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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to end it over this?

700 replies

ilovehalloumi · 11/09/2021 06:36

Been seeing a lovely bloke for 3/4 months, all going well. Treats me great, loads in common, fantastic sex.

Took me out for dinner tonight, ended up in a few cocktail bars, both got fairly drunk.

Got back to mine, went to bed, I woke up a couple of hours later to him PISSING IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM!!

He's stayed over a few times, definitely knows where the bathroom is.

I'm properly grossed out, obviously when he wakes he will be cleaning it up. I've hardly slept because I feel properly furious.

WIBU to tell him to leave and not come back? I've texted my bestie but since it's 6.30am I imagine she won't reply for a while.....so I'm asking you Mumsnet

OP posts:
PurpleReins · 12/09/2021 18:11

My husband used to do this when we were first together and he stayed at mine after drinking…not always just in the corner of the room but once in my wardrobe 🤢 Seemed to be a mixture of drunkenness, being unfamiliar with his surroundings and sleepwalking while looking for the toilet. My dismay and his embarrassment seemed to make it stop after a while. But you have my sympathies OP.

SpidersAreShitheads · 12/09/2021 18:12

Genuinely shocked at the number of people who think this is an unequivocal dumping offence.

Of course everyone has the right to draw their own lines - but it seems more than a bit bonkers to blame him for something which was done when he was sleep-walking/a bit drunk/half asleep.

He clearly wasn't deliberately pissing in the corner of your bedroom. He should have been more apologetic this morning but I think @Hellotoallmyfans is spot on with their comments. I imagine he was mortified and I see from your updates that he has texted to apologise properly since.

Sometimes I sleepwalk and at other times I struggle to know exactly where I am when I wake up. I've done all sorts - I regularly try to climb out of windows, I chopped up some greens for my pet rabbit and sprinkled them over my laptop and a couple of weeks ago I sprinted up the stairs screaming - and I do mean SCREAMING - "help me help me help me" - poor DP had a rude awakening! When I was younger - older teen but living at home - I walked into my DM's room in the middle of the night, sat on the end of her bedroom and appeared to be about to have a wee. Luckily she woke quickly and was able to guide me to the bathroom in time!

If my DP accidentally peed on the bedroom floor in confusion while half asleep I would find it absolutely hilarious. I would never let him forget it. Urine is sterile - he'd absolutely be cleaning it up and scrubbing etc - but an unintentional mishap due to sleepwalking would be a source of much merriment.

MamatoRnC · 12/09/2021 18:14

I'm going to say actually you are being unreasonable. Its quite common for bloke to 'sleep pee' as I call it. My partner has done it a few times and he honestly has no idea he is doing it. I dont think this bloke has done this on purpose. Perhaps just have a conversation about it. Dont embarrass him but maybe explain he shouldn't get so drunk next time and yes he should clean it up but you don't need to be harsh towards him like a puppy thats house training lol. Poor guy just had too much to drink and I feel sorry for him tbh as you are blasting it all over the Internet and are furious with him for essentially sleep walking.

liveforsummer · 12/09/2021 18:19

*Of course everyone has the right to draw their own lines - but it seems more than a bit bonkers to blame him for something which was done when he was sleep-walking/a bit drunk/half asleep.
*
OP and most PP's have been clear the issue is the reaction the next day rather than what actually happened

Iveneverwonanoscar · 12/09/2021 18:20

YABU...I too had a boyfriend who did this once or twice when very drunk...had no idea he was doing it. Didn't occur to me to dump him over it, he was so embarrassed the next morning and it was actually in his room.
Give him a chance, no one's perfect and he sounds like a lovely bloke otherwise!

RichardMarxisinnocent · 12/09/2021 18:22

If someone does this more than once, I am intrigued to know what happens to the things they wee on? Does the person who urinated on them clean/wash them, or arrange and pay for professional cleaning if needed? If it's something which isn't washable /cleanable do they arrange and pay for a replacement?

Yourcatisnotsorry · 12/09/2021 18:22

My OH did this in a hotel once. He was half asleep and thought the end of the bed was the bathroom 😒 just get him to clean it up/mock him mercilessly about it forever 😂

Cindas · 12/09/2021 18:23

I think this is very common. In his youth (long before I met him), DH couldn’t work out why all his clean socks were damp. Turned out that he’d slept-pissed into his sock drawer.

When DS was diddy, but toilet trained, he was sat on my bed watching telly, I came in and he said “Mummy, I have a surprise for you. A wet surprise”. He’d wee’d over the edge of the bed, into the corner of the room.

So, consider yourself gifted a “wet surprise”.

