DP has been offered a new job which is an excellent opportunity for him, it’s a really good career move as well as paying an enormous amount more. The problem is that it’s based 300 miles away from DP’s DD. She’s 5, her parents split 3.5 years ago and DP and I have been together for 2.5 years. We have no other children and it’s very unlikely that we ever will.
We currently have DSD 1 night in the week and every other weekend, there’s also ad hoc other nights here and there when her mum has plans. DP and I have discussed how things could work if we were to move and so far the plan would be that he would travel back at least every 4 weeks (he’ll try and arrange it for every 3 though) and have her at his parents thur-mon. They both have bedrooms at theirs and DSD is very used to spending time there. Then she would come to us for the school holidays.
There is no doubt that taking the job will give DP the chance to provide more for his DD. He pays his ex well already (which he absolutely should) but this does mean that we are struggling to move forward with our lives. We private rent and are stuck in a tiny 1 bed flat, I sleep on the sofa when DSD stays and she sleeps in bed with DP. That obviously can’t go on for much longer. Moving will give us all more space, a proper garden, more money for activities, more money we can save for her, in future we’ll be able to buy a house that will eventually go to her and we can give her mum more for her day to day care.
If it comes to it I’m excited to go, I’ve always been a bit nomadic and enjoy adventure.
DP’s ex is going to go spare if/when he brings it up and I understand she has a right to be consulted and pissed off but are we being ridiculous to consider it? She has twice moved over an hour away for new relationships (that ended a short while after) and DP has just had to accept it and put in the extra effort to collect/drop off DD for access. It’s always him putting in the effort because ex doesn’t drive. She is an oddly controlling woman and kicks up a fuss over things that don’t even matter, so heaven knows how she’ll react to this. Example: she’s pregnant and we asked her the due date because we wanted to book a holiday and obviously don’t want to book in the weeks surrounding the birth as we expect to be needed to have DSD while she recovers/bonds in peace etc. Would she tell us? No. Cue incoming barrage about how it’s not our business and she doesn’t need our help etc etc. We’ve guessed and booked anyway but that’ll rear it’s head again.
Nothing is set, he is also in talks for a job much closer but we are genuinely torn. I’d hate to think we’re putting money over time with DSD but this is the real world and if you want things you have to go and get them.