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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I wrong to put a stop to this woman pestering my DH !!

243 replies

Highfivemum · 11/09/2021 19:45

At primary school I met a lady who had children in older yrs. Not friends just knew of her. She is divorced .Fast track 3 years and I get a call from a friend ( who is friends with her ) to say she is stranded with a flat Tyre not far from me and can’t change her trye. Can my DH help if he is at home as she is terrified at the side of road ( my DF know my DH works shifts and is good with cars) so I told my DH who was at home and of he went with his tools and changed her Tyre. I sent her my DH number and said he is on his way . My DH came home and said she was distraught as she had a flat near the road and is sick of her car having issues and needs a new one. I thought that was it. Good turn done. A few days later my husband said this woman had messaged and it it had details of a car she was thinking of buying and what did he think. ?? Was it a good car etc ? He replied saying not sure it depends on the car really. That was that. Then a few days later my DH said he had a message again saying she had seen another car and did he thinknit any good ? He didn’t reply. I though that was it then last night she messaged again can he go with her to look at a car !! I am not a jealous person in any way but I thought this is taking the P ....
My DH said he didn’t think he should go as he didn’t know her and she was a bit full on but if she needed help should he ? I said no. Don’t go. Now though I am thinking was I selfish. ???

OP posts:
Bobsyer · 11/09/2021 22:33

OMG she's a classic Cheeky Fucker.

No I would not be happy with this and I don't think my husband would either. I'm a bit perplexed that your mate asked you to ask your husband to help her with the tyre when she could have just called the AA or RAC? And now she's harassing him under the guise of 'help'? Presumably she has access to google?

Her final remark just takes the biscuit. No doubt her spin on the story will be that she had it all arranged but you made your own husband say no.

Admittedly I'm wound up this evening but god, this has annoyed me!

YvesEveEave · 11/09/2021 22:35

No good deed...! Ignore her. I am certain her friends know exactly what she is like, so don't worry about her badmouthing your DH. Silly cow.

OneMoreStitch · 11/09/2021 22:39

Well, at least she's off your (or his) back now! After that arsey reply, I wouldn't bother being more than barely polite to her. Block away!

OneMoreStitch · 11/09/2021 22:40

Unfortunately, some people see a single good deed as an open invitation for you to solve all their problems for them. She seems to be one of that sort.

Plumtree391 · 11/09/2021 22:40

Don't worry about it too much, Highfive. The lady will find someone else to help her choose a car and she won't know anything about the conversation you and your husband had, she will think he just forgot.

I know how difficult these situations are. I feel sorry for her (I am on my own too and getting used to it), but also for you because one can slip easily into a supporting role (husband and I have done that in the past). That's OK if you have loads of free time but not everyone has.

If there was only a handful of people living nearby, obviously you would help somebody, and sometimes accept help, but it sounds as though this person has friends.

SmokeyDevil · 11/09/2021 22:41

@Highfivemum

I messaged my friend her started it all. Politely said what had happened and she already new. !! The woman had spoke to her already slagging DH off for letting her down. 🤷‍♀️
Knew it. What a cow she is. Sad
BoredZelda · 11/09/2021 22:42

If she is alone and possibly mental health issues etc then possibly you're being a bit selfish.

Oh for goodness sakes! None of that gives someone the right to keep coming back for favours after a favour is done.

Block the number and move on.

Notaroadrunner · 11/09/2021 22:45

@Highfivemum

I messaged my friend her started it all. Politely said what had happened and she already new. !! The woman had spoke to her already slagging DH off for letting her down. 🤷‍♀️
I hope you set her straight.
GroggyLegs · 11/09/2021 22:50

A good deed never goes unpunished!!
Your poor DH!

AcrossthePond55 · 11/09/2021 23:12

@Highfivemum

IDK, I would have shown up with DH and all 6 kids in tow. (not really)

I think your DH was right to block. Whether she was 'chasing' him or just imposing on him, he didn't want to help her pick out a car or be her Mr Fixit, end of.

I hope your friend told her she was being ridiculous.

