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Original poster

Was I wrong to put a stop to this woman pestering my DH !!

243 replies

Highfivemum · 11/09/2021 19:45

At primary school I met a lady who had children in older yrs. Not friends just knew of her. She is divorced .Fast track 3 years and I get a call from a friend ( who is friends with her ) to say she is stranded with a flat Tyre not far from me and can’t change her trye. Can my DH help if he is at home as she is terrified at the side of road ( my DF know my DH works shifts and is good with cars) so I told my DH who was at home and of he went with his tools and changed her Tyre. I sent her my DH number and said he is on his way . My DH came home and said she was distraught as she had a flat near the road and is sick of her car having issues and needs a new one. I thought that was it. Good turn done. A few days later my husband said this woman had messaged and it it had details of a car she was thinking of buying and what did he think. ?? Was it a good car etc ? He replied saying not sure it depends on the car really. That was that. Then a few days later my DH said he had a message again saying she had seen another car and did he thinknit any good ? He didn’t reply. I though that was it then last night she messaged again can he go with her to look at a car !! I am not a jealous person in any way but I thought this is taking the P ....
My DH said he didn’t think he should go as he didn’t know her and she was a bit full on but if she needed help should he ? I said no. Don’t go. Now though I am thinking was I selfish. ???

OP posts:
YvesEveEave · 12/09/2021 08:24

@Suzi888

“Cutitour Jesus have a bit of compassion. Maybe she doesn’t know a thing about cars. Maybe she doesn’t know any men who know anything about cars. Maybe she’s struggling with a job and kids on her own and is sick of car issues so just wants a bit of advice on what to avoid.

Weirdly not every single woman wants to shag your husbands hmm
This, 100%.

You are mean spirited.”

^ Agree. I think it’s a bit mean but I can see your DH might not want to get involved in advising her on whether a car is good or not. DH and I are both clueless. I’m not after anyone’s husband or boyfriend though. Flipping eck, honestly don’t know how most of you get through life, if you are constantly consumed by thoughts that women are after your men. Thankfully I’m in the AA.

Filppin Eck, I don't know how anyone gets through life without learning basic reading and comprehension. Most of the thread from about page 2 said she isn't after op's husband. She's just a bit annoying and, it transpired later, a particularly nasty CF. There now! You can sleep a little easier, not concerning yourself about how we all get through life. You are welcome 😚
Phobiaphobic · 12/09/2021 08:26

@SeriouslyISuppose

There’s a certain type of person, who can be either sex, who sees an initial favour in an emergency not as a one-off to be grateful for but as an opportunity to ask for more, and gets cross when it’s not forthcoming.
They're called narcissists.
Strugglingtodomybest · 12/09/2021 08:32

I think that your DH was really nice to go out and change a complete stranger's tyre for them. The way she has then treated him is outrageous. Why the hell should he go with her to view cars??!
For a friend, yes, if he has time, but for a stranger? No!

cameocat · 12/09/2021 08:32

I can change a tyre but I couldn't advise nor would want to advise someone on whether a car is a good buy or not. That is a lot of responsibility and if she's slagging him off for saying he can't help what will she do if the car goes wrong, expect him to fix it every time?

Dinkydonk55 · 12/09/2021 08:37

From your OP seems bit of a leap to think she is coming onto him. More being a bit cheeky asking for his help as buying a car is a big purchase. and she should go to a dealer maybe and not look at ads

SmokeyDevil · 12/09/2021 08:46

This thread is such a good example of how so many 'highly educated, well paid professionals' can't read... or are we just seeing how many other cfs there are out there who would consider this woman's behaviour normal? Quite scary either way.

Returnoftheowl · 12/09/2021 08:51

Hopefully IP the shoe will never be on the other foot and you never be in need of a bit of kindness and advice from someone. If you are and get the door slammed in your face, remember this incident and that might explain why.

custardbear · 12/09/2021 08:53

@cameocat

I can change a tyre but I couldn't advise nor would want to advise someone on whether a car is a good buy or not. That is a lot of responsibility and if she's slagging him off for saying he can't help what will she do if the car goes wrong, expect him to fix it every time?
^^ absolutely! She's clearly got the grump because he said no to her, what would she do if he said it's a good car and it was a lemon - she'd potentially be blaming him, may try and get something out of him financially. As others have said she's taking the piss, your DH helped her out but it stops there, he doesn't owe her, if anything she owes him a favour, except she's clearly got an idea that he should jump if she calls - stamp that out and tell others before she slates him to others
Phobiaphobic · 12/09/2021 08:58

@SmokeyDevil

This thread is such a good example of how so many 'highly educated, well paid professionals' can't read... or are we just seeing how many other cfs there are out there who would consider this woman's behaviour normal? Quite scary either way.
@SmokeyDevil I totally agree. Can't believe so many posters think you should just endlessly give your time and energy to some random and very demanding stranger.
Talkingmouse · 12/09/2021 08:59

You have been completely fair to a mild acquaintance:

Helping mend a tyre in a tight situation ✅

Offering some initial guidance on car buying ✅

Spending half a day choosing a car? Then presumably repeat visits comparing and contrasting other options? ❌ no way. That is ridiculous. I wouldn’t do that for a close friend as it is a very personal decision, and work/kids/life etc. There is plenty of independent professional car advice out there. She is insane.

