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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I wrong to put a stop to this woman pestering my DH !!

243 replies

Highfivemum · 11/09/2021 19:45

At primary school I met a lady who had children in older yrs. Not friends just knew of her. She is divorced .Fast track 3 years and I get a call from a friend ( who is friends with her ) to say she is stranded with a flat Tyre not far from me and can’t change her trye. Can my DH help if he is at home as she is terrified at the side of road ( my DF know my DH works shifts and is good with cars) so I told my DH who was at home and of he went with his tools and changed her Tyre. I sent her my DH number and said he is on his way . My DH came home and said she was distraught as she had a flat near the road and is sick of her car having issues and needs a new one. I thought that was it. Good turn done. A few days later my husband said this woman had messaged and it it had details of a car she was thinking of buying and what did he think. ?? Was it a good car etc ? He replied saying not sure it depends on the car really. That was that. Then a few days later my DH said he had a message again saying she had seen another car and did he thinknit any good ? He didn’t reply. I though that was it then last night she messaged again can he go with her to look at a car !! I am not a jealous person in any way but I thought this is taking the P ....
My DH said he didn’t think he should go as he didn’t know her and she was a bit full on but if she needed help should he ? I said no. Don’t go. Now though I am thinking was I selfish. ???

OP posts:
blueballetshoes · 12/09/2021 09:48

Well done to you and your DH good approach! Reminds me of my sister and her DH friend. Their friend recently divorced, her car was in the garage and she was waiting for a taxi to pick her and the kids up but there was an hours wait. Sisters DH had popped to the supermarket for basics saw her and offered a lift as they are only a few doors down from them. Sister thought that would be the end of it.

For two weeks she asked then started demanding they take her and her kids places including Chester zoo (before covid) which was a fair distance from them and bring them back no offer of a ticket for my sister or her DH. They declined and she was livid as she had bought the tickets without checking. Sister was working and so was her DH their friend expected one of them to take annual leave. They went round to talk to her but she was having non of it trying to guilt trip them.

On the day of the trip friend went round started shouting through the letterbox with her kids stood watching they have Ring so answered saying we told you we were at work go away!

They blocked her and have not spoken since their kids speak but the adults don't. @Highfivemum you've definitely done the right thing.

blueballetshoes · 12/09/2021 09:49

@SeriouslyISuppose spot on!

Beautiful3 · 12/09/2021 09:50

Sorry ignore my previous comment. Just read your updates! Woman sounds pushy and crazy, agree your husband did the best thing by blocking her.

OurMamInHavianas · 12/09/2021 09:50

@DoubleTweenQueen

Did OP's DH give advice to the woman about possibilities of getting a professional opinion when buying a car, or just ignore her and block her? If it's the latter, then that's pretty poor. I can understand someone not being happy to potentially have any responsibility for another's car purchase, but he could have offered advice as to useful steps to take that she would probably not be aware of.

Put your pitchforks away.

Why on earth should he be giving any advice to a stranger? He helped her once. That doesn’t make him obliged to be her advisor on anything.
And based on her subsequent behaviour, blocking was the best thing to do. The woman can google, or ask one of her actual friends, if she needs help, rather than pestering a kind stranger.

You seen very generous with other people’s time. Perhaps you could babysit the OP’s six children so she and her husband can provide an advice hotline to anyone who contacts them?

Loudestcat14 · 12/09/2021 09:52

Bloody hell, some of the responses on here are bonkers. Woman asks husband of a school run friend for a favour and everyone assumes she wants to get in his trousers. She hasn't asked him out for a drink or to pop round to test her mattress springs, she just wants help finding a car! I would hate to be as jealous as so many of you obviously are, it must be so draining always assuming every woman is after your man.

Loudestcat14 · 12/09/2021 10:04

Also, everyone's assuming that the woman was taking the piss by asking OP's DH to accompany her to see a new car, but OP doesn't know what conversation went on between them at the roadside while he was changing her tyre (and no, that's not a euphemism). The woman told him that she needed to look for a new car – for all OP knows, DH could've said she could run her options past him and now he's back tracked because he can see OP is being jealous.

