WIBU to end it over this?

[ilovehalloumi]

Been seeing a lovely bloke for 3/4 months, all going well. Treats me great, loads in common, fantastic sex.

Took me out for dinner tonight, ended up in a few cocktail bars, both got fairly drunk.

Got back to mine, went to bed, I woke up a couple of hours later to him PISSING IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM!!

He's stayed over a few times, definitely knows where the bathroom is.

I'm properly grossed out, obviously when he wakes he will be cleaning it up. I've hardly slept because I feel properly furious.

WIBU to tell him to leave and not come back? I've texted my bestie but since it's 6.30am I imagine she won't reply for a while.....so I'm asking you Mumsnet

I have a friend whose relatively new boyfriend (now husband) did similar... except it was on the brand new laptop her parents had bought her to use at University. Half-asleep, she watched him open it like a toilet seat and let loose Her parents were very conservative and would not have approved of an overnight visitor so she had to come up with another reason why it had only lasted a few weeks. He was mortified and it was a genuine mistake. A lovely bloke and obviously they ended up married. It is VERY grim but can you give him the benefit of the doubt this time?

Do NOT call him.

If he is interested in you, HE will call and apologise.

His anger is not good.
His lack of apology is not good.

His lack of shock suggests it's not the first time either.

If you have any self respect, you will wait to be called and if he doesn't, he is NO loss.

I've just seen your update and he's not apologetic. Hmm.

I think you’ve massively overreacted. Completely agree with @Hellotoallmyfans and his reaction will have been a product of embarrassment, tiredness and a bit of a hangover. My now-husband once wet the bed when we were newly dating. He woke me up and told me what had happened, can’t remember a big apology but he was embarrassed. I laughed at him, we cleaned it up together and moved into the spare bed for the rest of the night. Has never happened again in 14 years. If I’d started shouting at him and kicked him out then the situation would have been needlessly escalated.

@category12

The problem is, he’s annoyed that she’s annoyed. He didn’t offer an apology. That’s a far greater indication of who he is than the actual pissing is.

This

This.

It means you can never express annoyance / concern about anything in your relationship without the certain knowledge that he will be annoyed at you. So, you are stuck and can never make progress.
Pointless. I'd bin him for that.

I remember an ex of mine did this years ago. Funny though, I've never heard of a woman doing this...

A couple of my (female) friends did this at Uni - one opened her wardrobe and weed in the corner of it and another went at the bottom of her bed but randomly spread some magazines on the floor first so sne didn't wee on the carpet. Both asleep but very pissed!

I bet he's mortified and covering it up,

My ex DH pissed in my penny jar the first time he stayed over. He was so embarrassed.

Wow the people on here who think this is okay! It's not, it's completely grim.

IF he had been mortified and apologised then maybe you might consider it a one off drunken accident and let it go.

BUT instead he's acted like a petulant child, and made you feel that you're in the wrong for being upset about it.

Please, please, please don't call him. Let him call you and apologise profusely for his behaviour and for his reaction. If he doesn't do that, you have to let him go. I promise you if you call him and apologise, you'll end up regretting it.

It's gross but it happens when some people are way beyond drunk - they've lost their spatial awareness.

My best friend of 30 years did the same a few years ago. I woke up because I heard noises, after pissing on the carpet he suddenly realised what he's done and was trying to clean up.

We talked about it over lunch and had a few giggles over it. He cleaned it up, not a problem.

Shit happens when you drink too much.

@MadamBatty

I sleepwalk, I’ve done housework in my sleep.

I’ve never peed where I shouldn’t…why is that?

Same here, I’ve sleepwalked to every room in my house, never peed in the wrong room.

@ilovehalloumi

He's never sleepwalked before. I did shout and he went to the bathroom. I followed him and said 'what the fuck' and he said he thought he was in the bathroom. He knows he did it, he apologised.

I haven't gained anything from seething, I just felt bad waking him up to clean it

He thought he was in the bathroom. YABU.

This is very common especially when a guy's had a few drinks and sleepwalks.
It wasn't deliberate.

Ask him to clean it up and never allow him to stay over at yours when he's pissed again.

Look, I’d be sympathetic to a situation such as this…but not if he was chippy with me over it. I’d expect an apology and a volunteered clean up as standard. My bad. Sorry. Moving on.

The moment he said, ‘oh, so you’re angry’ was pivotal. He deflected blame from himself and levelled an accusation at OP instead, one of unreasonableness. He is unable to accept that he did something wrong and humble himself with a simple apology. This does not bode well for the future. There’s a lot of self-interest and a lack of empathy in this exchange. For me, alarm bells.

