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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I wrong to put a stop to this woman pestering my DH !!

243 replies

Highfivemum · 11/09/2021 19:45

At primary school I met a lady who had children in older yrs. Not friends just knew of her. She is divorced .Fast track 3 years and I get a call from a friend ( who is friends with her ) to say she is stranded with a flat Tyre not far from me and can’t change her trye. Can my DH help if he is at home as she is terrified at the side of road ( my DF know my DH works shifts and is good with cars) so I told my DH who was at home and of he went with his tools and changed her Tyre. I sent her my DH number and said he is on his way . My DH came home and said she was distraught as she had a flat near the road and is sick of her car having issues and needs a new one. I thought that was it. Good turn done. A few days later my husband said this woman had messaged and it it had details of a car she was thinking of buying and what did he think. ?? Was it a good car etc ? He replied saying not sure it depends on the car really. That was that. Then a few days later my DH said he had a message again saying she had seen another car and did he thinknit any good ? He didn’t reply. I though that was it then last night she messaged again can he go with her to look at a car !! I am not a jealous person in any way but I thought this is taking the P ....
My DH said he didn’t think he should go as he didn’t know her and she was a bit full on but if she needed help should he ? I said no. Don’t go. Now though I am thinking was I selfish. ???

OP posts:
OurMamInHavianas · 12/09/2021 00:22

@Somuddled

I think she has judged that your husband and to a certain extent you (because you happily sent him to her rescue the first time) are friendly helpful people because you were friendly and helpful. I think it is really unfair of you to be oddly helpful in one situation and then be shocked when someone thinks that might be your usual mode of being. All your husband needs to do is politely say that he doesn't feel knowledgeable enough to help her decide and refer her to sites that do car checks.
This is the mindset of a CF!
OurMamInHavianas · 12/09/2021 00:28

[quote DoubleTweenQueen]@Highfivemum Yes, you were selfish. Sad people don’t care about just helping others out once in a while, Sheesh!
Buying a car can be a minefield if you don’t know what you’re looking at/for.[/quote]
The OP’s DH did help out already.

Good manners would usually mean the woman he helped offers to help the OP’s family with something before demanding more favours.

Cherryberrybonbon · 12/09/2021 00:29

@Rubyrecka she we go and ask your husband who we don’t know for car advice?

OP is right, she is taking the piss, she doesn’t know this man! Or the OP very well, you just wouldn’t do it would you, unless you had an ulterior motive

SeriouslyISuppose · 12/09/2021 00:31

There’s a certain type of person, who can be either sex, who sees an initial favour in an emergency not as a one-off to be grateful for but as an opportunity to ask for more, and gets cross when it’s not forthcoming.

LadyWithLapdog · 12/09/2021 00:32

Wow, that woman was definitely taking the piss. As others have said, plenty of other avenues for changing a tire and checking out cars. It sounds like blocking her was the right thing to do.

ellyeth · 12/09/2021 00:34

It's a bit odd to ask someone you hardly know to give advice about buying a car. It's a big responsibility anyway. To be fairly sure that a car is in good condition would require a proper examination - and that would take time and effort. If your husband recommended that she buy a particular car and there were problems it might cause difficulties.

It's not about being selfish or unwilling to help people - he did help. But I think this is asking too much.

WTF99 · 12/09/2021 00:37

She needs to get breakdown insurance and actual friends who can advise her on car purchase....or just go to a reputable car dealer and buy a car...
I'd be asking my dh to block her number I think..

NCBlossom · 12/09/2021 00:52

Yep some people really do find a crack in the door, and then shove their foot in it! Best avoided.

TractorAndHeadphones · 12/09/2021 01:02

@Somuddled

I think she has judged that your husband and to a certain extent you (because you happily sent him to her rescue the first time) are friendly helpful people because you were friendly and helpful. I think it is really unfair of you to be oddly helpful in one situation and then be shocked when someone thinks that might be your usual mode of being. All your husband needs to do is politely say that he doesn't feel knowledgeable enough to help her decide and refer her to sites that do car checks.
Found the CF Grin
TheChiefJo · 12/09/2021 02:03

I can't imagine thinking this:

"really unfair of you to be oddly helpful in one situation and then be shocked when someone thinks that might be your usual mode of being"

If someone was helpful to me, I'd just be grateful. I certainly wouldn't take it as an invitation to become dependent.

custardbear · 12/09/2021 06:19

Wow what a CF entitled twit! I have been to see many cars on my own without DH or brother abs even organised an AA Inspection - all by myself! She's got ulterior motives or she latches into people - unacceptable requests and terrible responses

Maskless · 12/09/2021 06:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Mybalconyiscracking · 12/09/2021 06:41

If DH wanted to help her then I wouldn’t turn a hair about this. I trust him and he likes dealing with this sort of thing.

Backtoblack1 · 12/09/2021 06:56

Go with your husband to look at the car? I have no clue about cars and would need advice. Also single but not looking to steal anyone’s husband. I would have probably messaged you not your husband about this though.

OurMamInHavianas · 12/09/2021 07:06

@Backtoblack1

Go with your husband to look at the car? I have no clue about cars and would need advice. Also single but not looking to steal anyone’s husband. I would have probably messaged you not your husband about this though.
Why are men needed to look at cars? You could ask a female friend or the AA.

And why on earth should a couple with 6 children be giving up their time to help a friend-of-a-friend? The husband had already done her a favour. Is their help supposed to be unlimited?
Read the thread - the woman was clearly a CF.

