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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to end it over this?

700 replies

ilovehalloumi · 11/09/2021 06:36

Been seeing a lovely bloke for 3/4 months, all going well. Treats me great, loads in common, fantastic sex.

Took me out for dinner tonight, ended up in a few cocktail bars, both got fairly drunk.

Got back to mine, went to bed, I woke up a couple of hours later to him PISSING IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM!!

He's stayed over a few times, definitely knows where the bathroom is.

I'm properly grossed out, obviously when he wakes he will be cleaning it up. I've hardly slept because I feel properly furious.

WIBU to tell him to leave and not come back? I've texted my bestie but since it's 6.30am I imagine she won't reply for a while.....so I'm asking you Mumsnet

OP posts:
category12 · 11/09/2021 08:36

@Blinky21

Quite common, I wouldn't end it if he's a good bloke as he hasn't done it on purpose but maybe suggest he moderates his drinking when at yours. Would you expect to be dumped if you wet the bed?
I wouldn't be massively surprised if a boyfriend dumped me after I'd pissed the bed tbh.
HarrysChild · 11/09/2021 08:36

@barbrahunter

I remember an ex of mine did this years ago. Funny though, I've never heard of a woman doing this....
I had a friend who did this once, aged about 19/20, we were sharing a room and we can home drunk, i woke up to hear what sounded like running water…she was squatting over the linen basket at the end of her bed, thinking it was the toilet. She was mortified next day.
DonatellaVersace · 11/09/2021 08:37

I can also say I’ve met more than my fair share of men in my life and none have pissed anywhere but my toilet. As far as I know it hasn’t happened to any of my friends either.

Namechange1million · 11/09/2021 08:37

His reaction seems to show that this wasn't a first time. If it was he would have been mortified. He probably does it a lot...so well rid!

Sparklfairy · 11/09/2021 08:37

I read here once that some men really struggle to feel "shame" and convert it to anger. Whilst that explains his reactions here, it doesn't excuse it.

Theres no shame in saying "omg I'm fucking mortified" and cleaning it up, but he didn't do that.

I've done some stupid things (not that mind!) but always owned it. Hes a dickhead.

SteakandOnionPie · 11/09/2021 08:39

When I was at uni quite a few people experienced this, but this was often going home with someone drunk, them waking up not really knowing where they were (still drunk/asleep) and peeing in the corner of the room. I knew someone who had a lad pee over the stairs through the spindles everywhere. What I'm trying to say is it isn't uncommon however I'd be furious if anyone did this now as a 30 something!! He won't have done it on purpose, although it's gross get him to clean it up when he wakes up. I wouldn't dump someone who is otherwise great over a drunken wee, but I wouldn't let them forget it either!

Plumtree391 · 11/09/2021 08:40

Men don't like admitting they are in the wrong!

Summerfun54321 · 11/09/2021 08:41

This wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me. If I’d done something gross and very embarrassing in my sleep and my new parter was more angry than understanding, that wouldn’t be great either. You’re both adults and you both need to show each other a bit of understanding. I agree call him and see if he apologises but also I don’t think he should be grovelling and I don’t think you should be angry either, it was clearly a very embarrassing mistake.

starfishmummy · 11/09/2021 08:43

Hopefully his reaction this morning was down to embarrassment and that he will be knocking on the door shortly with a huge bunch of decent flowers (not petrol station ones) or other peace offering and apologising profusely.

Crumpetsandhoney · 11/09/2021 08:45

I had a new housemate walk into room and wee in corner in similar disorientated drunk sleepwalking. Luckily I told him to stop and he stumbled out more confused.
It was a one off thing. If everything else is OK, he's not a serious alcoholic etc and it didn't happen repeatedly then it wouldn't be a deal breaker

Lunificent · 11/09/2021 08:45

I think he will remain equally unrepentant. He probably thinks you owe him an apology for overreacting.

Outbutnotoutout · 11/09/2021 08:46

I'm so pleased my partner sits on the toilet to pee.

What a knob

minmooch · 11/09/2021 08:48

Oh op do not call him. The onus is on him to call you, apologise, take responsibility for his actions - whether he was asleep or not.

His reaction 'oh you're angry with me' suggests this is not the first time he has done this. And no way would I want this as part of my life - being on alert every time he's had a drink?

No apology? No jumping up and cleaning up after himself - he was expecting you to do it! Self entitled prick in my opinion. A decent person, an honest mistake would have done their utmost to apologise, clean up, promise to have the carpet professionally cleaned. He's done this before and will do it again.

diddl · 11/09/2021 08:48

@midsummabreak

I don’t buy that story that some men would have you think that they can’t help but piss in the corner when drunk. You and your DD is so much better off without him around.
I agree.

They are surely just going to the nearest "convenient" place.

Otherwise they'd just piss where they're lying!

Whinge · 11/09/2021 08:48

@Lunificent

I think he will remain equally unrepentant. He probably thinks you owe him an apology for overreacting.
I also think this is likely. I suspect if you reach out to him he'll just say that he was asleep, he had no idea, it wasn't on purpose, and ignore the fact he didn't apologise or offer to clean it up.
IceLace100 · 11/09/2021 08:48

I have a sleepwalking thing and have pissed in my room on the carpet whilst sleep walking.

It's honestly not that big of a deal.

I just cleaned it up and moved on with my life.

Maybe that what happened here? Don't dump him because of that!!!

Biancadelrioisback · 11/09/2021 08:49

I've done similar before and wee'd in a wardrobe.
It's utterly mortifying and I think I sobbed when I found out out of embarrassment.

For his reaction to be so casual I'd assume he does this quite regularly or at least is no stranger to doing it.

MagnoliatheMagnificent · 11/09/2021 08:50

Don’t contact him, he should be calling with an apology as a minimum. Flowers or something would be good too.

Pregnantpeppa · 11/09/2021 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsMoody · 11/09/2021 08:50

This thread makes me so glad I’m not in a relationship with a man!

monkeysox · 11/09/2021 08:52

If he's a nice bloke Talk to him ask him to clean it up. Bet he's mortified.

mummaelle · 11/09/2021 08:52

I think you're being a little harsh to cut him off over this as everything is going well.
It's not very nice but like you said he was fairly drunk, I'd just ask him to clean it up and speak to him about this.
We all make mistakes I don't think you should cut contact over one drunken incident.

LookItsMeAgain · 11/09/2021 08:53

That is very very very grim.

Definitely end it.

Whoopsies · 11/09/2021 08:53

I couldn't be angry at someone doing this while sleepwalking. It's really not in his control. My son is 7 and has done it occasionally. I know he's a child, but he's known to wee in the toilet since he was 2, he clearly never means to wee on the floor when asleep!

ExtraOnions · 11/09/2021 08:55

My husband did it once about 10 years ago … caught him just as he started, so was able to avoid too much mess.

Glad I didn’t dump him over it, I would have missed out on the last 10 fabulous years (with no bedroom peeing)

….not sure why you want him to “grovel”