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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a small child high and dry?

496 replies

SewhereIam · 13/09/2021 13:33

I give a lift to a boy in my dd's class, and drop him off after school. They live 30 mins from school, so I drive 20 mins in the wrong direction and then 30 mins on to school, and the same in the afternoon. We live a 10 min drive from school so it adds 40 mins to our morning.

I don't pick up my dd one evening after school, and don't drop off the following morning, due to ex--p's access. The mother of the other child has said I still need to do her school run as she has no other way of him getting to or from school. He is reception aged.

The child is always ready on time and is a lovely little boy, but nothing is contributed towards petrol etc and, while I don't expect it, I thought it was a short term thing while she sorted out suitable transport. It turns out I seem to be that suitable transport and she expects this for the rest of the school year!

I feel bad for saying that I will not collect her child.

OP posts:
Goldbar · 13/09/2021 14:14

Wow. Be kind yes...to your own child. They're tired from school and you're losing an hour a day of time you could spend chilling with them (not to mention the cost of the extra petrol!!!).

What about after-school playdates/activities for your child?

ChargingBuck · 13/09/2021 14:15

The mother of the other child has said I still need to do her school run as she has no other way of him getting to or from school.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Nope.

It's the "still need to do her school run" that sticks in the craw, innit OP?

Don't feel bad.
Your CF has had since conception to make arrangements for getting her child to school.
Why she imagines you are responsible for it, I don't know.

You are already going above & beyond with your 40 minutes each morning, & she seems ungrateful for that - so why would you put yourself out on the one morning you don't need to do the school run?

ThorsLeftNut · 13/09/2021 14:15

You need to stop this altogether.

‘Sorry, I assumed this was short term and will no longer be doing it for you’

PicardyRose · 13/09/2021 14:16

Don’t give excuses as she will try to talk you round with a sob story, just text no more after today and then stop.

If she gets other mums to ask you, say you can’t do it.

Who cares if Your DD doesn’t get invited to Tobias’ birthday extravaganza (she would get you ferrying other kids around anyway) or you to her MLM parties (save money not having to buy shite).

GoWalkabout · 13/09/2021 14:16

I would say no and consider mentioning to school.

KingsleyShacklebolt · 13/09/2021 14:16

@TableFlowerss

You sound lovely….

But you must be a bit mad to offer this taxi service…..

No she doesn't.

She sounds like a total doormat.

Peace43 · 13/09/2021 14:16

Awooga Awooga .. cheeky fucker alert.

Just say no now. Stop being a doormat. Not your circus, not your monkeys. You don’t need to do anymore lifts at all - you already gone above and beyond!

TokyoSushi · 13/09/2021 14:16

Oh no OP, you need to stop this before it really beds in. Just say that you assumed it was very short term, it's more than doubling your journey time and you're not going to be able to continue. She is a massive CF, not even offering any money, I'm outraged on your behalf!

Beautiful3 · 13/09/2021 14:17

Omg you need to stop this, all of it. Otherwise you'll be doing it for the next 7 years! Please stop! Message her saying, "I honestly thought I was helping you out, until you had your permanent lifts sorted. I can't offer lifts any more, because its turning my 10 into a 40 minute journey, each way. I cannot afford the fuel, nor the time."

daisyjgrey · 13/09/2021 14:17

What? This is mad!

We share the share the school run between three of us as our girls have just started secondary and its a bit of a schlep, but it's a pretty equal division, if a bit ad hoc sometimes. It adds about 20 mins onto the journey once we've picked each child up but as it's reciprocated it doesn't really matter.

You've got yourself into a right mess, extricate yourself sharpish and avoid her from now on, no good can come of this arrangement!

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 13/09/2021 14:18

Absolutely not your responsibility!

As a one off yes.... every day an extra 40 mins? No way! Getting up and doing it when you're not even doing the school run! No contributions made! I wouldn't mind so much if the mum was overly grateful, offered petrol money but she seems a massive CF!

You are not leaving the child high and dry at all!

I think you explain whilst you have been happy to help, it cannot be a long term solution so you will help until the end of the week but then you can no longer help.

PicardyRose · 13/09/2021 14:18

That time could be for your DD whether it’s after-school play dates or activities, doing reading practice or just chilling at home!

MintyGreenDream · 13/09/2021 14:19

This is what buses and taxis are for

Plumtree391 · 13/09/2021 14:19

Has she actually said you 'have to' pick up and drop off her son or did she just ask if you would?

Obviously you don't have to.

Silverstreaks · 13/09/2021 14:20

You have been kind and gone out of your way to help this child but the mother is taking the piss. Best send a message saying you won't be taking her child to or from school in future. It really is her family problem and one she has had many months to think about and sort out. I'd make sure I'd tell other people about it too.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/09/2021 14:20

How in earth did you get into this situation?

If he’s reception aged he must just have started.

Don’t leave him “high and dry” in the sense of suddenly not picking him up one afternoon (sure you didn’t mean this!) but tell the Mum very clearly that yoh won’t be doing this from now on/ after this week if you’re being generous.

This child clearly needed to apply for a different school! Travelling that far to school is madness in itself, unless you’re very rural and that’s the nearest school or if some kind of crazy lottery system.

ArrrMeHearties · 13/09/2021 14:21

I'd be chapping the extra driving on the head and telling her you won't be her sons personal taxi anymore

catfunk · 13/09/2021 14:21

This is absolutely mental.
What happens when you or dc are ill therefore not doing any school run at all?

nellly · 13/09/2021 14:21

That's bonkers you need to knock it on the head ASAP, it's unfair on your child too to lose 40 mins before and after school!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/09/2021 14:21

The mother of the other child has said I still need to do her school run as she has no other way of him getting to or from school.

This bit is particularly shocking.

rainbowstardrops · 13/09/2021 14:22

Omg you need to stop this, all of it. Otherwise you'll be doing it for the next 7 years! Please stop! Message her saying, "I honestly thought I was helping you out, until you had your permanent lifts sorted. I can't offer lifts any more, because its turning my 10 into a 40 minute journey, each way. I cannot afford the fuel, nor the time."

This ^

listentomydeclaration · 13/09/2021 14:22

You just send her a text something like:

"Sorry, I am not able to take your child to and from school anymore. I was happy to help for a few days but it seems you expect this to be a long term thing, and for free. That is not reasonable so please source alternative arrangements".

Dixiechickonhols · 13/09/2021 14:22

How the heck did you agree to that? Hours a week extra in car and £££ extra in petrol. You must only be 2 weeks in at most time - stop now. Be firm. No I’m not going to school so won’t be collecting or dropping off Brian. It’s best if we stop this now.
It never would work - kids off sick, school activities, extra curricular activities or plain you needing to get home at a certain time.

Blackkbird · 13/09/2021 14:23

@listentomydeclaration

You just send her a text something like:

"Sorry, I am not able to take your child to and from school anymore. I was happy to help for a few days but it seems you expect this to be a long term thing, and for free. That is not reasonable so please source alternative arrangements".

This is perfect.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 13/09/2021 14:23

Please just say no!