To leave 3yo in park whilst going to the loo?

[DoormatBob]

Not sure if this is an AIBU or more WWYD but was at a rural touristy attraction. When we arrived both DD (3, nearly 4) and me needed the loo. DD went then refused to wait for me and ran out to the play area (toilets were within the play area but not staffed/ticketed).

I told her to wait but she said no and was off, told me she was going on the slides as she legged it away! We've been there before so she knows where she's going.

I had to go to the loo and therefore she played in the park for 2 minutes unsupervised.

AIBU
YES - i should have got her back and made her stay with me.
NO - she is OK for 2 mins, she knows where I am.

What would others do? She is very independent and confident but it's just the safety aspect.

[WalkingOnTheCracks]

@Bitcherama

No fucking way.

Fucking seconded.

[ginexplorer]

Please please please - don’t ever leave a 3 year old to chance . Yes of course most people are actually lovely and the whole world are not paeodophiles or Jamie bulger killers I know that. The chances are he would be fine. But my mother Instincts always would have run out for a 3/4/5 year old. I couldn’t personally take that risk -apppreciate the need but have a grass wee wee instead ??? Or Your 3 year old could come in loo ? Mine used t accompany me ?

[ginexplorer]

Sorry I’m reading this again and I’m a very chilled mum. If pull my pants up and run after them. Part of me would bank on the fact they were probably likely to be safe but the other hard wired part wouldn’t leave it to chance. They are 3 FFS!! That still counts as entirely defenceless!!

[Creamsoda77]

Good grief no way

[Hcolhcsra]

Only just letting my 7 year old use the adjoining cubicle and wait for me by the sinks. 3 is far to young to be on their own for even a second or two when out and about.

[KarmaStar]

What the hell has her confidence and independence have to do with you allowing a child to run off unsupervised into an area frequented by sex offenders?

[Plumtree391]

@ginexplorer

2 words- Jamie Bulger

James.

Yes, he was my immediate thought. You can barely take your eyes off them for a moment at that age.

[esloquehay]

Honestly, OP. I'm not sure what else you could have done. I empathise, as I suffer from incontinence and when I have to go, I have to go. Otherwise, I wet myself.
I'd far rather my 3.5 year olds played unattended for a couple of mins than be in some stinky public toilets.
🤢

[ginexplorer]

2 words- Jamie Bulger

[Belladonna12]

Perhaps consider wearing incontinence pants if you really can't hold on long enough to reason with her when you're out and about as this can't happen again.

[Funpixie]

I’m a single mum and my kid has a kind of his own / I get it. But there is zero chance I’d have been ok in that situation- all the minimising (it was 2 mins and it’s a rural place etc) would bring no comfort if something horrible (snatched) or even bad happened- fell, broke her arm etc. - it’s a tough gig and we’ve all been there but straight home for a disciplined time out to let her know how serious it is. You’re her Mum and it’s your job to keep her safe that’s what you tell her. And you explain not listening has consequences. That’s what I hope you did. Don’t waste time beating yourself up but don’t let it become the norms. It’s clear you are upset which means it doesn’t even feel right for you. Trust your instincts.

The world isn’t filled with baby snatchers but there are a few and other risks we have to mitigate. Trust your instincts xx

I once read a story about a poor boy from Manchester. He was about six and his mum took him to a shopping mall. She stood outside the gents entrance waiting for him. After longer than expected she asked for some man to check who found her son being raped snd gagged. She did everything she thought she could to protect him and it still happened. My son is nine and never goes to the gents without family and I could give a flying monkey about looks from women in the loo or his complaints for independence lol. Don’t worry about others - follow your inner momma bear 🐻 x

[HaveringWavering]

I have two adult children. It was a mistake, it won't happen again.

Blimey, I hope your children don’t know you talk about them like that

[lollylimejuice]

@endlessstrife

As a much older woman, having sons nearly your age, try not to beat yourself up about it. We’ve all had near misses, and hindsight is a wonderful thing. The fact it made you so uncomfortable shows you won’t do it again.
Enjoy your family life, be thankful, that in this case, all was well. Take care.

I'm with you endlessstrife.
I have two adult children. It was a mistake, it won't happen again. We can all recall things we shouldn't have done.

[endlessstrife]

As a much older woman, having sons nearly your age, try not to beat yourself up about it. We’ve all had near misses, and hindsight is a wonderful thing. The fact it made you so uncomfortable shows you won’t do it again.
Enjoy your family life, be thankful, that in this case, all was well. Take care.

[MyrtlethePurpleTurtle]

Daily Mail loved this thread😝!

[ClareBlue]

Absolutely not. Not even up to reasonable debate. No.

[forumdonkey]

I'm still flabagasted with your replies. You're her DF You are teacher and protector. Not only would you leave her to do what she wants rather than handle a toddler tantrum, you also have left her in a car while you have shopped!!

Would you leave your car with the keys in and windows open to shop? Would you leave your wallet and car keys outside the toilet while you went inside?

You're her parent, parent her because you're going to create an out of control princess in 10 years and your problems and issues will be more serious than having a piss in peace

[Vynalbob]

You're getting some very strong comments, please ignore any OTT ones it's obviously something you'll learn from (which puts you a lot more competent than those who don't learn).. I've read your comment about work and feel you may have an easier life if you find a strong voice (even if it's fake).

Have a Google/YouTube assertive voice.
all the best

[Angrywife]

Age is irrelevant, she does as she's told. End of

[sunflowerstory]

Didn't think it was worth the risk of a tantrum on a piss-covered floor.
Did think it was worth to risk something far worse happening to an unattended 3 year old.

You made a very, very bad call.

[yogi1]

You’re lucky she was still there when you come back. She could have injured herself badly or be taken by someone and you could have been done for neglect. Plus imagine if she had been taken and what those people/persons would have done. Two 11year olds in secondary school walking home have been tried to be snatched by blokes in vans in the county where I live since school started last week. Fortunately they could run fast enough and know to go banging on the nearest door , hence not being taken. I don’t think your 3 year old would have been so lucky.

[Sydendad]

Completely unreasonable. A: not obeying you and running of should not be an option. Something tells me she is already walking all over you. Stop that now and learn to follow through. No means no, no discussion and running of while saying no I won't do what you told me should be met with consequences. And B: three years old is way too young to be left alone for even a second. You need to be with her at all times and you need to be present and paying attention to her. Motor skills, judgement, experience, awareness are all still lacking at that age.

[Mummyto2rugrats]

Sorry no just wouldn't allow it personally, each to their own but it takes less than 1min of not being in your line of sight for them to be abducted.
I think what makes me feel so strongly about it all is the unfortunate events of James Bulger which like 9/11 still to this day upset me. If mine had even thought to try this they wouldn't have experienced the park at all, I know they need to learn independence and mine are very independent at 10 and 11 walking to school and home from school (20min each way) but we have also given tools and rules with this in our bid to keep them as safe as we can.
I'm just reading to Jaycee Dugards story also which is another reason to try and ensure without shadow of doubt myself and DH must do all we can to keep them safe.

[Suspicioussam]

You sound like a great dad who made a mistake, I'm sure it won't happen again. Whilst I totally agree with the general opinion on here and would never leave a 3 year old myself, I have seen hundreds of small kids in parks not being watched, definitely for more than 2 minutes, so what you've done isn't exactly shocking. Don't beat yourself up.

[Treesandsheepeverywhere]

You've never done it in the nearly 4 years with her, and as soon as it happened, you realised it was wrong which shows you are a good dad.
Everyone makes mistakes and parenting is hard enough without being judged for a one off mistake when you're actually acknowledging it.