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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to end it over this?

700 replies

ilovehalloumi · 11/09/2021 06:36

Been seeing a lovely bloke for 3/4 months, all going well. Treats me great, loads in common, fantastic sex.

Took me out for dinner tonight, ended up in a few cocktail bars, both got fairly drunk.

Got back to mine, went to bed, I woke up a couple of hours later to him PISSING IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM!!

He's stayed over a few times, definitely knows where the bathroom is.

I'm properly grossed out, obviously when he wakes he will be cleaning it up. I've hardly slept because I feel properly furious.

WIBU to tell him to leave and not come back? I've texted my bestie but since it's 6.30am I imagine she won't reply for a while.....so I'm asking you Mumsnet

OP posts:
pragmaticsanctionofbourges · 12/09/2021 20:18

Yep not uncommon at all and obviously not deliberate. I honestly couldn't get upset about something someone did in their sleep when still a bit pissed. There are much worse things to get angry about.

thedarkling · 12/09/2021 20:19

He didn't mean to do it, he's apologetic - yes it's gross but if you like him as a person it seems to me this is something you can look past once. Up to you though, of course - mumsnet slightly redundant!

Inastatus · 12/09/2021 20:19

If you are considering ending it over this then you probably aren’t going to make it through anything more challenging so yes, LTB.

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/09/2021 20:19

@HonoreDeBallsache

PS OP, you sound very young, with 'besties' etc. Given that you're evidently not 39 and worrying about your biological clock, bin this one. There are lots of chaps around who you will have just as much in common with, and who won't pee in your bedroom.
Patronising much, Honore? She's old enough to have a daughter who's at her dad's this weekend.
peppermintpat · 12/09/2021 20:20

Slightly off topic, I work in a dementia care home. The men piss absolutely everywhere! The ladies funnily enough never whip their clothes down and crouch in a corner.

HonoreDeBallsache · 12/09/2021 20:22

@WhereYouLeftIt You may be right, and she may be a mature woman. In that case, she ought perhaps to have moved on from consulting her "bestie" whether it's ok for a potential stepfather for her daughter to pee in her bedroom or not.

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 12/09/2021 20:23

I bet he saw this thread and realised that if he said sorry all would be forgiven. Either that or he went on Reddit and they all said mate, you need to actually say sorry.

Dibbydoos · 12/09/2021 20:29

A guy I knew got drunk and peed on the curtains in his bedroom. His wife made him clean it up and the curtains. He said he woke up fuzzy and really thought he'd gone to the bathroom... Maybe a good talking to after he cleans it all up and then decide....

grapewine · 12/09/2021 20:33

perhaps gently ensure he has a piss before he gets into bed!

He's not a child. She doesn't have to ensure he goes to the toilet, gently or otherwise. WTF with this place sometimes.

getsomehelp · 12/09/2021 20:33

Late here
My H has done this, I have managed to stop him before he pissed in my wardrobe. he can open a door, any door & start to piss, like its a virtual door to the WC. He is definitely sleep walking. He is lost, & looking for the door
It is when he is tired & drunk
He has also opened our bedroom door & pissed on the stairs/landing. I was livid & made him clean it up immediately.
(There are tiles, I could have left it & let him slip & break his neck)
Fortunately he hasn't done it for years

I know its repugnant. But you are correct, no apology is worse

HonoreDeBallsache · 12/09/2021 20:39

@grapewine

perhaps gently ensure he has a piss before he gets into bed!

He's not a child. She doesn't have to ensure he goes to the toilet, gently or otherwise. WTF with this place sometimes.

This.
TheNoodlesIncident · 12/09/2021 20:40

I've known of people doing this in a drunken fug and it might be unintentional but how they deal with the issue in the aftermath is the litmus test. Anyone who got chippy about it instead of trying to make amends with apologies can just bugger right off. Restitution and apology is how decent and mature people deal with their errors.

My DH has never done this to my knowledge, but if he did he would apologise unreservedly, own that he had erred and get out the Bissell carpet & upholstery cleaner to clean up (which we bought to treat the areas of carpet our cat pissed on when she was a kitten. Successfully, thank goodness, that stench just wasn't going away with regular carpet washers).

That's the Bissell SpotClean Pro carpet cleaner, OP. It's your friend here.

Stronger2021 · 12/09/2021 20:40

It’s a bit shit. But I can definitely say it does happen. My brother has done it after drinking certain types of drinks. In my parents house, in his in-laws house. And he is the best person you could ever meet in your life. So please don’t judge on the one event. You could be majorly missing out on a brilliant relationship.

HonoreDeBallsache · 12/09/2021 20:41

@Stronger2021

It’s a bit shit. But I can definitely say it does happen. My brother has done it after drinking certain types of drinks. In my parents house, in his in-laws house. And he is the best person you could ever meet in your life. So please don’t judge on the one event. You could be majorly missing out on a brilliant relationship.
Either that, or you could have a brilliant relationship with someone who doesn't use your bedroom as a urinal. There are many millions of men in the world, so you don't need to settle for one who does.
RainforestLizard · 12/09/2021 20:42

So, OP, how are things between you both now? Have you seen / spoken to him?

wildchild554 · 12/09/2021 20:47

Are you sure he wasn't sleepwalking?

Stronger2021 · 12/09/2021 20:50

HonoreDeBallsache
Yes of course what you say is true but this is some one who OP was developing a relationship with. 😀

Bouledeneige · 12/09/2021 20:52

This is very common - some blokes do it when really drunk and are unaware of it.I know a few who've done it. Clearly he didn't do it deliberately. Up to you if you dump him or not.

Stronger2021 · 12/09/2021 20:52

@Stronger2021

HonoreDeBallsache Yes of course what you say is true but this is some one who OP was developing a relationship with. 😀
@HonoreDeBallsache
Cavementality · 12/09/2021 21:04

YANBU
We all have different standards and this would be a deal breaker for me!
Get him to clean up his mess and leave.

Chant353 · 12/09/2021 21:17

Yeah, if he was drunk, he most likely did it in his sleep! My dad told us a similar story when he was staying at his brother’s, he thought he was in the bathroom, turned out he was peeing on the couch. My Aunty didn’t like him for a long time after that!

josbd · 12/09/2021 21:20

A bloke I knew used to do this. Sleepwalk into his parents' room and piss in the wardrobe! No excuse like being in a strange-ish house. This was the house he grew up in!

Lalliella · 12/09/2021 21:22

OP if you really like him give him another chance. He was probably mortified and felt humiliated which is why he reacted how he did. Talk to him. People on MN are always ready to scream LTB from their sofas when they probably wouldn’t IRL.

EspressoDoubleShot · 12/09/2021 21:24

@garlictwist

My other half occasional does this if he's had a few drinks. He is sleep walking and not really with it. It's not something he would ever do on purpose. Cut the guy some slack.
Really You’re all casual, yes occasionally does this like he used wrong recycling bin It’s gross. I expect he’s not bothered because you’re not bothering and cutting him slack
HonoreDeBallsache · 12/09/2021 21:25

@Stronger2021

HonoreDeBallsache Yes of course what you say is true but this is some one who OP was developing a relationship with. 😀
Well, yes. But she's only a couple of months in. That's hardly a relationship. She would be able to find plenty of men who "treat her great" and with whom she had loads in common - and they wouldn't piss in her bedroom.
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