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Original poster

Was I wrong to put a stop to this woman pestering my DH !!

243 replies

Highfivemum · 11/09/2021 19:45

At primary school I met a lady who had children in older yrs. Not friends just knew of her. She is divorced .Fast track 3 years and I get a call from a friend ( who is friends with her ) to say she is stranded with a flat Tyre not far from me and can’t change her trye. Can my DH help if he is at home as she is terrified at the side of road ( my DF know my DH works shifts and is good with cars) so I told my DH who was at home and of he went with his tools and changed her Tyre. I sent her my DH number and said he is on his way . My DH came home and said she was distraught as she had a flat near the road and is sick of her car having issues and needs a new one. I thought that was it. Good turn done. A few days later my husband said this woman had messaged and it it had details of a car she was thinking of buying and what did he think. ?? Was it a good car etc ? He replied saying not sure it depends on the car really. That was that. Then a few days later my DH said he had a message again saying she had seen another car and did he thinknit any good ? He didn’t reply. I though that was it then last night she messaged again can he go with her to look at a car !! I am not a jealous person in any way but I thought this is taking the P ....
My DH said he didn’t think he should go as he didn’t know her and she was a bit full on but if she needed help should he ? I said no. Don’t go. Now though I am thinking was I selfish. ???

OP posts:
thepeopleversuswork · 11/09/2021 20:18

@Rubyrecka

What’s taking the piss exactly? She’s just asking for advice on a car!
Asking once, even twice is reasonable. Treating him like an unpaid consultant is not.

I wouldn't dream of continuing to ask someone I barely knew questions on their specialist subject as if they have nothing better to do than attend to my needs. One thing if he offered, but he didn't.

It wouldn't cross my mind that she was making a play for him, just she's a piss-taker. Some people are just like this, they think its reasonable to try to get favours all the time/get things on the cheap etc.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 11/09/2021 20:19

Thanks for your replies.
My DH was the one who felt uncomfortable and I never accused her of stealing my DH.
My DH is known to be very helpful and happy to help but he wasn’t happy her texting and asking for advice on something he wasn’t an expert on and also going out with her to look at a car.
She has messaged again in the last 10 mins saying she has booked to see a car on Tuesday and can she have a time he can take her as she doesn’t trust her car.
We do not know her. I have no trust issues at all. I do not tell my DH was to do. He helped her out as she needed help. I personally would not then take that as a license to ask someone to help more. She has no issues. She has lots of friends around.

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 11/09/2021 20:20

The AA and RAC do car checks - might be better for him to let her know he doesn’t know enough about cars and suggest she gets the car professionally checked before buying it.

thepeopleversuswork · 11/09/2021 20:21

I personally would not then take that as a license to ask someone to help more.

Exactly this OP. If a near stranger has done you a favour, you count yourself very lucky and express extreme gratitude. You don't constantly seek to tap them up to do things you really ought to be paying for.

1FootInTheRave · 11/09/2021 20:24

She is a near stranger and yet felt it okay to ask for someone to go out and change a tyre?

Then follows up asking for a lift to view a car?

Wtf? Not remotely normal imo.

Notaroadrunner · 11/09/2021 20:25

The cheek of her assuming he'll go with her. He needs to stop this. He should text her back now "I am not in a position to look at cars with you". Then block straight away. Her car hunt is not your Dh's responsibility.

MaryHadALittleRam · 11/09/2021 20:28

@Highfivemum if your husband feels uncomfortable, back him up. Don't dissect it

Original poster
Highfivemum · 11/09/2021 20:28

For info my DH is not a mechanic. He just is guite handy after tinkering with our cars for years.
He never agreed to look at cars when he changed a Tyre

OP posts:
romdowa · 11/09/2021 20:30

It's a new car this week, next week it will be a few diy jobs and eventually she will plague him for help. She's a cf, he just needs to be straight with her and tell her that he doesn't have the time to help her out and then block her.

Changethetoner · 11/09/2021 20:30

If I was at the side of the road, unable and scared to try to change a flat tyre, I'd be grateful for ANYONE to stop and help. I don't think it was unreasonable for her to ask for help. Lots of us have never changed a tyre before. (pathetic and un-feminist I know, but it's true).

However, she is pushing it, asking for more and more favours. He is not an expert, and not comfortable advising on a second-hand car's worth. He needs to just tell her, sorry no.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 11/09/2021 20:31

I will always be on my DH side. If he isn’t happy then neither am I. I just felt a bit bad when he asked me the question. I do think it is taking the P....we are strangers. He helped out surely that doesn’t mean she can keep asking. We have 6 children. When my DH has a day of trust me he has loads to do.

