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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to end it over this?

700 replies

ilovehalloumi · 11/09/2021 06:36

Been seeing a lovely bloke for 3/4 months, all going well. Treats me great, loads in common, fantastic sex.

Took me out for dinner tonight, ended up in a few cocktail bars, both got fairly drunk.

Got back to mine, went to bed, I woke up a couple of hours later to him PISSING IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM!!

He's stayed over a few times, definitely knows where the bathroom is.

I'm properly grossed out, obviously when he wakes he will be cleaning it up. I've hardly slept because I feel properly furious.

WIBU to tell him to leave and not come back? I've texted my bestie but since it's 6.30am I imagine she won't reply for a while.....so I'm asking you Mumsnet

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 12/09/2021 18:51

@ilovehalloumi

Okay, so I've just had a text - 'I'm really, really sorry'.

🤷🏼‍♀️

Took long enough, thanks for all your comments, I don't know what I'm going to do to be honest. Im seeing an old friend for dinner so I'm going to focus on her and worry about it later.

Too little, too late. No apology when he was actually there, I'd be wondering if his text apology was prompted by someone else rather than his own conscience.
Whatinthelord · 12/09/2021 18:51

My husband has done things like this a few times. He sometimes seems to wake and do things without really being awake. Luckily it’s not a regular thing but he has on a couple of occasions urinated somewhere thinking\dreaming it was the toilet.

Of course he should have apologised and cleared up after himself.
However I wouldn’t have been furious straight away given it seems like an accident rather than purposeful.

FictionalCharacter · 12/09/2021 18:53

@HintofVintagePink

I can’t believe the number of posters who think pissing on a floor, bed, drawer etc is excusable because of alcohol. It isn’t. It’s animalistic and disgusting.
I agree. “Sleepwalking” my arse, if it’s caused by alcohol. A former work colleague of mine was finally kicked out by his girlfriend when he did this once too many. He often used to pee on the floors when he’d been drinking. Once he peed on the tv. I got the feeling she had been very patient with him, but he used to find it funny and actually laughed at the tv incident the next day. That was the last straw for her.

Male friends have told me that in male dorms (like in youth hostels) this is a thing when groups of men go out drinking. Piss in the corners, or in washbasins, and the room stinks in the morning. You can’t tell me it’s just sleepwalking and we should be sympathetic to these poor boys.

AbstractEim · 12/09/2021 18:58

Quite common for people who sleep walk to do this once/twice. Dh did it once when we were on holiday with dc, that was 10 years ago. It’s the only time he’s done it in 20 years together, so I’d hope it was a once off. Maybe give him the benefit of the doubt this time? Although my dh did immediately apologise and clear it up, he was completely asleep until I shouted at him.

TheJade · 12/09/2021 18:59

My ex did theirs when he was pissed l. Not super pissed but certainly very merry. I was pretty mad but I wouldn’t throw him out over it 😮

H0neylove · 12/09/2021 18:59

Honestly I think lots of men do this. I have know an of two (boyfriends of friends) who have peed somewhere stupid after a few drinks. One had a habit of opening a drawer and peeing on her clothes. If you like him and he is a great catch I wouldn’t worry. Just don’t bring him home drunk.

AbstractEim · 12/09/2021 18:59

My dh is a known sleepwalker though, he’s actually got up and walked to the local park and only woken up when he stepped in a puddle bare foot so his his case wasn’t alcohol!

Paq · 12/09/2021 19:01

An apology by text is utterly meaningless in my book.

chaosmaker · 12/09/2021 19:02

So is it over or did you conclude it's just a bit of wee?

jitterbug85 · 12/09/2021 19:07

You have my sympathies. DP does this after a few bevvies and unfortunately doesn’t need to be that drunk to happen. I barely sleep when he’s been drinking listening out for him. He may have been too embarrassed or hungover to react properly or as you expected but sure he’ll come around and fix things. Only you know if it’s worth sticking with him but don’t rule him out just on this. How is he generally? Does he treat you and DC well?

beastlyslumber · 12/09/2021 19:07

WTF where did all the people suddenly come from saying this is fine? All of a sudden 60 people turned up all saying the same thing. So fucking weird. Was there some kind of reddit MRA/incel post on this and you decided to brigade mumsnet to defend incontinent beta males?

Jeannie88 · 12/09/2021 19:08

It happens, especially when you're in a different place and he will most likely be mortified! Not a reason to end it imo and just think of the fun you can have bringinging it up lol. Maybe see the funny side of it?

grapewine · 12/09/2021 19:10

I'm pretty surprised at the majority of the comments here. It's disgusting and would give me the ick. His reaction would clinch it. Just because a lot of men do it, it doesn't mean it is any less gross tbh.

eekbumbler · 12/09/2021 19:12

You can’t tell me it’s just sleepwalking and we should be sympathetic to these poor boys.

I actually pissed the bed 10 months into a new relationship, had had a drink but not overly drunk (we flipped mattress, I was mortified) I did the same in my Mums holiday home (had to take mattress out into sunshine). I've also wet myself on my own sofa because there was no acknowledgement from my body that I needed a wee - more than twice.

