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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 3yo in park whilst going to the loo?

737 replies

DoormatBob · 11/09/2021 21:55

Not sure if this is an AIBU or more WWYD but was at a rural touristy attraction. When we arrived both DD (3, nearly 4) and me needed the loo. DD went then refused to wait for me and ran out to the play area (toilets were within the play area but not staffed/ticketed).

I told her to wait but she said no and was off, told me she was going on the slides as she legged it away! We've been there before so she knows where she's going.

I had to go to the loo and therefore she played in the park for 2 minutes unsupervised.

AIBU
YES - i should have got her back and made her stay with me.
NO - she is OK for 2 mins, she knows where I am.

What would others do? She is very independent and confident but it's just the safety aspect.

OP posts:
Poptasmagorical · 13/09/2021 19:39

Even if we pretend there are no dodgy people out there, what if she had fallen off the slide? The injuries a three year old could sustain from a fall from the top could be terrible. Then at A&E the staff would probably be telling social services. Rightly.

GreyhoundG1rl · 13/09/2021 19:40

@Gwlondon

I read OP’s posts. Men’s loos are a bit grim.
Needs must. 2 minutes in a grim toilet v. the possible alternatives 🤷🏻‍♀️
Macncheeseballs · 13/09/2021 19:41

The culture of fear sure is alive and kicking, the chances of a child being abducted is approx 1 in 300,000, your chances of bring involved in a car crash on a 1000 mile trip are far higher, 1 in 366.

amysaurus87 · 13/09/2021 19:43

You might want to remove this...Fabulous magazine have picked it up....came up on my Facebook

Vynalbob · 13/09/2021 19:45

This is incredibly easy 2 answer I'm afraid

you were wrong in my opinion
but we all are apt to make mistakes
just glad on this occasion there were no repercussions so no harm done.

the very young can all of a sudden act in an unsafe way
eg
I was driving slowly down a side road after dropping my son off at school and I was chuntering about a mum walking on chatting to a friend while her not school age ds toddled 10yrds behind her (pet hate of mine) ... as I was just about to pass he saw one of his friends across the road and ran making me slam my brakes on (any harder and I'd have Flintstoned my car) ... very very close call....
All the best

Sk8ermum3000 · 13/09/2021 19:49

Definitely no judgment but I wouldn’t have done it at that age. I was absolutely paranoid about things like this when my kids were young. A great line to tell your child is that, “if I can’t see you, then I can’t help you if something goes wrong”. Also, some “professionals” will tell you not to put fear into a child by talking about bad people taking kids, but I wholly disagree. It’s about learning what can happen in the world and kids can’t manage risk that they don’t know exists.

thinkbiglittleone · 13/09/2021 19:51

It's more of an issue that she can't listen or follow a simple safety instruction of "don't run off when I tell you not to".

She needs to be taught to listen to her parents or there are consequences.

Poptasmagorical · 13/09/2021 19:53

@Macncheeseballs

The culture of fear sure is alive and kicking, the chances of a child being abducted is approx 1 in 300,000, your chances of bring involved in a car crash on a 1000 mile trip are far higher, 1 in 366.
And the chances of a three year old falling off a slide whilst not supervised? Landing on their head and suffering concussion or breaking a bone? Being pushed my another child and twisting their ankle? Running into the car park after a ball? We're not all here clutching our pearls about paedophiles.
WTAFhappened123 · 13/09/2021 19:54

I can't believe this would even be a question?!! NO!!!!!

Pickle2828 · 13/09/2021 19:54

She is very independent and confident but it's just the safety aspect.

She isn’t independent and confident. This is nonsense. She lacks discipline or a sense of danger. It’s not the same.
Yes it is very much a safety aspect.

You need to teach your child to respect what her parent says, for her own safety.

MarvellousMonsters · 13/09/2021 19:56

@cunningartificer

She’s three. It only takes a moment for a child to be snatched or to fall off a high slide or run off where you can’t find her. You shouldn’t leave her alone. She needs to learn she can’t run off when you tell her to stay with you. Take her into the loo with you.
This.
sniggy11 · 13/09/2021 19:58

No freaking way. She's 3!!!! Who's the parent?! Whos making the rules?!! How many seconds does it take to take a child? It's ridiculous you're even asking.