OP posts:
isadoradancing123 · 11/09/2021 20:32

No, i def would not like this, i would not want him to go

DamnUserName21 · 11/09/2021 20:32

@Highfivemum

Thanks for your replies. My DH was the one who felt uncomfortable and I never accused her of stealing my DH. My DH is known to be very helpful and happy to help but he wasn’t happy her texting and asking for advice on something he wasn’t an expert on and also going out with her to look at a car. She has messaged again in the last 10 mins saying she has booked to see a car on Tuesday and can she have a time he can take her as she doesn’t trust her car. We do not know her. I have no trust issues at all. I do not tell my DH was to do. He helped her out as she needed help. I personally would not then take that as a license to ask someone to help more. She has no issues. She has lots of friends around.
Haha. She has a nerve! Asking for advice AND a lift to an appt to see a car without even checking to see if your DH was even available to go with her! What has your DH responses been like because she sure isn't getting the message?!
Cryalot2 · 11/09/2021 20:32

Her constant messaging is red flagging to me.
Your dh has said he feels uncomfortable that is enough to send her links to rac/aa or such who can help her better, then block all contacts .
She may well be innocent but why ask a stranger so much and bombard with messages. If it had just been the changing of the wheel and a one off then fair enough. But she has went on a bit.
I thought that changing a wheel was to be part of the driving test. Obviously not yet.

BudrosBudrosGalli · 11/09/2021 20:33

@Cutitour

Remembering when I was newly divorced, single mother, worked two jobs and the next door but one man ran the lawnmower over my front lawn whilst he was doing his.

I knew it was a mess out there but I just did have the time or energy (or a lawnmower) to do it. It was such a lovely thing to do and I’ve never forgotten it. His wife had a right bitch to a mutual friend and made it sound like I’d fucking asked him. Imagine being so insecure you think every woman is after your husband, we managed to get rid of ours, believe us we don’t want yours Wink

That is not the same whatsoever. Don't be that kind of bitchy woman!
MumDad1958 · 11/09/2021 20:33

This is a red flag for sure.

SwishSwishBisch · 11/09/2021 20:37

Jfc. As a single divorced woman myself, this sort of attitude to women like me daring to talk to other women’s husbands does my nut in.
Your DH voluntarily helped her fix her car, she clearly respects his superior (to hers) knowledge of cars, and perhaps she doesn’t know anyone else who might help.
He doesn’t have to reply/help/do anything for her if he doesn’t want to, but as to why you’re now sticking your oar in saying she’s taking the piss, I don’t know!
If it was a single divorced guy asking, would you give a shiny shit? No, didn’t think so

NiceGerbil · 11/09/2021 20:38

Surely he just needs to reply saying I can change a tyre but that's about it! I really don't know anything about buying cars.

Sorry can't help

And leave it there.

If she keeps on at him then ok Def weird.

Who knows what her motivations are. Maybe she has male and female friends and doesn't think the way lots of others do. Maybe she is plotting to steal him (not exactly subtle though if that's it!). I mean who knows.

He says no can do sorry. And she takes the hint or doesn't. Is the thing to do next.

BungleandGeorge · 11/09/2021 20:40

If the sexes were reversed I think some of the answers would be different! A man making a woman feel uncomfortable by texting repeatedly when they weren’t friends and had made it pretty obvious it wasn’t welcome would be seen as totally inappropriate. Just block her, she’s a fully grown woman and doesn’t need to be pandered to. She is perfectly able to sort these things out herself or to pay a professional

NiceGerbil · 11/09/2021 20:40

I really find the suspicion/ insecurity of both men and women around this odd.

He's not interested is he. So, so what really.

She could be just friendly.

If he's of a mind to be unfaithful then that's another issue. But he isn't. So. What's the problem.

Just say no sorry. Hopefully job done.

QueenBee52 · 11/09/2021 20:40

@SylvanasWindrunner

Ooh yes RAC still do it:

www.rac.co.uk/buying-a-car/vehicle-inspections

Maybe send her that?

this...

then Block her

BasicDad · 11/09/2021 20:41

@SwishSwishBisch is exactly right.

I'm guessing the woman is attractive too. And I bet there'd be no issue if she wasn't.

sjxoxo · 11/09/2021 20:41

My dads a retired mechanic and this happens all the time- friends, friends of friends, single middle aged women.. anyone who hears he is good with cars ends up asking him advice. I don’t think it’s unreasonable as long as the messages remain polite and not pushy. Many people are terrified of buying a new car especially if they are alone/single and not buying from a big garage. My mums lived with this for 30 years! Not just cars but anything technical, lawnmowers, washing machines, bikes… people just knock on the door 😂 I think my dad quite likes it. He does occasionally say he can’t help but honestly I think it’s just a good gesture. I don’t think she’s doing this to go after your husband at all- more that she’s frightened & he has some rare expertise that could really help her. I’d just try & be kind!

YvesEveEave · 11/09/2021 20:41

I think advice on buying a secondhand car is the sort of advice that can backfire massively! She also just sounds annoying (not after your DH, just annoying). So YANBU.

whynotwhatknot · 11/09/2021 20:43

Nah unless hes a car dealer/salesman then no shes taking the piss now booking a viewing and saying when can he pick her up

also a flat tyre has nothing to do with a car being sound or not