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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to end it over this?

700 replies

ilovehalloumi · 11/09/2021 06:36

Been seeing a lovely bloke for 3/4 months, all going well. Treats me great, loads in common, fantastic sex.

Took me out for dinner tonight, ended up in a few cocktail bars, both got fairly drunk.

Got back to mine, went to bed, I woke up a couple of hours later to him PISSING IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM!!

He's stayed over a few times, definitely knows where the bathroom is.

I'm properly grossed out, obviously when he wakes he will be cleaning it up. I've hardly slept because I feel properly furious.

WIBU to tell him to leave and not come back? I've texted my bestie but since it's 6.30am I imagine she won't reply for a while.....so I'm asking you Mumsnet

OP posts:
Eilatan2018 · 11/09/2021 17:39

@ilovehalloumi

Been seeing a lovely bloke for 3/4 months, all going well. Treats me great, loads in common, fantastic sex.

Took me out for dinner tonight, ended up in a few cocktail bars, both got fairly drunk.

Got back to mine, went to bed, I woke up a couple of hours later to him PISSING IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM!!

He's stayed over a few times, definitely knows where the bathroom is.

I'm properly grossed out, obviously when he wakes he will be cleaning it up. I've hardly slept because I feel properly furious.

WIBU to tell him to leave and not come back? I've texted my bestie but since it's 6.30am I imagine she won't reply for a while.....so I'm asking you Mumsnet

I’ve known a few drunk people do this! My sister once did it when she wasn’t drunk, we shared a room and as a teenager she got out of bed, stood up and weed on the floor! I don’t think you should end it, pretty sure he didn’t mean to do it! But harsh to end it just because of that!
Whinge · 11/09/2021 17:42

Goodness me it took a while for him to get in touch. I'm glad he's apologised to you, and hopefully he's had time to reflect on his piss poor behaviour and attitude. Enjoy your meal, and I hope the carpet doesn't smell too bad.

RainforestLizard · 11/09/2021 19:07

@ilovehalloumi

Okay, so I've just had a text - 'I'm really, really sorry'.

🤷🏼‍♀️

Took long enough, thanks for all your comments, I don't know what I'm going to do to be honest. Im seeing an old friend for dinner so I'm going to focus on her and worry about it later.

Aw, I really do feel for him. And you OP! He's apologised, he's a nice bloke etc etc. Forgive him and move forward with him. He was probably absolutely mortified. Don't chastise him for taking a while to text you.
LimeRedBanana · 11/09/2021 19:48

Don't chastise him for taking a while to text you.

Whatever you do, put up and shut up. A Man is at stake, after all.

chocolateorangeinhaler · 11/09/2021 19:53

That's what booze does to some men. Don't get so pissed up again. If it's a one off make sure he's suitably ashamed and forget about it.
If it happens again then...show him the door.

dreamofaVWcamper · 11/09/2021 20:20

Experienced this once, said guy passed out snoring after a night out, I'd been working, heard a crash bang hiss....thought WTF he'd gotten up for a wee, tripped over the curtains tearing the rail down, and peed in my large drawer full of ironed clothes!
Then promptly passed back out on the bed!
I picked up said curtain pole and belted the bugger with it, he barely responded!
Mostly my thoughts were is this for real?! My 3 year old has a better navigation of the loo!
Dread to think what goes on in some people's own houses!

RainforestLizard · 11/09/2021 21:38

@LimeRedBanana

Don't chastise him for taking a while to text you.

Whatever you do, put up and shut up. A Man is at stake, after all.

It's not a case of putting up and shutting up. The OP has said it's a great relationship. He must have been beyond mortified and has now apologised. What's to gain for not accepting that apology gracefully?

And as for "a man at stake". What's him being a man got to do with it? Even if it was the OP's female partner who wee'd in the corner I'd have advised the same.

Redgeraniums · 11/09/2021 21:41

@dreamofaVWcamper
You beat someone with a wooden pole for pissing inappropriately
Wow
I hope he called the police

CatJumperTwat · 11/09/2021 22:42

hopefully he's had time to reflect on his piss poor behaviour and attitude.