Patapouf · 12/09/2021 07:09

I wouldn't ask a friend of a friends husband for car advice I'd bloody google it.

Your first mistake was sending your DH over to help her, I would have directed her to the AA the cheeky cow.

CircleofWillis · 12/09/2021 07:09

@NCBlossom

I think you and your husband acted totally fairly, kindly and respectfully of not just her but of each other. Your husband told you it was a bit full on and invited your response. I like that, it shows he’s mindful of people interfering in your lives. And repeated entitlement from a woman to your husband is interfering with your lives - you can basically feel it in your bones which is what you were alert to!

Trust your instincts. Usually right!

Absolutely this!
RantyAunty · 12/09/2021 07:20

Good grief. You lead off with her being divorced. Then next post alludes to mental illness out of nowhere. That's some batshit thinking right there.

Don't any of you ever network or ask any of your friends if they know someone who knows about something or ask for a referral?

Is your little friend club that closed and exclusive you can't accommodate anyone else?

The comical part is the women who think everyone is after their husband, has husbands that looks like Quasimodo.

OurMamInHavianas · 12/09/2021 07:34

@RantyAunty

Good grief. You lead off with her being divorced. Then next post alludes to mental illness out of nowhere. That's some batshit thinking right there.

Don't any of you ever network or ask any of your friends if they know someone who knows about something or ask for a referral?

Is your little friend club that closed and exclusive you can't accommodate anyone else?

The comical part is the women who think everyone is after their husband, has husbands that looks like Quasimodo.

Have you read all of the OP’s posts? The woman could create her own “little friend club” by offering / returning favours instead of using others then being rude about them.

You seem a bit touchy about single/divorced woman being called out when they are CFs - are you one yourself?

DeborahAnnabel · 12/09/2021 07:50

Depends on your DH really. He clearly doesn’t want to so he should do what he’s doing.
It wouldn’t bother me either way, whether he wanted to help or not, I trust that my husband isn’t about to have an illicit affair.

All of that said, a bit of compassion for someone who may not have anyone else to ask wouldn’t kill either of you. Your husband could message her back saying he isn’t a car expert and wouldn’t be able to give advice on whether a car is roadworthy etc however, here is a link to RAC/AA etc. doesn’t kill someone to be kind to someone else.

Bluntness100 · 12/09/2021 08:00

Wow I just can’t imagine treating someone who asked for help like you and your husband did. She just asked him to go view a car, she’s clearly unsure about doing it on her own.

I really hope you and your husband don’t need help one day, becayse if you do karma is a bitch and likely the person you ask will tel,you to fuck off.

YvesEveEave · 12/09/2021 08:05

@Bluntness100

Wow I just can’t imagine treating someone who asked for help like you and your husband did. She just asked him to go view a car, she’s clearly unsure about doing it on her own.

I really hope you and your husband don’t need help one day, becayse if you do karma is a bitch and likely the person you ask will tel,you to fuck off.

Karma is not real and if it was, it would be biting this CF in the arse, not the complete stranger's who came to her rescue when she needed a new tire on her car, then politely declined to advise her on buying a new car because he wasn't an expert. CF then wouldn't let it go and pressures him into going even after he declined. When he said a firm no she sent him an angry text and then slagged him off to a mutual friend.

If you are so helpful and #kind that you'd have rushed out, when you have an actual job and six children to deal with as well, to support a total stranger while she buys a car after she pretty much insisted you do it, despite having met you one time and her not being your employer, well aren't you a saint? And btw, I've seen you on here. A saint you are not HTH.

OurMamInHavianas · 12/09/2021 08:10

@Bluntness100

Wow I just can’t imagine treating someone who asked for help like you and your husband did. She just asked him to go view a car, she’s clearly unsure about doing it on her own.

I really hope you and your husband don’t need help one day, becayse if you do karma is a bitch and likely the person you ask will tel,you to fuck off.

Did you read the OP’s updates? You sound like another CF.

As others have said, no good deed goes unpunished.

For those too lazy to read: the DH (a man with other commitments including looking after his 6 children) already gave the woman - a stranger - help.
The woman expected more help then was rude about the DH when he was unable to do it.

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 12/09/2021 08:21

Well done for cottoning on so quickly about her being a taker, a user. A CF

Making your DH feel like he owes her Hmm

She’ll be in to the next victim soon enough

The same scenario happened to a friend of mine, the woman started calling her DH in the middle of the night to change a lightbulb for her…. The requests never ended. Don’t think there was an affair, the lady just liked having a man at her beck and call

My friend intervened and put a stop to it, her husband did not want to be mean to a damsel in distress …

Suzi888 · 12/09/2021 08:21

“Cutitour
Jesus have a bit of compassion. Maybe she doesn’t know a thing about cars. Maybe she doesn’t know any men who know anything about cars. Maybe she’s struggling with a job and kids on her own and is sick of car issues so just wants a bit of advice on what to avoid.

Weirdly not every single woman wants to shag your husbands hmm
This, 100%.

You are mean spirited.”

^ Agree. I think it’s a bit mean but I can see your DH might not want to get involved in advising her on whether a car is good or not. DH and I are both clueless. I’m not after anyone’s husband or boyfriend though. Flipping eck, honestly don’t know how most of you get through life, if you are constantly consumed by thoughts that women are after your men. Thankfully I’m in the AA.

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