LadyWithLapdog · 12/09/2021 10:10

Regardless, he’s said no a few times. The CF needs to accept the answer and stop hassling.

LadyWithLapdog · 12/09/2021 10:11

I don’t think it about jealousy but annoyance at the imposition on a man with very little spare time.

YvesEveEave · 12/09/2021 10:12

I definitely wouldn't assume she was after op's DH based on what's in this thread. I think that's a red herring really. She just sounds like a cheeky cow who wanted to use him as her dogsboddy and then turned nasty when he said no. Not someone I'd be overly sympathetic with tbh, even if she is struggling.

As for "why didn't he advise her to get a professional opinion?"...this is a grown woman who is a complete stranger to the op's DH. She isn't a helpless baby. She has kids in secondary school herself. The competitive kindness on this thread while simultaneously sticking the boot into the op is frankly hilarious.

TokyoTammy · 12/09/2021 10:19

I'm pissing myself laughing at all these helpless women out there who need a big strong man to do research for them Grin

There's this crazy thing called, y'know, Google, that has all this, y'know, stuff on it called information. Walk on the wild side and maybe educate yourself! It's on you if you don't.

Also love how some posters are trying to turn it around on the OPs husband, yeah what a complete bastard for going out and changing her tyre even though she was a complete stranger. Someone ought to get him logged with the Police, clearly an emotional abuser promising the earth and letting poor helpless female down. FFS

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 12/09/2021 10:23

Well if you think she's entitled...ask your husband what did he do exactly to make her feel that way...was he too friendly?

What!
Would you write the same if the sexes were reversed?
To a female "What did you do exactly to make him feel this way ? Were you too friendly Shock ?

I shake me head at the double standards on here sometimes .

SeriouslyISuppose · 12/09/2021 10:24

@Loudestcat14

Bloody hell, some of the responses on here are bonkers. Woman asks husband of a school run friend for a favour and everyone assumes she wants to get in his trousers. She hasn't asked him out for a drink or to pop round to test her mattress springs, she just wants help finding a car! I would hate to be as jealous as so many of you obviously are, it must be so draining always assuming every woman is after your man.
Have you read the updates?
ohfook · 12/09/2021 10:25

I don't think it matters if she's trying to steal your husband or not.

What matters is that her requests were beginning to encroach on your husband's time with his family. So. I I wouldn't feel guilty at all.

TillyTopper · 12/09/2021 10:27

Honestly I'd block her! I think the first thing was cheeky of your friend esp as you don't really know her. Subsequent contact is a bit bonkers - why can't she make her own mind up? You are running the risk of getting way too over involved here.

I think I'd recommend she use the AA's check before you buy service as you and DH are not qualified to make a judgement. What happens if you says that yes it looks a good car, she buys it, then it turns out to have issues?

Loudestcat14 · 12/09/2021 10:30

SeriouslyISuppose Yes I have and I don't agree the woman was abusive or pestering as others have said. I suspect the DH made a comment at the roadside that he'd help her – why else would she have booked an appt presuming he'd go with her, unless he indicated he might? It makes no sense.

I just think it's really sad that every time there's a post like this where a single/divorced/widowed friend or acquaintance has asked an OP's husband/partner for help it's automatically assumed she's taking liberties or trying to get into his pants. Why do women always think the worst of each other???

SmokeyDevil · 12/09/2021 10:34

@Phobiaphobic

Its mental isn't it?