BritMommyAbroad · 12/09/2021 18:24

I’ve never had this experience but I know of friends whose partners did this. I think it’s fairly common. If your relationship is genuinely great then I wouldn’t end it for something like this.

notoldjustpastyoung · 12/09/2021 18:25

Not a nice experience - but not unusual with men who have drunk too much. The one occasion the guy I was with got out of bed in the night and went to the wardrobe. I yelled very loudly and he woke up and rushed to the bathroom. See if you can sort it out first, he was probably asleep, but apart from that it seems like a good relationship. These things happen. If it doesn't change don't let him stay over after the 'good sex'. I had one that wet bed that did make me mad and I didn't have him stay over. Good luck.

Twinkled · 12/09/2021 18:26

Yes this can be done in a sleep walking type stare . And it’s not uncommon . Have a convo with him about it . He will probably be mortified .

Localocal · 12/09/2021 18:27

He was probably sleepwalking and in his mind he was standing in front of the toilet in his flat. My four year old did the same once. I saw him walk out of his bedroom, turn left, and pee down the stairs. He definitely thought he was standing in front of the toilet, which he would have been if he had walked another metre before turning left. I thought it was hilarious and still tell his friends the story 14 years later. Halo

For my money fantastic sex is nothing to be given up lightly. I think if you fancy the pants off your partner your relationship stands a better chance of surviving long term. There's a reason they call it making love - the intimacy helps keep you close.

If you still have that chemistry even after this episode I would give him another chance. To jettison a good relationship over something he did in his sleep seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Covidconfuse · 12/09/2021 18:27

Obviously it’s grim but this exact thing happened to my friend - just so you know you are not alone!

cloudchaos · 12/09/2021 18:28

I don't think this necessarily has anything to do with alcohol. My sister (in her early teens) was found sleep walking and went to toilet in the room next door to the bathroom. She had no idea she did it and was mortified. She also never did it again as far as I know. I also think it's fairly common. Yes I would expect him to be apologetic but I could also imagine him feeling very embarrassed for something he had no control over, and therefore can understand him responding in a less than perfect way. Hopefully he will call you later to apologise.

Mermoose · 12/09/2021 18:31

His first reaction wasn't great, if he explains that he just felt really embarrassed and didn't deal with it well, I'd consider hearing him out.

I've heard of people peeing in wardrobes and things when sleepwalking. My husband used to sleepwalk. He never did anything like this but he did do plenty of strange stuff and if I spoke to him he'd respond as though he was awake, but he wasn't.

Harls1969 · 12/09/2021 18:34

I've done it (in a wicker bin in the bedroom) and DH has pissed in his wardrobe. It happens. Gross but it's not on purpose. I wouldn't dump an otherwise decent bloke for it, but I would be having words with him.

sussexoldspot · 12/09/2021 18:39

My ex husband used to sit on the edge of the bed and pee when he'd been drinking. I'd get rid if I were you.

Mrssheppard18 · 12/09/2021 18:40

This may be gross but this isn’t something he’s done intentionally

Uberstar · 12/09/2021 18:40

The amount of MN who have a pole up their arse over a bit of pee is unreal!
It’s not a dumping offence, if he’s ringing alarm bells in other areas, sound, bin him off.
If not, get him to clean up, and carry on with your new bloke.

Insanelysilver · 12/09/2021 18:42

Believe it or not I actually know three other people who’s Dp’s or BF’s have also pissed in the corner of the bedroom or the cupboard when very drunk. It’s really disgusting but clearly not that unusual.
Does he usually get that drunk?

Mumontour85 · 12/09/2021 18:44

My alcoholic ex husband did this once at my mums house when we were staying - he'd been sneaky drinking all day and I woke up at about 3am to see him in the corner weeing! Utterly revolting. It was definitely one of the last straws for me. I get that alcohol and sleep walking cause silliness, but ffs, these are grown ass men!

*I cleaned up, proper scrubbed that carpet and have never told my parents, even now that it's been years since it happened.

Petlover9 · 12/09/2021 18:44

@sussexoldspot

My ex husband used to sit on the edge of the bed and pee when he'd been drinking. I'd get rid if I were you.
I agree with this - gross, I would never talk to him again. Get rid
eekbumbler · 12/09/2021 18:46

Something my brother used to do - he'd even managed to get to the bathroom and then pissed in the washbasket next to the toilet!

He also walked in on his inlaws naked after a night out looking for the bathroom.

Personally I wouldn't end it, but I wouldn't be investing in new carpet any time soon!

BobbiPinsOn · 12/09/2021 18:47

I'd pretend not to have seen him and go over to his and piss on his couch Smile before breaking things off

LoverOfAllThingsPurple · 12/09/2021 18:49

If he did it when sober, then yes end it. But as for a stupid drunk antic that he would never dream of doing otherwise YABU