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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 3yo in park whilst going to the loo?

737 replies

DoormatBob · 11/09/2021 21:55

Not sure if this is an AIBU or more WWYD but was at a rural touristy attraction. When we arrived both DD (3, nearly 4) and me needed the loo. DD went then refused to wait for me and ran out to the play area (toilets were within the play area but not staffed/ticketed).

I told her to wait but she said no and was off, told me she was going on the slides as she legged it away! We've been there before so she knows where she's going.

I had to go to the loo and therefore she played in the park for 2 minutes unsupervised.

AIBU
YES - i should have got her back and made her stay with me.
NO - she is OK for 2 mins, she knows where I am.

What would others do? She is very independent and confident but it's just the safety aspect.

OP posts:
Corcory · 13/09/2021 18:36

I have an ASD DD who would unbolt the door on the cubicle whilst I was on the loo so the idea that bolting them in would work was also useless in our situation.

CambsAlways · 13/09/2021 18:36

Good god no way on this earth would I have left a 3 year old, she would have been with me regardless, you are the parent, takes seconds to be snatched, when my children were small they went into cubicle with me

momtoboys · 13/09/2021 18:36

The answer is yes to you being unreasonable. The overarching question is who is the parent in this scenario?

loopylindi · 13/09/2021 18:38

for a 3yr old in a public place R E I N S

Confusedandshaken · 13/09/2021 18:41

If any child I was responsible for ran off like that it would have been the instant end of the outing. No big scene , no shouting but down on my knees, eye contact 'what you did then was very dangerous. I can't take you out if you can't be trusted to do as you are told so we have to go home now. '

Augustbirthdays · 13/09/2021 18:44

Absolutely NOT and we’d be leaving for the defiant behaviour.

SwordfishSteak · 13/09/2021 18:49

So what did her mum say when you returned?
Did you tell her about it?

Shona52 · 13/09/2021 18:53

Apart from the fact she's too young to go off by herself you told her to stay put. I think that's the bigger issue here. I would have either made her stay or if she refused I would have left the play park as a lesson that she doesn't just get to go off and do what she wants. But that's just the way I would handle it

Lulu49 · 13/09/2021 18:56

I’ve not read any comments yet but god woman what were you thinking?????? I’m gobsmacked you thought that was ok.

AuditAngel · 13/09/2021 18:56

I’m a relaxed, potentially lax parent, but I would not have let her out the door. I wonder, if being a man, you were facing towards or away from the door, as women we face the door and might have seen flight signs sooner.

Either way, my kids knew to stop when I shouted that, it was a condition of not having to hold hands ALL the time, they knew it was a safety instruction.

To be honest, I Would have taken the risk o& her throwing herself to the floor, piss and all, as clothes/hands get washed.

You have accepted it was a risk. This is a time I would not have cared about screeching. Be insistent when it is safety, no compromise. Then they know when there is no choice but to obey

Dontknowanymore2 · 13/09/2021 18:58

A nano second and she could be taken, id never dare to let them out of my sight

fussyhousewife · 13/09/2021 19:01

Back in the day (over 30 years ago) this would not have caused alarm but now I am not surprised by the responses. 3 year olds just cannot be left for a second they could so easily be taken. She needs to understand you know best and she should stay with you until you both get to the swings.

Tigger1895 · 13/09/2021 19:08

Don’t mean to be harsh but the fact you asked the question means you know it was a bad idea.

CoffeeRunner · 13/09/2021 19:08

If she'd run out of the toilets before you could grab her, I would have probably wet myself, but no way would I not have followed!

And I totally agree with other posters - her bottom would not have touched that slide!!!

pilates · 13/09/2021 19:16

Op, I think you need to learn to be more assertive as she will be running rings around you when she becomes a teenager.

anwensmummy · 13/09/2021 19:20

Sorry, but you need to learn to say no to your daughter. You're the adult, she is the child. If she is refusing to do something, give her two choices - either she comes to the bathroom with you, or she doesn't get to play at the playground. This isn't negotiable!

Gwlondon · 13/09/2021 19:22

Yes. - get her back.

My reason is there will be occasions where you need her to know she has to stay with you. If you allow her at the park to be out of sight she will do it in other places no matter what you say.

I basically give my kids some freedom but when they are little I asked them to stay where I can see them so I can keep them safe. Later on you can set the limit a bit further- “you can play anywhere within the fence”.

My reason is you need cooperation to last a few years. Am going to read thread now.

Notagardener · 13/09/2021 19:26

I am generally quite relaxed about these things, let my dc walk home from school and stay at home when she was 8 but even I wouldn't have done this...

DazedWifelet · 13/09/2021 19:29

Just. NO! YAVVU🙈

MrsFirth2006 · 13/09/2021 19:33

She should have been taken home for running off! Believe me, as a mother of 5 I have learnt that obedience at a young is so important.

CrankyFrankie · 13/09/2021 19:33

Voted YABU because you asked the question (and already knew the answer!) but my son did exactly this (also 3). Don’t overdo the self-flagellation or take too much notice of the paedo brigade, sounds like you’re doing alright to me! x

Macncheeseballs · 13/09/2021 19:34

Fussyhousewife, so children are more likely to be taken now than they were 30 years ago?

ElleMac44 · 13/09/2021 19:34

Not at 3, only takes a moment to be snatched.

Gwlondon · 13/09/2021 19:36

I read OP’s posts. Men’s loos are a bit grim.

panauchocolat · 13/09/2021 19:37

I know that’s only 2 minutes but there’s so many crazy lunatics out there that creeps the hell out of me thinking about the “possibilites” on 2 minutes.
Never, ever ever I would allow that.
I don’t even leave my child in the car to pay inside the shop if needed.