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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I wrong to put a stop to this woman pestering my DH !!

243 replies

Highfivemum · 11/09/2021 19:45

At primary school I met a lady who had children in older yrs. Not friends just knew of her. She is divorced .Fast track 3 years and I get a call from a friend ( who is friends with her ) to say she is stranded with a flat Tyre not far from me and can’t change her trye. Can my DH help if he is at home as she is terrified at the side of road ( my DF know my DH works shifts and is good with cars) so I told my DH who was at home and of he went with his tools and changed her Tyre. I sent her my DH number and said he is on his way . My DH came home and said she was distraught as she had a flat near the road and is sick of her car having issues and needs a new one. I thought that was it. Good turn done. A few days later my husband said this woman had messaged and it it had details of a car she was thinking of buying and what did he think. ?? Was it a good car etc ? He replied saying not sure it depends on the car really. That was that. Then a few days later my DH said he had a message again saying she had seen another car and did he thinknit any good ? He didn’t reply. I though that was it then last night she messaged again can he go with her to look at a car !! I am not a jealous person in any way but I thought this is taking the P ....
My DH said he didn’t think he should go as he didn’t know her and she was a bit full on but if she needed help should he ? I said no. Don’t go. Now though I am thinking was I selfish. ???

OP posts:
GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 11/09/2021 21:06

Part of me wants to say "Reply!" just to see how many cheeks she has. :o

He should really just block her, though.

ladygracie · 11/09/2021 21:06

Sorry, missed your reply OP.
I think reply and say sorry if he wasn’t clear (even though he was), what he means is that he is not available to help at all.

FFSFFSFFS · 11/09/2021 21:08

Oh re the having children in older years meaning Grin okay I may have overreacted to that 🤣

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 11/09/2021 21:10

I once took pity on a single mum in similar circumstances and 'lent' her my DH and his electric screwdriver to put some flat pack furniture together. We never heard the end of it after that. She thought he was her personal handyman and wanted him to erect play equipment in her garden (that she bought assuming he'd do it having no idea herself) and mow her bloody lawn.
She had a massive huffy strop if he ever said no or even 'not today'.

She didn't have designs on him she was the same with me always wanting lifts, cash loans or to use my phone or my printer for free. She even asked me to put her on our car insurance 'to save me having to give her lifts all the time'

She was queen of CFs and we should have binned her off long before we did.

YvesEveEave · 11/09/2021 21:11

@FFSFFSFFS

Oh re the having children in older years meaning Grin okay I may have overreacted to that 🤣
Grin Easy done! I've done it (it was also hilarious when I realised I'd just thought I was being pithy and righteously indignant, but actually had just misread 🤣)
Whatamesssss · 11/09/2021 21:11

She is a CF. If you have a car and cannot do basic repairs yourself, you buy AA or RAC breakdown cover. You don't canvas distant acquaintances for help.

Just block her, she is weird.

Flobbertybillop · 11/09/2021 21:13

What if the car turns out to be a lemon? Will she blame him?

WeeChewy · 11/09/2021 21:13

Offft, hey him to reply no sorry and if she replies he should block her. Xx

ladygracie · 11/09/2021 21:14

I thought you had to have breakdown cover now as in it’s a legal requirement. But maybe I’ve made that up? And they would come for a flat tyre I assume.

LimeRedBanana · 11/09/2021 21:18

I’d reply back, ‘no, I'm not able to help’.

Do not add ‘sorry’ to it.

Then block her - especially if she contacts him again. It’s not like he needs her phone number.

peachesarenom · 11/09/2021 21:18

I think she fancies him! He's uncomfortable for a reason, his description of 'full on' isn't that polite man speak for 'I think she was trying it on with me'. Maybe she hasn't met such a nice, helpful man in a while. I would ask my DH not to help and be very clear he does not want her to message and then block her

Highfivemum · 11/09/2021 21:20

He has replied saying “ no I have too many commitments, good luck. “

OP posts:
LimeRedBanana · 11/09/2021 21:20

I don’t know whether or not she fancies him (being massively annoying isn’t generally the way to woo people).

But she is definitely very socially clueless.

CanofCant · 11/09/2021 21:21

That's a good reply.

Yummypumpkin · 11/09/2021 21:22

@rattlemehearties

What on earth indicates "mental health issues" *@Yummypumpkin* ? A bad personality isn't a mental health issue ffs
I mean getting very upset because you've got a blown tyre isn't usual, nor is asking strangers for help.
PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside · 11/09/2021 21:24

@Highfivemum

He has replied saying “ no I have too many commitments, good luck. “

Perfect response.

Well done OPs DH.

Notaroadrunner · 11/09/2021 21:25

@Highfivemum

Should he reply or just block. ?
Block.
Highfivemum · 11/09/2021 21:26

@peachesarenom

I think she fancies him! He's uncomfortable for a reason, his description of 'full on' isn't that polite man speak for 'I think she was trying it on with me'. Maybe she hasn't met such a nice, helpful man in a while. I would ask my DH not to help and be very clear he does not want her to message and then block her
By full on he said she wouldn’t stop talking. She was really upset when he got there and then I presumed she was chatty as she was relived to have help. He said she then went on and on. Mainly moaning about her car and she wishes she could be taught how to change a trye. Etc etc. After he changed it she then wanted him to follow her home to check it was ok .He followed her to the end of her road then came home. He just felt uncomfortable. If it had been one fo my friends he wouldn’t have batted an eyelid but she isn’t.
OP posts:
ThePlumVan · 11/09/2021 21:29

So because she’s single she must be after your secondhand husband? OK.

peachesarenom · 11/09/2021 21:30

Oh I see, I can relate to that tbh. I was very much like that when it happened to me. My MIL rescued me in the end. She bought me tea and cake, very much needed. I don't see why she is continuing to message though.

10yearwarranty · 11/09/2021 21:30

Well, he's doing the right thing. My DH is a car mechanic and hates requests like this. Who wants to get blamed when something goes wrong with the new car a couple of months down the line?

FamBae · 11/09/2021 21:37

We tell women to trust our gut so your dh should do the same; I've used the AA pre-purchase check in the past maybe you could suggest that.

Ianrankinfan · 11/09/2021 21:39

@BungleandGeorge

If the sexes were reversed I think some of the answers would be different! A man making a woman feel uncomfortable by texting repeatedly when they weren’t friends and had made it pretty obvious it wasn’t welcome would be seen as totally inappropriate. Just block her, she’s a fully grown woman and doesn’t need to be pandered to. She is perfectly able to sort these things out herself or to pay a professional
I agree with this comment.
Highfivemum · 11/09/2021 21:39

So just had a reply. Word for word this is what it says.
“brillant. Thanks for that !!! Will havé to cancel appointment now !!”
He has blocked her.

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 11/09/2021 21:40

I would reply (on your DH phone so she know you've read her messsages)

Hi , it's HighFive, Andy's wife .
It's a Zafira you;re looking at , yes ?
I'm planning buying one as my next car , I'll tag along on your test drive to see what its like . Give you a chance to handle the car fullly loaded

(oh and treat yourself to an RAC membership and some car maintenance lessons too ) but don't write that Wink

You won;t see her for dust

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