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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 3yo in park whilst going to the loo?

737 replies

DoormatBob · 11/09/2021 21:55

Not sure if this is an AIBU or more WWYD but was at a rural touristy attraction. When we arrived both DD (3, nearly 4) and me needed the loo. DD went then refused to wait for me and ran out to the play area (toilets were within the play area but not staffed/ticketed).

I told her to wait but she said no and was off, told me she was going on the slides as she legged it away! We've been there before so she knows where she's going.

I had to go to the loo and therefore she played in the park for 2 minutes unsupervised.

AIBU
YES - i should have got her back and made her stay with me.
NO - she is OK for 2 mins, she knows where I am.

What would others do? She is very independent and confident but it's just the safety aspect.

OP posts:
doublehelix · 13/09/2021 22:24

No way.

My daughter tried to run off (only managed a few metres) twice at that age. Both times taken straight home. 7 yr later she still remembers going home from the beach 10 mins after we got there due to her going over the actual "line in the sand". Didn't do it again though.

LemonPeonies · 13/09/2021 22:30

Why did you allow her to open the door and run out? Not a chance with me.

Seahorsemama · 13/09/2021 22:44

Are you serious? Wtf!? Never never never

K821 · 13/09/2021 22:47

I worry about the 7% who think YANBU!! Maybe 20/30 years ago this would be OK. I mean, it would still be careless but the world is a much more horrible place now.

Lysianthus · 13/09/2021 22:51

I’ve read all your updates and I sympathise. Obviously MN is not a balanced jury. You know it felt off, but circumstances are not so easily defined and judged. Don’t beat yourself up, she’s fine. Try perhaps to find alternative strategies in future, particularly as she might start to feel even more confident and push the boundaries further.

CallmeBadJanet · 13/09/2021 23:00

“she is very independent and confident”. She’s not 18, she’s not 15, she’s 3.

GreyhoundG1rl · 13/09/2021 23:05

but circumstances are not so easily defined and judged
Sorry?

Bunnyfuller · 13/09/2021 23:18

Who is in charge here?

If you can’t control your 3 yr old you don’t have a cat in hell’s chance above 12. Why not go in the cubicle together?

threatmatrix · 13/09/2021 23:53

Is this even real? I wouldn’t leave a four year old alone for one min. I can’t believe what I’m reading.

NinaGonk · 13/09/2021 23:57

Bloody hell no. She could have wandered off or been led off. I feel sick at the thought.

Parks are magnets for paedophiles. My friend is a probation officer, she is glued to her kids at parks cos of the people she deals with at work.

daiawndiolch · 14/09/2021 00:09

Wow! Are you insane? Surely this isn't real?!

olidora63 · 14/09/2021 00:38

@K821

I worry about the 7% who think YANBU!! Maybe 20/30 years ago this would be OK. I mean, it would still be careless but the world is a much more horrible place now.
I am one of the 7% ….I actually would be more concerned about traffic than the remote risk of a random person kidnapping my child 🤷‍♀️
savannahnights · 14/09/2021 04:30

@K821

I worry about the 7% who think YANBU!! Maybe 20/30 years ago this would be OK. I mean, it would still be careless but the world is a much more horrible place now.
Judging from the vintage True Crimes cases I have been binge watching lately, the world was just as horrible back then, it just seems like it was a safer time because unlike now, people were moved aware as the dangers back then since they didn't have access to news\crime stories from around the world, they only heard about news in their area and the high profile news stories\cases. If the internet didn't exist, people would most likely have the same mindset about safety that people back then did.
Pikamoo · 14/09/2021 04:51

No way! She's three. If she tries to leave the cubicle you physically restrain her. If you think she'll listen you tell her "we'll go home if you open that door" and you hope to god she doesn't open the door because then it's more shit for you than it is for her! I'd practice sticking to your guns in less high stakes scenarios eg at home so then when you're out and about she knows if you say something you will follow through with it.

starlight13 · 14/09/2021 07:17

Anything could have happened to her in a couple of minutes, she's 3.
I would have been sharing a cubicle with her if we both needed the toilet so that she couldn't leave without me.
You need to teach her at this age that she is not allowed to run off and explain to her why and what could happen to her.

Macncheeseballs · 14/09/2021 07:29

K821 - any statistics to prove the world is a more horrible place now? And given that most childhood accidents happen in the home with parents nearby, I would think 2 minutes unsupervised in a playground might just be statistically less dangerous

Pikamoo · 14/09/2021 08:15

@Macncheeseballs

K821 - any statistics to prove the world is a more horrible place now? And given that most childhood accidents happen in the home with parents nearby, I would think 2 minutes unsupervised in a playground might just be statistically less dangerous
Why do you think most accidents happen in the home? Do you think it could be because we spend the majority of our time at home? Or maybe because children are supervised less closely when they are at home?

I hate this black and white "statistically it's much more dangerous to X, Y, Z so therefore we should do A, B, C without a care in the world". It's like saying "statistically DD is much more likely to die in a car accident than by drowning in the bath so it's probably fine to leave her unsupervised in the bath for 2 minutes". Bonkers.

essexvicky · 14/09/2021 08:17

Who’s the parent here? Your letting your 3 year old make the rules. They need to listen and do as you say when your out in public if you don’t nip it in then I’d now your’ll have no chance of them listening to you at 6+

Generallystruggling · 14/09/2021 08:44

I would have run after her and brought her back to the loo. A 3 year old can’t be left unattended anywhere, especially not in a public place. Anything can happen even in 30 seconds.

MamanetNanna · 14/09/2021 08:52

Remember James Bolger? His mother only glanced away for a minute or two,and he was gone. There is never a time for it to be okay to leave a 3 year old on their own, especially in a very touristy area.

OoglyMoogly · 14/09/2021 08:59

DD is not a flight risk

Yet she ran off without you. If you can't control her now you'll really have problems as she gets older! Hmm

starrynight87 · 14/09/2021 09:22

No - she should be able to listen to you and come with you for 2mins.

professionalcockney · 14/09/2021 09:24

Never in a million years is this acceptable!

Also if you're a man, if you were desperate tho could've done it up a tree while she was in the park?!

professionalcockney · 14/09/2021 09:25

Desperate you*

Angiemum24 · 14/09/2021 09:46

Never would I leave a three year old on their own in a public place.