Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

To finally leave DP over this?

236 replies

Pnkpicklep · 12/09/2021 10:07

Bit of background, me and DP have been together approx 6 years. Have a toddler DS together, live together but unmarried. House we are living in is rented from my family.

Me and DP have been having some serious issues the past few months. He broke my trust in a big way, and then instead of just apologising he got quite manipulative and tried to turn the situation round on me. I wasn't having that and told him it was over between us. He managed to convince me to give it one more go and for the sake of our DS I agreed.

So things have been a bit awkward since then but slowly getting back to normal. Until yesterday, I got some bad news that a close friend is very sick. The diagnosis is life changing and potentially fatal (they are currently awaiting more results to see how bad it is) obviously this was extremely upsetting, and I really just needed my DP to support me deal with this so that I in turn could be there for my friend. However, he was just useless. Was not supportive at all, and just made everything harder as I was having to deal with his shitty behaviour whilst also trying to process this information about my friend. We argued about this yesterday with no resolution.

He had plans to meet up with his ex today (they are still friends and meet up every few months for a catch up. I don't like it but not the hill I was willing to die on) he was meant to take DS with him so that I could have a day to myself to get the house cleaned and tidied. He woke up this morning and asked if I really needed him to take DS with him - you know the way people seem like they're giving you the choice but they're really not. So he's left DS here, and now I'm just sat here crying at how he could be such an asshole to 1) abandon me to hang out with his ex when I'm struggling with things and 2) not even take DS with him like he said he would to make my load a little easier.

I just feel so alone, like I have no support from him and I honestly am feeling like I could just end it. I know if I speak to him about this he will make out I'm being massively unreasonable and he's entitled to hang out with his friends etc so AIBU?

OP posts:

QueenBee52 · 12/09/2021 15:25

@CaveMum

Get rid of him. Contact the family member you rent from and tell them you are throwing him out, ask for their help in removing him and getting the locks changed.

You deserve so much better, and so does your DS.

100% this 🌸

good luck ... you sound lovely and this is not of your making .. best wishes to your poorly friend 🌺

Yummypumpkin · 12/09/2021 15:30

There's at least three separate things going on here..I mean three separate ways you feel let down.

Are there more?

Is it feeling like you gave him a second chance and he is breezing on not knowing he is on probation?

I think spend some time thinking of all the things you feel let down over. I don't think it's just these three. Keep your thoughts to yourself for now but get them straight.

I'm sorry about your friend.

AgentJohnson · 12/09/2021 15:30

So it’s time to follow through with your original leaving plan, he’s wasted the opportunity to not be a dick. Come on OP, you can do it, life’s too short to prioritise someone who treats you like an option.

FlowerArranger · 12/09/2021 15:31

@madroid

Someone who kicks you when you’re down, who is unsupportive when you need them most is often emotionally abusive. They see your vulnerability as an opportunity to exercise power over you.

I would end it. You are not getting any form of support, you may as well be a single parent.

I agree.

Being on your own is much easier and more satisfying than being with someone who hasn't got your back.

MiaRoma · 12/09/2021 15:38

You really do have a very low opinion of yourself don't you?

Why why why would you put up with even one of the things he's done?

Pack his stuff

Put it outside

Lock the door

Tell him its over by text then block him on all platforms

Get the house locks changed tomorrow

Your poor DS having to live with this bad relationship .... so sad

pinkyredrose · 12/09/2021 15:43

I'd have his stuff outside for when he returns. He sounds a right selfish cunt.

TheChiefJo · 12/09/2021 15:48

Doesn't sound like he's ever really been a partner to you, OP. A partner should have your back, not gossip about you and undermine you. He's making life harder.

Original poster

Pnkpicklep · 12/09/2021 15:50

Thank you everyone for your replies, I really wasn't expecting such kindness. I've been out with my little one this afternoon enjoying some time together. I just got back and he isn't home yet and I've heard nothing from him. I know I need to end it, I've just got the panic of how will I cope with it all on my own

OP posts:

Staryflight445 · 12/09/2021 15:54

You’re already on your own lovely. At least actually alone you can spend some time finding your self worth again, having fun and one day you’ll meet someone who will treat you with respect and love and you’ll wish you ended this sooner.

