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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to end it over this?

700 replies

ilovehalloumi · 11/09/2021 06:36

Been seeing a lovely bloke for 3/4 months, all going well. Treats me great, loads in common, fantastic sex.

Took me out for dinner tonight, ended up in a few cocktail bars, both got fairly drunk.

Got back to mine, went to bed, I woke up a couple of hours later to him PISSING IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM!!

He's stayed over a few times, definitely knows where the bathroom is.

I'm properly grossed out, obviously when he wakes he will be cleaning it up. I've hardly slept because I feel properly furious.

WIBU to tell him to leave and not come back? I've texted my bestie but since it's 6.30am I imagine she won't reply for a while.....so I'm asking you Mumsnet

OP posts:
Quirrelsotherface · 11/09/2021 08:18

Google it! It's not uncommon. It's disgusting but he hasn't done it on purpose. Honestly the people on here saying never see him again because of it, wow!

Monestera · 11/09/2021 08:18

You hear this so often. Why do they do it? I've never heard of a woman waking up in the night and weeing in the corner of a bedroom or in the wardrobe or at the bottom of the stairs.

Original poster
ilovehalloumi · 11/09/2021 08:18

A few people articulating my feelings better than I am on this thread.

I do really like him, if he had cleaned it up of his own accord and properly apologised, I would have probably put it down to a one off and let it go.

His reaction has pissed me off FAR more than the act.

OP posts:
FangsForTheMemory · 11/09/2021 08:19

@ilovehalloumi

Yeah I'm angry at that comment. He hasn't actually even said sorry yet, he appears to have done a pretty good job cleaning it though.
Maybe he’s had practice?
pictish · 11/09/2021 08:20

I know (and really like) a bloke who did a jobby on the turntable of his record player in his room as a drunk youngster. His dad looked in on him and went ORBITAL.
Oooh dear.

Sunbird24 · 11/09/2021 08:20

Not just a man thing, I was once on a course where I was in a shared room with a bunch of other women and woke up to one of them sat on my bed fast asleep having a wee. She was mortified when I woke her up, she got my wet sheets etc straight in the washing machine and luckily there was spare bedding.

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 11/09/2021 08:25

Is it possible to have a proper conversation with him to find out if this has happened to him before? He didn't seem overly surprised which may indicate that it has happened before, and he has sleep issues.

Either way, it would be good to find before you dump him for literally taking the piss

respecttheforum · 11/09/2021 08:25

@Monestera

You hear this so often. Why do they do it? I've never heard of a woman waking up in the night and weeing in the corner of a bedroom or in the wardrobe or at the bottom of the stairs.
I told a story about a woman earlier. Less common but it does happen.
EIIa · 11/09/2021 08:26

Yeah I’d be dumping that on the back of the attitude

Wonder why it’s always men Confused

Whywhenwhat · 11/09/2021 08:26

It's surprisingly common, an ex of mine did the same.
His reaction isn't good though, would make me question if he is usually so defensive when he is clearly in the wrong?

Christinatherabbit · 11/09/2021 08:26

Oh for goodness sake you both got drunk! He was probably sleepwalking, obviously didnt know what he was doing and will he utterly humiliated. You've found a perfect man but want to end it because he had an accident after drinking to much? I couldn't lay there knowing it was sinking into my carpet I would get up and deal with it myself then tell him when he wakes not start messaging people and coming on mumsnet to tell everyone 😒 Was probably a one off and he will be really embarrassed

Caiti19 · 11/09/2021 08:27

You know this is (sadly for anyone living with it!) a thing, right? He thought he was in the bathroom. He didn't decide to deliberately pee in your bedroom. Not saying you should be delighted but the lack of intent should be considered by the prosecution. I have more than one friend tell me of drunk husband "sleep-peeing" in the wardrobe after believing they had opened the bathroom door and were standing over loo. Sad, but true.

NewlyGranny · 11/09/2021 08:27

This is a thing with some drinks. I had a colleague, long since, whose final straw was he DH pulling open a drawer and pissing into her clean clothes.

Dumping offence, OP, but more so from the total lack of apology!

Animals, some men. Behaviour like a stray dog. Let someone else take over with this one. 🤢

Etinox · 11/09/2021 08:28

@Greytminds

It’s not an uncommon sleep walking thing to do, especially in an unfamiliar place and drunk. He’s likely to be extremely embarrassed when he realises. I’d have woken him at the time to deal with it to be honest, rather than silently fume. He’s no doubt completely unaware. Not sure what you had to gain by not dealing with it.

I had an acquaintance at uni who was renowned for doing this regularly. An ex boyfriend of mine also did it once. He was mortified and it didn’t happen again in the five years we were together.

I wouldn’t necessarily bin him off because of this. Agree it’s grim but I can’t imagine there was any negative intent and if he’s amazing in every other way….

As pp have said it’s not unusual. I’m a recovering alcoholic and have heard many stories in AA but this seems to be something ‘normal’ people do. His reaction will tell you what to do- hopefully he’ll be mortified and clean up. You don’t need a reason to break up btw. If you’ve gone off him, you’ve gone off him. Flowers
NewlyGranny · 11/09/2021 08:28

Drunks, even.

DoYouLikeOwls · 11/09/2021 08:30

@takehomepay

Do they ever do this when they live alone? Or only when a woman is around who may clean it up?
So you think he did it on purpose?