Branleuse · 11/09/2021 23:19

I would discourage my dp from repeatedly helping out a woman we werent friends with.

Somuddled · 11/09/2021 23:25

I think she has judged that your husband and to a certain extent you (because you happily sent him to her rescue the first time) are friendly helpful people because you were friendly and helpful. I think it is really unfair of you to be oddly helpful in one situation and then be shocked when someone thinks that might be your usual mode of being. All your husband needs to do is politely say that he doesn't feel knowledgeable enough to help her decide and refer her to sites that do car checks.

YvesEveEave · 11/09/2021 23:32

I think it is really unfair of you to be oddly helpful in one situation and then be shocked when someone thinks that might be your usual mode of being

You know this is a really unusual and entitled way to be? Someone does her one favour and she asks for more repeatedly, until the poor guy has to give her a firm no. So she sends him a rude message back and then badmouths him to other people. And you think op is being unfair? It was very nice of them to do her a favour. That doesn't give her the green light to have them at her beckon call Hmm

notthemum · 11/09/2021 23:33

@DamnUserName21

Call me old-fashioned or whatnot but I feel she is being inappropriate. I wouldn't dream of messaging an acquaintance's husband even for car advice, especially every couple of days. Re car, I'd do my own research.

Beware-she'll likely continue pestering your DH to help with 'man' things if you don't nip it in the bud.

This.
Original poster
Highfivemum · 11/09/2021 23:37

Thanks for all your comments.
Of course I told my friend what really happened.
Helping someone out who needed it is something I will always do as I am sure my DH will and I will not let this woman change me. But I will be a little be wiser as to the likes of this person who felt entitled.

OP posts:
faithfulbird20 · 11/09/2021 23:46

Well if you think she's entitled...ask your husband what did he do exactly to make her feel that way...was he too friendly?

GoGadgetGo · 11/09/2021 23:48

Not read the responses. It sounds like she is not sure about cars and wants advice. Harmless but may be annoying if your partner has other things to do with his time.

Moelwynbach · 11/09/2021 23:48

I wouldn't particularly be asking someone who I barely knew to look at cars with me male or female.
The insinuation that she has mental health issues or a"bad personality " as suggested by a previous poster is also strange.
Let him do with it whatever he wishes.....as an adult and all that.

AnnieSnap · 11/09/2021 23:54

It sounds like your husband is telling you that he is feeling uncomfortable with this woman. Most people’s gut reactions are good. Send her details of the RAC service.

Phobiaphobic · 11/09/2021 23:55

She sounds completely insane.

NCBlossom · 11/09/2021 23:58

I think you and your husband acted totally fairly, kindly and respectfully of not just her but of each other. Your husband told you it was a bit full on and invited your response. I like that, it shows he’s mindful of people interfering in your lives. And repeated entitlement from a woman to your husband is interfering with your lives - you can basically feel it in your bones which is what you were alert to!

Trust your instincts. Usually right!

DoubleTweenQueen · 12/09/2021 00:01

@Highfivemum Yes, you were selfish. Sad people don’t care about just helping others out once in a while, Sheesh!
Buying a car can be a minefield if you don’t know what you’re looking at/for.

Redhotchilis · 12/09/2021 00:08

@faithfulbird20

Well if you think she's entitled...ask your husband what did he do exactly to make her feel that way...was he too friendly?
Would you be asking this if the sexes were reversed? What did the woman do to make a man feel he could harass her? Was she too friendly? Hmm
Mamanyt · 12/09/2021 00:11

@Rubyrecka

What’s taking the piss exactly? She’s just asking for advice on a car!
She is asking it of a person whom she has met ONCE, who helped her out, and now feels as if she can call on him at any time for advice. That's exactly what is taking a piss. It ought to have been, "Thank you, very much," and the end of it.
SequinsandStiIettos · 12/09/2021 00:16

Changing the tyre = ought to have been covered by breakdown service
Checking a car = you can buy them with AA checks
I am single and have done both, including asking on here what people deemed to be reliable makes

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