Page 15 | To wish I’d had my kids earlier?

40220s · 2021-09-11T17:41:26+00:00

My mum was 35 when she had me. She died when I was 16, and I had my first baby at 40. My dad died when I was 30. One of my friends at school got pregnant at university and I remember my dad making some comment about being glad it wasn’t me. But I look at her now and it got me thinking. If I’d had my first baby at 20 and my mum had me at 20 … maybe there’s something in doing it that way, as you’re more likely to have extensive support from family. Does anyone else think that this might be a ‘better’ way than the middle class approved route of kids in your 30s?

Realyorkshiretea · 13/09/2021 19:04

Thanks @Blossomtoes nice to know some doesnt think I’m Sue Radford in disguise

I’ve also said in an arbitrary way I think late 20s to early 30s is the best age, which is further towards 40 than teenage

ManifestDestinee · 13/09/2021 19:38

Firstly, 18+ aren’t ‘children’. 16 year olds aren’t either, but they’re only just ‘legal’. You’re using silly language to make the scenario sound as bad as possible

16 year olds ARE children. If you think that is silly language then there is no talking to you.
You may think children having children is a great idea, fortunately the vast majority disagree with you. It's abhorrent.

Rozziie · 13/09/2021 19:46

@ManifestDestinee

Firstly, 18+ aren’t ‘children’. 16 year olds aren’t either, but they’re only just ‘legal’. You’re using silly language to make the scenario sound as bad as possible

16 year olds ARE children. If you think that is silly language then there is no talking to you.
You may think children having children is a great idea, fortunately the vast majority disagree with you. It's abhorrent.

There was a thread from a woman wanting to charge her 16-year-old daughter rent/board the other day. This site is nuts.

Realyorkshiretea · 13/09/2021 19:55

@ManifestDestinee

Firstly, 18+ aren’t ‘children’. 16 year olds aren’t either, but they’re only just ‘legal’. You’re using silly language to make the scenario sound as bad as possible

16 year olds ARE children. If you think that is silly language then there is no talking to you.
You may think children having children is a great idea, fortunately the vast majority disagree with you. It's abhorrent.

What?!?!?! Are you feeling okay?! I have not at any point, said or implied that teenagers having kids is ideal or even okay.

But I would also like to point out that using words like ‘abhorrent’ is extremely offensive and incredibly old fashioned. It’s not ideal, but it isn’t ‘abhorrent’. What is abhorrent is the nasty way in which you’re projecting your own issues by making out anyone that doesn’t follow your nonsensical life path is a crap mum.

Popcornbetty · 13/09/2021 20:04

Oh definitely not, I had my dc in early 30’s (last one at 34) and felt it was the right age for me. I never felt ready earlier and was too busy travelling and being selfish! When I’m 40 they will both be in school and my youngest will be 6 so I don’t think that’s too bad at all. I feel still young enough to have fun with them and be there but have had life experience and no regrets.

Nonicknamesforcatapillars · 13/09/2021 20:40

Whatever age you’ve had kids, young or old, if it’s worked out well for you then you’re going to think that it’s the better way round to do it.

There are positives and negatives to all ages. Obviously there are the extreme, young teens and late 40s that I wouldn’t think was the best plan, but really anywhere between 18 and 42 is perfectly acceptable IMO. Obviously the ideal would be that everyone started and finished having their kids between 25 and 35, but that’s generally not how life works out for most people.

I do think there is a massive stigma on being a young mum these days, it is very much viewed as the lesser option. I would really love to see that changed. It really can work out well for many people as it did for me. I don’t buy into the whole young parents children have poor outcomes malarkey. Obviously a young teen with no support will find it harder to parent successfully. But someone in their late teens or early 20s can provide just as good a start in life for their children as an older parent. Of the 6 kids in the top group when dd1 was at primary, 4 of them had been born to mothers under the age of 21. Those kids are now at college and doing well for themselves. This is obviously very anecdotal, but you can’t assume that young parent = poor outcome come for the child.

What we need is more affordable child care so that more women feel that they can afford to have their families at a better age biologically, rather than feeling they have to wait until their late 30s to be more financially secure and able to afford that horribly expensive childcare.

ManifestDestinee · 14/09/2021 09:45

There was a thread from a woman wanting to charge her 16-year-old daughter rent/board the other day. This site is nuts

How is it nuts? One woman posted that so my point (which is not opinion, but fact) that 16 year olds are children is crazy?
Cop yourself on.

But I would also like to point out that using words like ‘abhorrent’ is extremely offensive and incredibly old fashioned. It’s not ideal, but it isn’t ‘abhorrent’

It's not old fashioned at all, and if you find it offensive I don't care. I find your posts claiming its a great idea to be offensive. Anyone who thinks 16 year olds having babies is ok is off their head, and I'd worry about their parenting.

Rozziie · 14/09/2021 09:55

@ManifestDestinee

There was a thread from a woman wanting to charge her 16-year-old daughter rent/board the other day. This site is nuts

How is it nuts? One woman posted that so my point (which is not opinion, but fact) that 16 year olds are children is crazy?
Cop yourself on.

But I would also like to point out that using words like ‘abhorrent’ is extremely offensive and incredibly old fashioned. It’s not ideal, but it isn’t ‘abhorrent’

It's not old fashioned at all, and if you find it offensive I don't care. I find your posts claiming its a great idea to be offensive. Anyone who thinks 16 year olds having babies is ok is off their head, and I'd worry about their parenting.

I was backing up your point that 16-year-olds are children, Einstein. Some people really need everything spelled out, eh?

Realyorkshiretea · 14/09/2021 11:00

@ManifestDestinee

There was a thread from a woman wanting to charge her 16-year-old daughter rent/board the other day. This site is nuts

How is it nuts? One woman posted that so my point (which is not opinion, but fact) that 16 year olds are children is crazy?
Cop yourself on.

But I would also like to point out that using words like ‘abhorrent’ is extremely offensive and incredibly old fashioned. It’s not ideal, but it isn’t ‘abhorrent’

It's not old fashioned at all, and if you find it offensive I don't care. I find your posts claiming its a great idea to be offensive. Anyone who thinks 16 year olds having babies is ok is off their head, and I'd worry about their parenting.

You are actively lying now because I have never said it is okay or ideal for teenagers to have kids. Why are you making things up? If you’re willing to make such a ludicrous accusation can you cut and paste exactly what I said to back it up?

dutchessmom · 22/09/2021 09:44

Up until a few months ago I would say that I wish I had my first younger, so I would be younger when ttc #2. But now I believe that everything happens for a reason. Also, if I want to be closer with my son, I have to try and achieve that kind of relationship with him and not blame it on my age. For example, I used to say that I get tired easily following his schedule, because I am 42, but now I see at as an investment to our relationship and I gain the energy I need from that.