QueenBee52 · 12/09/2021 15:55

@Pnkpicklep

you are coping in your own... look around you... he's with his Ex not his family..

You can do this 🌸

pinkyredrose · 12/09/2021 16:00

You already are coping on your own! And you're doing brilliantly. You don't need this unsupportive wanker wasting your time.

FlowerArranger · 12/09/2021 16:00

I know I need to end it, I've just got the panic of how will I cope with it all on my own

Dear @Pnkpicklep - it'll be sooooo much easier on your own!

No more walking on eggshells, wondering and worrying about what he might be up to and why he leaves you to cope with shot - not to mention not having to clean up his shit...

And remember....:

1forAll74 · 12/09/2021 16:13

I wouldn't split up because of this, Tensions are running high at the moment, maybe because of your upset, about your ailing friend etc..You need to see if anything can be done about your relationship problems in the main, before you make some drastic decisions about ending everything.

Nanny0gg · 12/09/2021 16:15

@Pnkpicklep

Same way as you are now as he's clearly neither use nor ornament.

Nanny0gg · 12/09/2021 16:16

@1forAll74

What would split you up then?

How low must the bar be?

TatianaBis · 12/09/2021 16:17

@Staryflight445

This.

Already on your own. It would be so nice to be on your own without someone being an arsehole to you.

justthecat · 12/09/2021 16:17

You are already on your own and worst still he’s dragging you down

lazylinguist · 12/09/2021 16:19

He sounds awful, selfish and uncaring. Any one of the behaviours you've listed wouod be enough reason to end the relationship. I really hope you do!

WallaceinAnderland · 12/09/2021 16:20

@CaveMum

Get rid of him. Contact the family member you rent from and tell them you are throwing him out, ask for their help in removing him and getting the locks changed.

You deserve so much better, and so does your DS.

It might not be that simple if he is on the tenancy agreement.

Skysblue · 12/09/2021 16:21

You don’t need a reason to leave, you just need to want to. Leaving doesn’t mean he’s crossed a line or ‘deserves’ it, it just means that you don’t particularly trust / fancy / love him anymore and don’t want to build a future with him. Only you know how you feel.

That said I would be very very upset if DH regularly hung out with an ex and very hurt in the situation you describe.

Pumpkinstace · 12/09/2021 16:34

So those posters saying leave him and you'll be free... she has a kid with him

I left my abusive arsehole, he just became a bigger arsehole that used the kids to execute his arseholery.. for 3 more years.

Be aware that might happen, although you won't have to live with it or will still be there. I'm not saying 'don't leave him', I think you should, he be warned its not an easy fix with emotionally abusive men.

Pumpkinstace · 12/09/2021 16:35

Sorry, lots of typos, emotional typing.

I think you get the gist

FlowerArranger · 12/09/2021 16:37

@1forAll74

Wow. Is your bar always this low? Or did you miss this:

a year before DS came along I wasn't feeling well, I was in so much pain to the point I couldn't speak. Turns out I was having an ectopic pregnancy. I had to drive myself to A&E because he didn't do anything, just sat and watched me in pain trying to talk to 111

I'm actually astonished that OP stayed after this...

FlowerArranger · 12/09/2021 16:41

@Pumpkinstace

So those posters saying leave him and you'll be free... she has a kid with him

I left my abusive arsehole, he just became a bigger arsehole that used the kids to execute his arseholery.. for 3 more years.

Just because your ex became an even bigger arsehole is no reason to stay though. I bet you're glad you're rid of him? In any event, this guy just seems selfish and emotionally unavailable rather than downright abusive.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 12/09/2021 16:46

Do you have anyone who can come over and be with you while you pack up some of his things and tell him to leave?
Personally I'd get the locks changed while he is out.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10