WIBU to end it over this?

[ilovehalloumi]

Been seeing a lovely bloke for 3/4 months, all going well. Treats me great, loads in common, fantastic sex.

Took me out for dinner tonight, ended up in a few cocktail bars, both got fairly drunk.

Got back to mine, went to bed, I woke up a couple of hours later to him PISSING IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM!!

He's stayed over a few times, definitely knows where the bathroom is.

I'm properly grossed out, obviously when he wakes he will be cleaning it up. I've hardly slept because I feel properly furious.

WIBU to tell him to leave and not come back? I've texted my bestie but since it's 6.30am I imagine she won't reply for a while.....so I'm asking you Mumsnet

I would be grossed out but not angry about the weeing incident, provided it was not intentional laziness (which it sounds like it wasn't). As others have said this is a weirdly common issue in men who have had a bit to drink.

The attitude today would bother me a lot though. It's good that he has at last got back to you with an apology, but it is still suggestive of someone who goes in hard with defensiveness when they do something wrong, and any apologies are rare and slow to come.

If you decide to give him another chance then I'd have a long think first and make a mental list or the sort of thing that you will be looking out for as red flags and be ready to say goodbye over. It's rubbish being with someone who is never wrong.

@Sheffcouple

You are being unreasonable even considering chucking him for this. Though as a man I have never done this, it is not unusual.

News flash: she can dump him for whatever reason she wants. And this (and the lack of contrition / half-hearted text apology a day later) is definitely deal-breaker territory.

I haven’t read all the comments, but I’ve heard that it is quite common. One of my daughter’s friend woke to her fella peeing into the wardrobe!

@Sheffcouple

You are being unreasonable even considering chucking him for this. Though as a man I have never done this, it is not unusual.

I’m guessing your partner has never pissed on your carpet?

As Lime says, she can dump for whatever reason she wants.

Sounds like he was just pissed. Personally wouldn't chuck a guy due to this as it's not entirely voluntary conscious behaviour. If it should happen that you are more sober than he is in future perhaps gently ensure he has a piss before he gets into bed!

@beastlyslumber

WTF where did all the people suddenly come from saying this is fine? All of a sudden 60 people turned up all saying the same thing. So fucking weird. Was there some kind of reddit MRA/incel post on this and you decided to brigade mumsnet to defend incontinent beta males?

You’ve got to wonder, right?

And ‘incontinent beta males’ is bang on.

What an almighty over reaction

perhaps gently ensure he has a piss before he gets into bed!

…and yet another poster who thinks women have to mother their feckless, sub-standard man-child partners.

This thread is providing real insight into how some women seem to sleepwalk into shit relationships with shit men.

I'm very much female and I am very firmly in the "it's no big deal" camp - providing we are talking about the accident that occurred while he was semi-conscious/sleep-walking.

The morning after and his reaction I would admittedly be less impressed with.

You can't believe that so many people think this isn't an issue - I personally cannot believe there are people that genuinely think this IS an issue, given the fact that a) it's relatively common and b) it's clearly an accident that occurred while not properly awake.

My son has been in a relationship since before lockdown. They both have a young children from previous relationships. He's very proud and doesn't let on when things are difficult. She's incredibly insecure and gets bouts of acute anxiety. Whenever we go out as a family she accuses him of looking at or talking too lonf with the waitresses. He can't talk to any of the Mums at the school gates as she sees it as him fancying someone else. It's got to the stage now where she goes through his phone and he has to show her all his texts. My dilemma is, they are due to get married early next year and before I knew all this, offered to buy the wedding dress. She wants to go shopping soon but I don't want to end up paying a lot of money for a wedding dress which may never be worn. I don't think it will last. What should I do?

Ex husband sometimes did this after a skin full, but worse - he would open the wardrobe door and pass all over (thankfully) his clothes. He was drunk sleepwalking and thought the wardrobe was the loo. Annoyingly he would do this regularly as he was always getting passed hence he now owns the title of ex-husband!

@Welshnproud As a start, I'd tell him not to piss in the corner of their bedroom 😅

But aside from that, you might want to re-post your question as a new thread rather than a reply on this one.

I thought this was something that only happened in movies :o

WTF where did all the people suddenly come from saying this is fine? All of a sudden 60 people turned up all saying the same thing. So fucking weird. Was there some kind of reddit MRA/incel post on this and you decided to brigade mumsnet to defend incontinent beta males?
I don’t think anyone said it’s fine, they said it happens. Not really an offence worth dumping someone for if a one off. My DH did it once, when quite drunk (we both were) in 16 years, and he genuinely did not know he wasn’t in the bathroom as he wasn’t awake.

YANBU

I thought I'd definitely say you were being harsh to most things but I couldn't get over this.

Ew

My partner does this if he's really drunk, I usually am awake and can catch him/know when he's going to pee and guide him to the bathroom 🙈
It's a pest, but I'd never end it with him over it 🤷🏻‍♀️ he's drunk, not doing it on purpose and it's not an every night thing

@Squash83

So he’s a lovely person, but because he made a silly, drunken, unconscious error (which is a really common thing for men to do) you finish it. Well if he’s nice then maybe he can meet someone less shallow. He’ll make a nice change from all the abusive narcissists out there that singles have to navigate when dating. We really do have a culture of throwing people away like a cheap primarni top the second they show imperfections eh?

It's fuck all to do with the actual pissing. It's everything to with the lack of respect he showed OP. He didn't apologise right away, he made no effort to clean up until OP asked him, and showed a right attitude when OP clearly wasn't happy.

Ive had this happen to me with an ex too - in a wardrobe. Luckily it was his own wardrobe, not mine.

It's very common for guys as they wee standing up they get confused in their drunken state and think they are standing at the loo when they are not. For women you at least have to know you are sitting down, which helps you get it right.

Another one of my exes tried to sit on the washing basket thinking it was the loo. Luckily he was stopped before he could do anything in it.

As I have said to my (17+ aged) children many gazillion times over: nothing good ever comes of drinking.

(Which doesn't mean nobody should ever have a drink - but problems do tend to surface when alcohol/drugs are involved).

PS OP, you sound very young, with 'besties' etc. Given that you're evidently not 39 and worrying about your biological clock, bin this one. There are lots of chaps around who you will have just as much in common with, and who won't pee in your bedroom.

Mmmm so much for having a great time when having a drink .. When alcohol has all these weird affects … hope you can sort it and happily ! 👍 sincerely

@willithappen

My partner does this if he's really drunk, I usually am awake and can catch him/know when he's going to pee and guide him to the bathroom 🙈 It's a pest, but I'd never end it with him over it 🤷🏻‍♀️ he's drunk, not doing it on purpose and it's not an every night thing

Oh well if it's not every night then that's fine. I honestly couldn't stay with someone who would continue to drink to excess, despite knowing it leads to them pissing all over the floor.

YADNBU

1. He got hopelessly pissed. Why is that not a dealbreaker?
2. Useless apology. Why is this not a dealbreaker if #1 wasn't?

Why have people got such a low bar for decent behaviour?

Even if - even if! - he was sleepwalking (and yeah, all kinds of shit gets excused as 'in my sleep') why would you want to take on responsibility for that sort of behaviour going on?

You don't have to be 'reasonable', OP. You just have to be OK with your own decisions.

Wow! Standards are low today. So months/years down the line, she could be stuck with some disgusting bastard who pisses in corners or cupboards given the 'It's just a bit of urine' feedback. There was a recent thread about it.