It is gross .I've heard of it happening before (definitely not on purpose). Not any of my partners. Make him clean it up (really well) of course but I don't know about dumping because of it.

Whinge · 11/09/2021 08:30

@Christinatherabbit

Oh for goodness sake you both got drunk! He was probably sleepwalking, obviously didnt know what he was doing and will he utterly humiliated. You've found a perfect man but want to end it because he had an accident after drinking to much? I couldn't lay there knowing it was sinking into my carpet I would get up and deal with it myself then tell him when he wakes not start messaging people and coming on mumsnet to tell everyone 😒 Was probably a one off and he will be really embarrassed
Have you read the rest of the thread?

His attitude when the OP spoke to him about it shows he's not humiliated and the lack of apology shows he's not sorry for his behaviour. Perhaps he's perfect for someone else, but the OP is looking for a partner who shows more respect and at least has the decency to apologise.

everythingbutthesink · 11/09/2021 08:31

Il be honest. My grandad used to wee in the wardrobe when he was super drunk, it ended up just been a standard joke an now he's passed my Nan has put him in his wardrobe !

ButterflyAway · 11/09/2021 08:31

Are you ok @ilovehalloumi ? Sounds like it’s been a pretty rough morning for you. Can’t be easy kicking a guy you’re into out, but if you’re not in love with him after 3/4 months might be the best to end it now anyway. Hope you find someone better Flowers

Planesmistakenforstars · 11/09/2021 08:33

Is it possible to have a proper conversation with him to find out if this has happened to him before? He didn't seem overly surprised which may indicate that it has happened before, and he has sleep issues.

He has left in a petulant strop without even apologising. Why should the OP have to do this nurturing emotional work when he can't even work up the energy to clean his mess up of his own accord or to even say sorry?

Original poster
ilovehalloumi · 11/09/2021 08:33

@ButterflyAway

Are you ok *@ilovehalloumi* ? Sounds like it’s been a pretty rough morning for you. Can’t be easy kicking a guy you’re into out, but if you’re not in love with him after 3/4 months might be the best to end it now anyway. Hope you find someone better Flowers
Yeah, I feel a bit shit to be honest. I'm knackered and grumpy. I have no idea whether I overreacted. I wish he had been apologetic
OP posts:
DonatellaVersace · 11/09/2021 08:33

That attitude would be confirming everything for me and I’d be getting rid. If he’s behaving like after pissing in the corner of your room after a few months dating what would he be like after a few years?! No thanks.

Hellotoallmyfans · 11/09/2021 08:33

I do really like him, if he had cleaned it up of his own accord and properly apologised, I would have probably put it down to a one off and let it go.

Listen, if I did something stupid in my sleep and was woken up by someone screaming ."WTF" and shouting at me to clean it up I wouldn't probably feel much like apologising right at that point either. He was probably still half asleep/drunk (as you said you yourself were) and not taking it in properly.

I'm shocked at all the people on here just saying you should dump him outright. Are these people in relationships themselves? Do they never forgive anyone even one mistake, ever? It must be really hard to sustain a relationship that way.

I would like to think I would never get so drunk I'd piss in the corner however I have had food poisoning and been so ill I've slightly shat the bed - should my then bf have dumped me or screamed at me to clean it up and expect an instant apology?

Look op, if this is a deal breaker for you and you end it that is your prerogative and YANBU to feel the way you feel (I suspect it's mainly shock as this has never happened to you before) but I think it's a shame to end a relationship with someone who you describe as a lovely bloke who you have great sex with over this.

I think his lack of instant apology is down to the nature in which he was woken up, his embarrassment and probably still being drunk and tired.

It's just a bit of wee.

Blinky21 · 11/09/2021 08:34

Quite common, I wouldn't end it if he's a good bloke as he hasn't done it on purpose but maybe suggest he moderates his drinking when at yours. Would you expect to be dumped if you wet the bed?

Original poster
ilovehalloumi · 11/09/2021 08:35

@Hellotoallmyfans

I do really like him, if he had cleaned it up of his own accord and properly apologised, I would have probably put it down to a one off and let it go.

Listen, if I did something stupid in my sleep and was woken up by someone screaming ."WTF" and shouting at me to clean it up I wouldn't probably feel much like apologising right at that point either. He was probably still half asleep/drunk (as you said you yourself were) and not taking it in properly.

I'm shocked at all the people on here just saying you should dump him outright. Are these people in relationships themselves? Do they never forgive anyone even one mistake, ever? It must be really hard to sustain a relationship that way.

I would like to think I would never get so drunk I'd piss in the corner however I have had food poisoning and been so ill I've slightly shat the bed - should my then bf have dumped me or screamed at me to clean it up and expect an instant apology?

Look op, if this is a deal breaker for you and you end it that is your prerogative and YANBU to feel the way you feel (I suspect it's mainly shock as this has never happened to you before) but I think it's a shame to end a relationship with someone who you describe as a lovely bloke who you have great sex with over this.

I think his lack of instant apology is down to the nature in which he was woken up, his embarrassment and probably still being drunk and tired.

It's just a bit of wee.

Thought provoking comment, thank you. I'll calm down a bit and call him maybe.
OP posts:
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