Grin
MitheringMytryl · 12/09/2021 01:19

@dreamofaVWcamper

Experienced this once, said guy passed out snoring after a night out, I'd been working, heard a crash bang hiss....thought WTF he'd gotten up for a wee, tripped over the curtains tearing the rail down, and peed in my large drawer full of ironed clothes! Then promptly passed back out on the bed! I picked up said curtain pole and belted the bugger with it, he barely responded! Mostly my thoughts were is this for real?! My 3 year old has a better navigation of the loo! Dread to think what goes on in some people's own houses!
Please tell me this is a joke...?! I hope you didn't actually hit your partner with a curtain pole
minmooch · 12/09/2021 08:35

That's not an apology. That's a I'll keep her hanging for a while and then I'll be a coward a text those 4 words.

It should have bee face to face or by phone. Not the cowards way out by texting. No 'im really sorry,how can I fix this', no explanation 'it's happened before, I need to fix this,' no questioning 'it's never happened before, I need to find out why/stop this from happening again'.

He wants you just to forget it and never mention it again. For me it's the disrespect - he pissed in the corner of YOUR room, on YOUR carpet, in YOUR house. No apology, no shame in the morning, and only cleaned up after himself when you told him.

pictish · 12/09/2021 08:51

It’s a good start. I hope he followed it up with something else. Sorry is easy to say but more of a challenge to be. I’d still note the deflection and proceed with caution.

liveforsummer · 12/09/2021 08:57

Hope you had a nice evening with your friend. The delayed 'apology' was a bit crap. Disappointing he can't come up with anything better

Lunificent · 12/09/2021 12:08

The apology should have come with an offer of reparation or something if that indicates he knows it was unpleasant for you.

billy1966 · 12/09/2021 12:17

Too little too late.

His anger at you for daring to be annoyed is who he is.

This is a dragged out of him apology which would mean nothing to me.

I would have the Ick.

OhDearMuriel · 12/09/2021 12:23

If he had a drink, presumably there was a lot of it?😷

I couldn’t have that on my bedroom carpet even if it had been cleaned really well and I’d want it replaced.

Someone I used to know accidentally did this in his in-law’s wardrobe.

TurquoiseDragon · 12/09/2021 13:06

@ChristmasFluff

People need to stop trying to get into other people's heads and excuse their bad behaviour.

Man pisses on floor and does not voluntarily clean it up or apologise. In fact, he makes out it is wrong of OP to be annoyed with him.

It doesn't matter why he acted like that. He acted like that. That is who he is.

That is how he responds when he is in the wrong.

So unless you want to be with a person like that, dump him.

OP was right, way back at the start. It's not about the pissing in the corner.

Agree. If someone pissed in the corner but went on to properly clean it up and apologise without prompting, then I'd let it blow over. In this case, no chance would I brush it off. It wasn't the pissing, but how he responded.
HangingChads · 12/09/2021 13:08

@ilovehalloumi

To be honest 'oh so you're angry with me' wasn't the ideal comment to make to me
I'd be 2 x fuming after this comment and would be showing him the door.
PUGMEISTER21 · 12/09/2021 17:39

Yes, if he was very drunk then he would have probably been doing it in his sleep. My wife has found me sleep weeing in the bath and have a number of mates who have also done it. It is more common than you think.

BBOA · 12/09/2021 17:40

Yes DH did this once when pissed 😂😂😂

Chris08 · 12/09/2021 17:40

He didn’t mean it, he was asleep

Toomuchtrouble4me · 12/09/2021 17:41

My DH and I were backpacking in our 20’s - he got off his face on tequila and that night - he kind. Of ‘sleepwalked’ over to my backpack in the corner of the room and peed in it!
It’s just the booze, he wasn’t conscious.

user1485851222 · 12/09/2021 17:41

He was probably mortified, relationship sounds good, apart from this, he wouldn't have done it on purpose. Can't understand you leaving it till he woke up, to clean up. You either should have got him to clean it up at the time, or if he was comatose you should have cleaned it then challenged h next morning.

It's not uncommon, an ex walked into his sisters, opened wardrobe door, did wee and went back to bed.

Probably a one off, is it worth ending a relationship if good in every other aspect?

PUGMEISTER21 · 12/09/2021 17:41

Just read the bit about not cleaning it up. That's an arsehole thing to do. I would hgo talk to him once the emotions have blown over. If he is still being an idiot then you need to decide what you want.

WagnersFourthSymphony · 12/09/2021 17:43

Haven't RTF but why are you even asking? It's utterly gross, however common it may allegedly be. (Shocking.)

Besides, you don't need to ask whether it's reasonable to leave. If you want to leave, you leave. You don't have to be reasonable. You don't need anyone to endorse your feelings.

But FWIW it's utterly gross and YANBU.