But you know, all of these people on here think he should have done it, so clearly they are good samaritans too. I want all of these people who think this woman was correct to come round to my house right now and clean it, do the garden and do some batch cooking and baking for the week. Oh and while you're at it, start finding me a new house, give me money for a deposit for it and you are also going to take me shopping. Grin

Loudestcat14 · 12/09/2021 10:38

SmokeyDevil I don't think the husband should've help her if he doesn't want to, but I also think it's awful people are deciding she must be a harassing CF or a husband-grabbing harlot. God forbid she dared to ask someone for a favour. Hmm

SmokeyDevil · 12/09/2021 10:44

@Loudestcat14

SmokeyDevil I don't think the husband should've help her if he doesn't want to, but I also think it's awful people are deciding she must be a harassing CF or a husband-grabbing harlot. God forbid she dared to ask someone for a favour. Hmm
She is a harassing cf. Would you speak to someone like that if you asked them for a favour, when you dont even know them? Being passive aggressive, going 'thanks! Now I'll have to cancel the appointment!'. You think that's normal, to a stranger? Hmm
SeriouslyISuppose · 12/09/2021 10:44

@Loudestcat14

SeriouslyISuppose Yes I have and I don't agree the woman was abusive or pestering as others have said. I suspect the DH made a comment at the roadside that he'd help her – why else would she have booked an appt presuming he'd go with her, unless he indicated he might? It makes no sense.

I just think it's really sad that every time there's a post like this where a single/divorced/widowed friend or acquaintance has asked an OP's husband/partner for help it's automatically assumed she's taking liberties or trying to get into his pants. Why do women always think the worst of each other???

I’ve never suggested there’s the remotest sexual intent. There’s no evidence to suggest it from what the OP has said. I think this woman is, as I said up the thread, is one of the tiresome type of person, who can be male or female, who sees one favour not as a one-off that deserves thanks, but as an opportunity to push for still more favours, and get aggrieved and badmouth the helper when it’s not forthcoming.
Loudestcat14 · 12/09/2021 10:49

SmokeyDevil No, it's not normal to be like that to a stranger and it's a weird outburst, but again, we don't know what the DH said at the roadside – something must've given her the impression he'd be happy to help. SeriouslySuppose You might not have suggested it but other PP have.

custardbear · 12/09/2021 10:52

@Loudestcat14

Bloody hell, some of the responses on here are bonkers. Woman asks husband of a school run friend for a favour and everyone assumes she wants to get in his trousers. She hasn't asked him out for a drink or to pop round to test her mattress springs, she just wants help finding a car! I would hate to be as jealous as so many of you obviously are, it must be so draining always assuming every woman is after your man.
Good luck with the car buying 😉 I hope you find another mug to help you
Loudestcat14 · 12/09/2021 11:08

custardbear Yeah, that's right, it's me. Banged to rights. Hmm

Original poster
Highfivemum · 12/09/2021 11:22

Wow.. shocked by some of the comments. But each to their own I suppose.
To clarify. I never said the woman was after my DH.. I would have thought the same if it was a male asking.
My DH missed his one training session he manges a week to assist with her Tyre. He was happy to help someone who was a stranger but at that moment needed help. Like you would stop if someone was stuck st the side of the road.
He wasn’t comfortable then receiving messages from what still was a stranger wanting him to help. He did say she was best talking to an expert which he isn’t.
I supported my DH and agreed he should not get ropped into giving info when he wasn’t an expert or comfortable with.
Her response after he said no and then slagged him off proves he made the right decision,,,, could you imagine if he had helped with a car 🤷‍♀️ And she didn’t like it.
My DH and are are not mean spirited we help a lot and give a lot to our community in the spare time we have.
Anyway thank you all And happy Sunday

OP posts:
Blackkbird · 12/09/2021 11:23

So what did your friend say?

Did she defend your DH?

DoubleTweenQueen · 12/09/2021 11:25

If anyone has asked us for anything, we have done what we can to help either practically or pointed in the right direction. We have often offered to help with stuff too, without needing to be asked!
It really isn't difficult.

And if you don't have the time or inclination, or feel you're starting to be imposed upon, a bit of politeness in asserting that goes a long way.

You lot are hilarious.