not sure if you realise but I do live quite far away from you so probably can't keep doing this on a permanent basis but happy to help for a few days etc while you get yourself sorted. I would do it all by text as I am useless at having difficult conversations.

Battlingongraciously · 14/09/2021 11:08

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Sidehustle99 · 14/09/2021 12:35

A couple of weeks off school while the Mum organises transport won't harm the child. He's in reception it makes no difference to him. Please say you've put and end to this insanity otherwise you are enabling what appears to be a safeguarding issue. I am assuming you are not a registered chileminder/Nanny. You could end up in bother if you had a bump in your car for instance. Do you know if he has allergies...........

Whammyyammy · 14/09/2021 12:42

Jesus, you need to put a stop to this now. She is a massive CF! What happens if your child is poorly? She will probably expect you to still be her free taxi service. She chose a school for her child that is 30 minutes away, her problem..

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/09/2021 12:42

Why would the child have to be taken out of school while the parents organise transport?

FortniteBoysMum · 14/09/2021 12:53

You don't need to do a thing. She NEEDS to put her child in a school where she can take her child herself. Your going out of your way every day for her. Is she even paying you for this?

rosesinmygarden · 14/09/2021 13:24

Wow, just wow!

I'd send her a nice message, something along the lines of...

"I think there's been some confusion. I'm not available to pick up your son and drive him to school every day. I was doing X a favour by agreeing to it as a one off. I will not be available again so you'll need to make other arrangements."

AhNowTed · 14/09/2021 13:26

@rosesinmygarden

Wow, just wow!

I'd send her a nice message, something along the lines of...

"I think there's been some confusion. I'm not available to pick up your son and drive him to school every day. I was doing X a favour by agreeing to it as a one off. I will not be available again so you'll need to make other arrangements."

Perfect.

The absolutely neck on some people.

rosesinmygarden · 14/09/2021 14:59

And if she starts trying to argue, simply copy and paste your first message and resend.

Sydendad · 14/09/2021 15:07

I think I would do it the once as I would feel sorry for the kid, but would when dropping off have a face to face confrontation with his mother and just clearly state that you don't want to bee a free taxi service and wether she is working on sorting out transport or at least have a discussion how to make it workable and how she can contribute.

Battlingongraciously · 14/09/2021 17:52

Have we heard from the OP yet?

Mymapuddlington · 14/09/2021 17:54

Just say you’re sorry but it’s been a week, it’s not a long term thing you’re able to do and you hope she sorts alternative transport out

Saoirse82 · 14/09/2021 18:28

This is the craziest thing I think I've read on here! You sound lovely OP but you're being an absolute mug, she saw you coming a mile off! Kindness is a weakness for these types of cheeky fuckers. Tell her to piss off and organise her own child's transport, I can't believe the bloody cheek of her!

Snog · 14/09/2021 19:06

It's not a case of you leaving a small child high and dry OP.

He's not YOUR small child! It's not your responsibility to get him to school any more than it's your responsibility to feed him. Let his mother take responsibility for her child and his needs.

Ikeptgoing · 14/09/2021 19:17

You don't need to give notice, just stop doing it. You helped her out for a week. It is insane to go opposite direction to collect a child not even related to you & that you don't want to do. Twice a day!!! Cheek that she hasn't even covered any petrol costs. She is a CF. There are many about. How she gets HER child to and from the school she chose is her issue but it can't be bullying random nice parents at the gate who don't live anywhere near her ! And then expecting lifts forever more.

Please nip this in the bud. Tomorrow is the last day.
One of the joys of this age is that special time before and after school with your own DCs where they chatter ... not taxi service for random DCs! Your DD will be shattered.

IndieR22 · 14/09/2021 19:50

Have you spoken to the other parent OP?

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 14/09/2021 19:54

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