This was all in a 2 year period about 10-12 years ago, it has never happened since. Highly embarrassing, however it has never happened since.

I used to poo myself as a child in my sleep - very difficult childhood. I started wetting the bed again about aged 12. No reason I can think of. As an adult I was going through a stressful time, but I've been through plenty more stress since and have never wet myself.

There is something in the brain I think, it is not just being generally disgusting - it is mortifying! Clearly alcohol affects the brain and in sleep you do think you are in the right place. As for me when awake, I honestly dont know. My house stank. I'm not entirely sure there was anything I could have done about it.

Kteeb1 · 12/09/2021 19:14

I seem to be in a bit of a minority here but you are being unreasonable. My hubby did that once when we went away in a barge. We drank too much and he got disorientated. He was mortified the next day as a suspect this guy will be. You say he's lovely in all other ways. I would bring it up with him. He will be v embarrassed but you need to know if it's a usual thing. My hubster did it once (so far I guess but we have kids now so rarely get drunk like that) in 15 years. Seems a shame to end a great relationship over this, which is not uncommon.

SpidersAreShitheads · 12/09/2021 19:15

@liveforsummer

*Of course everyone has the right to draw their own lines - but it seems more than a bit bonkers to blame him for something which was done when he was sleep-walking/a bit drunk/half asleep. * OP and most PP's have been clear the issue is the reaction the next day rather than what actually happened
@liveforsummer In the OP, she said she was “furious” and couldn’t sleep because she was so angry at him. She was lying there waiting for him to wake up so she could properly bawl him out and then kick him out.

Similarly there have been many PP who have effectively said “gross - dump him!!” before he had woken up. There have been more comments along the same lines. Clearly there are many on this thread - including OP - who think that an unconscious accident while sleep walking/not properly awake is cause to dump someone. As I said, everyone is free to draw their own lines but I think it’s incredibly harsh.

As I think I alluded to in the rest of my previous comment, his behaviour on waking was poor. But if OP has gone batshit at him for something that was a genuine accident he’s probably feeling a bit aggrieved and also highly highly embarrassed. But absolutely he still should have been more apologetic. That doesn’t change the fact that there are many on this thread that wouldn’t have “forgiven” him even if he got on his hands and knees and licked it up 😂😂😂🤢😂

Poptasmagorical · 12/09/2021 19:16

Yes, it's a common thing that men do.

No, you don't have to tolerate it.

Asleep or awake, he still pissed on your carpet, didn't care when you woke him up to stop him, and needed to be told to clean it up.

His reaction is the part that worries me most. If you were asking what to do about a man who had weed on your carpet then maybe I could understand all of the people telling you to give him another chance. But what you're asking is what you should do about a man who did something horrible, played it down, tried to ignore it and then got angry when you expected him to do something about it.

A man getting angry about you being rightly pissed off is not a good sign. I hope you decide not to see him again, or if you keep seeing him I hope that you keep this reaction in the back of your mind in case any other red flags get waved.

AnImposter · 12/09/2021 19:20

@SavageBeauty73

I bet he's mortified and covering it up,

My ex DH pissed in my penny jar the first time he stayed over. He was so embarrassed.

Sorry but this just made me laugh out loud GrinGrinGrin
Tessabelle74 · 12/09/2021 19:20

I'd say he was drunk and maybe thought he was at home and in his bathroom!

Squash83 · 12/09/2021 19:21

So he’s a lovely person, but because he made a silly, drunken, unconscious error (which is a really common thing for men to do) you finish it. Well if he’s nice then maybe he can meet someone less shallow. He’ll make a nice change from all the abusive narcissists out there that singles have to navigate when dating. We really do have a culture of throwing people away like a cheap primarni top the second they show imperfections eh?

tommyhoundmum · 12/09/2021 19:24

This happens. For me the worse thing would be leaving the urine to soak in. I'd be mopping and disinfecting straight away.

Having said that, it hasn't happened to me, but have read about people who've had that experience.

IWishIWasABaller · 12/09/2021 19:24

Several of my friend's husbands do this after a few drinks. Have done since they first met and they went onto marry them Confused Wouldn't be something I'd put up with tbh

takehomepay · 12/09/2021 19:24

@Squash83

So he’s a lovely person, but because he made a silly, drunken, unconscious error (which is a really common thing for men to do) you finish it. Well if he’s nice then maybe he can meet someone less shallow. He’ll make a nice change from all the abusive narcissists out there that singles have to navigate when dating. We really do have a culture of throwing people away like a cheap primarni top the second they show imperfections eh?
He was clearly hoping OP would just forget it and not want an apology. Also probably hoping OP would have cleaned it up.
Cannyapper · 12/09/2021 19:26

This happens loads. It's a form of sleepwalking. If you are expecting someone to never make a mistake then you will be single forever.

Sheffcouple · 12/09/2021 19:26

You are being unreasonable even considering chucking him for this. Though as a man I have never done this, it is not unusual.

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