Yourcatisnotsorry · 13/09/2021 19:59

Yabvvvu never let a 3 year old out of sight in a public place

NorthLodgeAvenue · 13/09/2021 20:02

I suppose if it was a total emergency, I would ask somebody ( lets face it another Mum) to keep an eye and I would leg it to the toilet.

MuchTooTired · 13/09/2021 20:02

I’m a really relaxed parent generally (leave kids in car to pay for petrol, happy to let them run off in the play park etc) but they’re always in sight. I would not have done this, sorry. Anything could’ve happened to her.

Macncheeseballs · 13/09/2021 20:03

Poptasmagorical - I would say the chances of all those things happening in the time it takes a parent to do a wee, are fairly small too. We don't all live with fear that bad things are around every corner

ChristinaXYZ · 13/09/2021 20:05

@Solasum

Too little. 6 or 7 fine. 3 not.
12 or 13 fine. 6 or 7 not. Still can be snatched or lured away. Those poor girls in Soham were 10, and they were together. 12 or 13 can still be snatched but they have least some more street sense by then and might run, scream, use an alarm if they have one, and they have to get school transport on their own.
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/09/2021 20:08

@DoormatBob - what consequences has your 3-year-old faced for her disobedience?

I agree with the poster, early on on the thread, who said their child would have been out of the park and straight home, but can see why you didn’t want to do that, having driven an hour to get there. So a suitable punishment would have been a time-out, where she had to stand/sit with you whilst her sister got to play, for a minimum of 4 minutes. I know you can’t do that now, but you can remember it for next time.

However, you can still impose a consequence - a very stern talking-to, and a warning that, if she ever does that again, you will be taking her straight home. And reinforce that warning whenever you take them out.

When ds1 was a bit older than your dd, and tried running off in shops, I told him he must stay with me and his dad, and if he didn’t, I’d be putting reins on him - and I followed through. He learned not to run off.

For your dds’ sake, you need to find your voice and authority as a father - you need to know that, if you tell them to STOP, they will stop - because there may well come a time where one of them is running towards danger and you can’t grab them in time. They need to do as they are told so you can keep them safe - and so they learn appropriate behaviour in public places. As a previous poster said, it is clear from your OP who,is in charge - and it isn’t you.

snowflake29f · 13/09/2021 20:09

2 minutes for you to wee ,10 seconds for a pedo to snatch that baby coz at 3 she still is . No child is independent at 3 what a silly saying . I have a feeling you know it’s wrong but you’re looking for validation to make yourself feel better

maybloss2 · 13/09/2021 20:10

Hi op, you didn’t intend for her to run off and nothing happened so that’s good. But it so easily could have. If she won’t go into the toilet cubicle with you, then like other posters have said I would take her home. Where you can have a wee in peace and she gets to understand there are consequences for disregarding what you say.
I made some mistakes when mine were little, no harm done, but one in particular was a close thing,( I was very very tired and making stupid decisions)so I’m not judging you, just trying to prevent you and yr kid from being really distressed.
Bests.

Mollymoostoo · 13/09/2021 20:10

@cunningartificer

She’s three. It only takes a moment for a child to be snatched or to fall off a high slide or run off where you can’t find her. You shouldn’t leave her alone. She needs to learn she can’t run off when you tell her to stay with you. Take her into the loo with you.
I agree. I would have had her in the cubical with me to begin with.
HardNo · 13/09/2021 20:11

Allowing your child to disobey your instructions like that is a huge problem.

THATmamaofMANY · 13/09/2021 20:12

Are you fucking nuts

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/09/2021 20:13

He did have her in the cubicle - she opened the door and ran out.

MrsSkylerWhite · 13/09/2021 20:16

snowflake29f

2 minutes for you to wee ,10 seconds for a pedo to snatch that baby coz at 3 she still is . No child is independent at 3 what a silly saying . I have a feeling you know it’s wrong but you’re looking for validation to make yourself feel better.”

Absolutely. Jamie Bulger, rest his little soul.

He was in the shop with his poor, poor mum who simply let go of his hand for seconds. If that can happen, and after that poor little soul we surely all know it can, just why on earth would you let them run around in a playground for minutes unsupervised ?

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