Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a small child high and dry?

496 replies

SewhereIam · 13/09/2021 13:33

I give a lift to a boy in my dd's class, and drop him off after school. They live 30 mins from school, so I drive 20 mins in the wrong direction and then 30 mins on to school, and the same in the afternoon. We live a 10 min drive from school so it adds 40 mins to our morning.

I don't pick up my dd one evening after school, and don't drop off the following morning, due to ex--p's access. The mother of the other child has said I still need to do her school run as she has no other way of him getting to or from school. He is reception aged.

The child is always ready on time and is a lovely little boy, but nothing is contributed towards petrol etc and, while I don't expect it, I thought it was a short term thing while she sorted out suitable transport. It turns out I seem to be that suitable transport and she expects this for the rest of the school year!

I feel bad for saying that I will not collect her child.

OP posts:
Houseofvelour · 14/09/2021 00:23

@Fraine

So OP never came back her own thread. How surprising. Not.
I never understand comments like this. People do have lives outside of Mumsnet. 🤨
Fraine · 14/09/2021 00:26

I never understand comments like this.
People do have lives outside of Mumsnet. 🤨

Sure, they do, but when someone abandons their thread within TEN minutes of posting it and don’t come back even after 425 posts then you have to wonder why they bothered.

SD1978 · 14/09/2021 00:26

It has to stop- and quickly. You've done it for a week, after a different mum palmed it off on you, and now the mother is happy to continue having you do it. You are driving an extra hour a day for a child you've never met before- that's insane. You are not being offered any petrol money. You tell the mum that you will not be able to continue this and will not be doing it again. It's her responsibility to get the child to school, not yours.

TitsInAbsentia · 14/09/2021 00:27

Well she's given you the perfect 'in' now to tell her you won't be doing it AT ALL now!

Mamanyt · 14/09/2021 00:29

Think of it this way...you are not leaving this child high and dry, his mother is. It is not your responsibility to drive out of your way to haul this child, no matter how delightful he may be, to and fro every school day. IF he lived next door, I might feel somewhat differently (not out of your way at all, etc), but in this case, tell Mum that you can take him for X more days, and that's it.

Lalliella · 14/09/2021 00:34

Just say no. And cancel the cheque.

Lucythewonderdog · 14/09/2021 00:38

@Lalliella

Just say no. And cancel the cheque.
And take a PCR test just in case…l
QueenBee52 · 14/09/2021 00:48

@Lalliella

Just say no. And cancel the cheque.

😂🤣

mellicauli · 14/09/2021 00:49

So you spend 3 hours 20 mins every week driving someone else's kid to school. Over a school year that's 633 hours or £3,500 at minimum wage. On top of that day you drive 30 miles a day that's £900 in car costs you would be spending each academic year (over and above what you spend already).

So £4,400 a year..quite a favour for a stranger..I can see why she doesn't want you to stop..

NatriumChloride · 14/09/2021 00:52

@Croprotationinthe14thcentury

You should paint 'mug" on your forehead whilst running around for this cheeky freeloader. Honestly just say no can't do it anymore bye.
😂😂😂😂😂

I agree with this - you don’t owe this woman anything! Her kid, her transport issue to sort out!

milkyaqua · 14/09/2021 01:10

So it wasn’t even the child’s own mother who asked? The child is just being passed from one random family to another like the class hamster? This is mental, OP.

Looks like the one who passed him on pulled a swift one, to avoid being the one stuck in your position.

This will go on forever until you speak up and stop it. Of course you are not being unreasonable - there are people all over the country needing regular lifts, are you going to add them to your busy roster?! No!

Lucycantdance · 14/09/2021 01:18

I am finding this whole scenario extremely hard to believe tbh

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/09/2021 01:55

@Lucycantdance

I am finding this whole scenario extremely hard to believe tbh
Fell free to use the report button

OP you would not be leaving the child high and dry. You would be leaving the mother to her own devices, the mother who presumably applied to have her child in a school 30 minutes away when she has no transport (and believe me, she would have told you if she had no choice due to allocations).

Is your childs school exceptionally well thought of by any chance?

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/09/2021 01:56

*Feel

SaltySheepdog · 14/09/2021 02:10

How about explaining that the trips aren’t on route and add 40 minutes extra to each journey. You’re not in a position to his transportation on and you’ll need to let her resolve the issue.

simitra · 14/09/2021 02:10

So you did it on the basis of helping the other mum out as a one off but it is now on the way to becoming a habit? Time to draw the boundaries. If you are going to do this as a regular thing then you need some contribution to petrol to make up for the extra travelling.

So a win win situation for all. But there are times (illness/holidays etc) when people have to make their own arrangements

faithfulbird20 · 14/09/2021 02:46

Tell her the extra petrol cost is affecting you and also that your exhausted from doing the round. Poor kid but his mother should sort his transport out.

Eve81 · 14/09/2021 03:21

I feel so sorry for this little boy, his mother needs to sort her life out and find a way to get her child to school without imposing on other people.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 14/09/2021 04:43

Total CF.

Just stop it and tell her it's not workable any more.

Howshouldibehave · 14/09/2021 07:10

I feel bad for saying that I will not collect her child

Well, don’t. I don’t think anyone else would.

Meatshake · 14/09/2021 07:19

Unless he fell out of your fanny he's not your problem.

Pompom2367 · 14/09/2021 08:05

I would stop it op

TopBlogger · 14/09/2021 08:17

@Lucycantdance

I am finding this whole scenario extremely hard to believe tbh
I have reported and it is still here - so it must be genuine Shock
noprofessional · 14/09/2021 09:00

How ridiculous

LookItsMeAgain · 14/09/2021 09:18

@SewhereIam - did you contact the other parent yesterday letting them know where they stand in relation to the lifts? I'd go with what @MagnoliaBeige suggested way back on the first page of the thread. It's polite without being aggressive and should allow the kids to remain on friendly terms.

It's such a minefield though but you definitely have to put a stop to their CFery!