Ask him to clean it up and never allow him to stay over at yours when he's pissed again.

But then she could never move in with him so better to just end things.

@Buildingthefuture

YABU…..it’s not that uncommon! He was pissed/sleep walking and got confused, he did not intentionally pee in your room! Years ago, my exh did this in a hotel, he actually ignored the en-suite, walked out of the room, into the corridor and peed out there….he only fully woke up when he couldn’t get back into the room (door had locked behind him). He was starkers and MORTIFIED!!!

Mine did too 🤣🤣🤣 and he’s an ex too 🤣

She was angry with him though, for something that he couldn't help and didn't do deliberately. That probably rang alarm bells for him.

When they were dating my friends woke to her now dh stood at the bottom of the bed peeing on her feet. Thankfully it was a one off!

Think you should have a chat when your got over your frustration/anger and he's got over the initial embarrasment and see how you both feel.

There is no way I would have left of overnight soaking into my floor boards. You'll never get rid of the smell.

@takehomepay

Do they ever do this when they live alone? Or only when a woman is around who may clean it up?

Yes. Men who sleepwalk also do it in their own homes. They also do it at male friends' houses. It's been pointed out several times now that the urinating in wardrobes/bedrooms/stairs etc is not uncommon when under the influence of alcohol and in an unfamiliar place, so it stands to reason that this is more likely to happen somewhere other than home. There's also the fact that a man who pisses in his own bedroom, alone, when he's drunk and sleepwalking is very unlikely to publicise the fact.

It's nothing whatsoever to do with sexism 🙄 There is so, so much genuine discrimination that we face as women. It's so damaging to the cause when people insist on clutching at straws like this.

@JulesRimetStillGleaming

She was angry with him though, for something that he couldn't help and didn't do deliberately. That probably rang alarm bells for him.

It's perfectly reasonable to be annoyed that someone pissed in your bedroom and didn't clean it up without prompting. Fgs.

Women are to be unbothered by any gross thing their bloke does or they're in the wrong?!

I've heard of men doing this loads of times. I'd make him clean it up, I'd make him aware of how very very angry (for the rest of his life) I was but unless he did it over and over again I wouldn't dump him.

@JulesRimetStillGleaming

She was angry with him though, for something that he couldn't help and didn't do deliberately. That probably rang alarm bells for him.

If you wake up to someone pissing in the corner of your room I expect many of us would feel angry.

The moment he said, ‘oh, so you’re angry’ was pivotal. He deflected blame from himself and levelled an accusation at OP instead, one of unreasonableness. He is unable to accept that he did something wrong and humble himself with a simple apology. This does not bode well for the future. There’s a lot of self-interest and a lack of empathy in this exchange. For me, alarm bells

The problem is, he’s annoyed that she’s annoyed. He didn’t offer an apology. That’s a far greater indication of who he is than the actual pissing is.

It means you can never express annoyance / concern about anything in your relationship without the certain knowledge that he will be annoyed at you. So, you are stuck and can never make progress

All of these. His reaction demonstrated his attitude. It wasnt good.

Op, dont call him. He is perfectly capable of calling you.

@pictish

Look, I’d be sympathetic to a situation such as this…but not if he was chippy with me over it. I’d expect an apology and a volunteered clean up as standard. My bad. Sorry. Moving on.

The moment he said, ‘oh, so you’re angry’ was pivotal. He deflected blame from himself and levelled an accusation at OP instead, one of unreasonableness. He is unable to accept that he did something wrong and humble himself with a simple apology. This does not bode well for the future. There’s a lot of self-interest and a lack of empathy in this exchange. For me, alarm bells.

The problem is that if you put people on the defensive, they are going to react defensively.

I think the OP is making a drama of something that happens when people drink too much.

She has the right to call off the relationship and stay clear from partners/friends drinking too much in the future.

When you pee on someone’s floor you kind of have to concede that they’re going to be annoyed.

I hear you though and I don’t disagree. All valid.

The moment he said, ‘oh, so you’re angry’ was pivotal. He deflected blame from himself and levelled an accusation at OP instead, one of unreasonableness. He is unable to accept that he did something wrong and humble himself with a simple apology. This does not bode well for the future. There’s a lot of self-interest and a lack of empathy in this exchange. For me, alarm bells.

Yep. Massive red flag.

People minimising and defending this behaviour to the extent that the OP now thinks she should be calling him and apologising to him - that is honestly shameful. Recognise a red flag when you see one.