YvesEveEave · 12/09/2021 09:00

@Returnoftheowl

Hopefully IP the shoe will never be on the other foot and you never be in need of a bit of kindness and advice from someone. If you are and get the door slammed in your face, remember this incident and that might explain why.
Again, she got a bit of kindness (he went out to change her tyre despite her being a complete stranger). She then got very cheeky, which you will have seen I'm sure, having read the thread. Now she's badmouthing the DH to mutual friends.

I really wonder how the #kind #karma brigade really would respond to being slagged off by a perfect stranger, having done her one favour and having said no to further favours. "Ah yeah babe, that's totally fine. Here is my first born also". Snort.

Also, if you're so terribly kind, then why are you on here trying to get your dig in at the op? Shouldn't you be sprinkling flower petals around or feeding a baby lamb? Doing #kind stuff?

Horst · 12/09/2021 09:10

She can pay a mechanic to come and take a look or anyone else she knows who knows how to change a tire. She can get the AA or RAC out to carry out a check.

There is no need to attach yourself to someone who once helped change a tire and demand their time male or female. To then go and slag them off for letting you down when they didn’t agree to help any further than changing a tire shoes they are a cheeky fucker out to get whatever they can take from anyone who even tries to help them.

TokyoTammy · 12/09/2021 09:14

Return

She got some kindness, then not happy with that she pushed for more and then pushed again when she didn't get the answer she wanted and then was rude about him to friends after he did her a favour. What part of that is acceptance behaviour?

Struggling or not that is not how you treat people, especially ones who you don't really know. It's entitled and rude. End of.

It's nothing to do with whether she fancied the husband, that's a red herring. It's the fact that she put demands on others people's time and then throws a tantrum.

OP glad you told your friend the other side of the story. Cheeky woman!

TokyoTammy · 12/09/2021 09:14

*acceptable

bigbaggyeyes · 12/09/2021 09:18

That escalated quickly.... sounds like your dh handled it perfectly and it's good he's blocked her.

She sounds extremely rude and entitled.

burnoutbabe · 12/09/2021 09:19

In tort law last year, in negligence we actually studied a case of a lady suing a friend who she asked for advice when buying a car (from someone else) and the car was a lemon. She won her case!

PuppyMonkey · 12/09/2021 09:21

Who wants to bet she ends up posting on FB about your DH “letting her down”. It’s the classic.

Beautiful3 · 12/09/2021 09:33

I think it would have been nice to go with her to look at a car. But again up to him because they're not actually friends. She knows nothing about cars and wanted help choosing a good one. It doesn't mean she fancies your husband, just wanted advice about cars I suppose.

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 12/09/2021 09:33

I am all for a bit of kindness and before my brush with a massive CF like this woman I could not see the harm

I did not know that there were people out there who will just take, take take and think you are their own personal charity with no reciprocal concern for you but it turns out there are.

We wound up being used and abused by this CF for more than a year until I was scared to answer the phone and wound up hiding in my house pretending not to be in because she was round wanting something every day. Invite her for morning coffee and you'd still be trying to kick her out at 10pm, one lift to the shops and suddenly I've signed up to take her every week and am not allowed to go without her, allow her use of my landline to call benefits office and she makes an hour call to her friend as well.

All of this and more she thinks is completely justified and basically her right because we are better off than her and she is a struggling single mum. Any refusal and I am a mean bitch making her life even worse and do I want her DD to go without food etc. It was affecting my relationship and my DC as we had no time to ourselves in our own home.

Now I have wised up and I will never get into that situation again. I will still do a favour for a person in need but if they start asking more and more I would nip it in the bud as OP has done as I would view that as a red flag for a CF.

DoubleTweenQueen · 12/09/2021 09:36

Did OP's DH give advice to the woman about possibilities of getting a professional opinion when buying a car, or just ignore her and block her? If it's the latter, then that's pretty poor.
I can understand someone not being happy to potentially have any responsibility for another's car purchase, but he could have offered advice as to useful steps to take that she would probably not be aware of.

Put your pitchforks away.

GoWalkabout · 12/09/2021 09:38

Your husband has shown good boundaries. Laugh and move on. Others will gradually realise she is unreasonable.

orangejuicer · 12/09/2021 09:39

I'm probably going against the grain here OP but I really don't think your husband is obliged to do anything and yes this woman was taking up his time, that in itself is a reason to say no.

I'm sure all the other pp would have been happy in the situation Hmm

Whether it was innocent or not, your husband does not need to help.

orangejuicer · 12/09/2021 09:40

@Beautiful3

I think it would have been nice to go with her to look at a car. But again up to him because they're not actually friends. She knows nothing about cars and wanted help choosing a good one. It doesn't mean she fancies your husband, just wanted advice about cars I suppose.
Maybe she should ask someone else? Or you know, do her own research.
orangejuicer · 12/09/2021 09:40

I'm clearly on one today but why does this woman need advice at all? Are we back in the 50s?

SeriouslyISuppose · 12/09/2021 09:44

@DoubleTweenQueen

Did OP's DH give advice to the woman about possibilities of getting a professional opinion when buying a car, or just ignore her and block her? If it's the latter, then that's pretty poor. I can understand someone not being happy to potentially have any responsibility for another's car purchase, but he could have offered advice as to useful steps to take that she would probably not be aware of.

Put your pitchforks away.

Frankly, given the woman’s increasingly entitled and finally unpleasant texts, and the fact that’s she’s now bitching about someone who did a very nice thing for her in an emergency, I’d say he owed her zilch in terms of useful advice. She should have been grateful for a significant good deed, not viewed it as an opening to more.