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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to end it over this?

700 replies

ilovehalloumi · 11/09/2021 06:36

Been seeing a lovely bloke for 3/4 months, all going well. Treats me great, loads in common, fantastic sex.

Took me out for dinner tonight, ended up in a few cocktail bars, both got fairly drunk.

Got back to mine, went to bed, I woke up a couple of hours later to him PISSING IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM!!

He's stayed over a few times, definitely knows where the bathroom is.

I'm properly grossed out, obviously when he wakes he will be cleaning it up. I've hardly slept because I feel properly furious.

WIBU to tell him to leave and not come back? I've texted my bestie but since it's 6.30am I imagine she won't reply for a while.....so I'm asking you Mumsnet

OP posts:
cheeseisnice · 11/09/2021 15:17

@grannybee55

There's a definite mix of opinions on this thread but it's really tedious and quite insulting when the LTB brigade try to persuade everyone else that they must have low standards or be incredibly weak to not end a relationship over this.

If you would call time for a one off mistake then crack on. But no need to resort to petty insults for those who maybe view people and life differently.

This.
Tractordiggerdump · 11/09/2021 15:17

Sleep pissed pissing. Quite common in some men folk.

BelleOfTheProvince · 11/09/2021 15:22

Leave him? No, he was mortified and not consciously aware of it.

Add it to possible wedding speech fodder/slow party story? Possibly 😈

TurquoiseDragon · 11/09/2021 15:29

@IceLace100

I have a sleepwalking thing and have pissed in my room on the carpet whilst sleep walking.

It's honestly not that big of a deal.

I just cleaned it up and moved on with my life.

Maybe that what happened here? Don't dump him because of that!!!

You made the effort to clean up, this bloke made no apology and no attempt to clean up until he was asked to do so. Definitely a lack of respect to OP, and a dumping offence.
TurquoiseDragon · 11/09/2021 15:32

To clarify, it's not the pissing in the corner that's the issue, mistakes can happen.

It's how he responded afterwards, and I feel it shows a lack of respect to OP.

beastlyslumber · 11/09/2021 15:43

@grannybee55

There's a definite mix of opinions on this thread but it's really tedious and quite insulting when the LTB brigade try to persuade everyone else that they must have low standards or be incredibly weak to not end a relationship over this.

If you would call time for a one off mistake then crack on. But no need to resort to petty insults for those who maybe view people and life differently.

It's not the pissing that's the issue (although that alone would be a dealbreaker for me personally). It's his response - i.e. not sorry, no offer to clean up, made OP feel she was unreasonable to be upset about it.

If you would put up with that attitude then yes, you do have low standards.

user1493494961 · 11/09/2021 15:48

In 6 months time you'll probably still get a whiff of wee.

Clymene · 11/09/2021 15:50

I think if you put up with a man regularly pissing in your home, you have very low standards @grannybee55. I'm sorry if that is upsetting to you but it's my opinion.

People get rid of pets who aren't housetrained. It doesn't seem unreasonable to expect the same from sentient human beings.

Waitingforthecowstocomehome · 11/09/2021 16:00

The dirty bastard. This happened to me when I lived in a bedsit. I had a bed/settee. My boyfriend had gone out for the night and was staying at mine, whilst I was on night shift.

I came home at 6am and went to bed. It was only later that afternoon when I woke up to a strong smell of urine, that I realised he must have pissed in the corner of the bed/settee when it was down in the bed position. He’d gone out by this time. There was no apology, no cleaning up. Needless to say I dumped him shortly after.

grannybee55 · 11/09/2021 16:02

@Clymene it's not regularly though is it, it was a one off, first time occurrence that happened because he'd been drinking. I wouldn't put up with repeated incidents like this. That's entirely different so don't change the narrative just to suit your argument.

My point is that it's possible to give your opinion without suggesting that those who don't agree have low standards and are somehow beneath you.

Chocaholic9 · 11/09/2021 16:09

[quote grannybee55]@Clymene it's not regularly though is it, it was a one off, first time occurrence that happened because he'd been drinking. I wouldn't put up with repeated incidents like this. That's entirely different so don't change the narrative just to suit your argument.

My point is that it's possible to give your opinion without suggesting that those who don't agree have low standards and are somehow beneath you. [/quote]
Quite hard to argue that, because it is low standards.

Bobsyer · 11/09/2021 16:09

I would feel EXACTLY the same as you if I woke up to this and had this reaction from him.

BUT. I might also have behaved the same as him, mortification does funny things to a person.

I guess if he calls and gives you a proper apology, and offers to pay for a proper carpet cleaner then I’d probably accept that and might give him a second chance.

It is entirely up to you however if this is a deal breaker or not. I wouldn’t blame you if you decided it is.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 11/09/2021 16:15

I think he should be calling you.
Its not the fact that he pissed on your carpet. Its the fact that he seems annoyed that you told him off when you saw him doing it. Did he expect you to just let him carry on?
I guess we can all say things in the heat of the moment, but he doesn't seem to be owning this.
Even if he thinks you over reacted, or you did actually over react - its still in order with a bit of calm reflection to apologise for pissing on someone's bedroom carpet!!!

grannybee55 · 11/09/2021 16:20

@Chocaholic9 😂😂😂

Must be nice living in a world where your opinion is fact. Listen carefully...Nobody is saying it's acceptable behaviour. What they are saying is they might be prepared to give the relationship another go if it were an isolated, accidental incident. That doesn't mean they have low standards.

LemonFantaGin · 11/09/2021 16:20

I watched my husband walk full pelt into tge wall in between our houses after I woke him from the sofa to go to bed after a few drinks, his brain clearly told him he was somewhere else.

It would be a serious conversation to begin with, but not a relationship ender.

NamechangeApril21 · 11/09/2021 16:23

My DH does this in his sleep a lot... has a habit of peeing in corners, in drawers, in glasses... once on a laptop. It's not great but it's not his fault- as long as he's dealing with the mess and cleaning it up, which he does.

Chocaholic9 · 11/09/2021 16:25

@grannybee55 There's some people on this thread who say they have put up with this repeatedly.

Pedalpushers · 11/09/2021 16:29

Peeing while sleepwalking is incredibly common, one of the main triggers of sleepwalking is a need to urinate. I know several men and women who have done it.

HeartvsBrain · 11/09/2021 16:48

I am in my 60's now, but over the years I sometimes have a dream where I am not at home (I think in reality that I have always been at home when I have those dreams) and I suddenly need to do a wee. I usually have some problem finding a public toilet, but eventually manage it, so then I sit on the loo and start to wee...
I have only ever been drunk 3 times in my life, and that dream didn't happen on any of those occasions.

I think that your boyfriend is very embarrassed by what he has done, and it is that very embarrassment that has stopped him from reacting to you in what you consider should be an appropriate way. If you had reacted in a much more understanding manner he would probably not phave got so instinctively defensive, and would therefore have probably let you know how embarrassed and awful he felt for his accident. I think that you could have been much more understanding and kind to him OP. I often wonder how many perfectly salvable marriages have been thrown away because of the "LTB" crew that love to advocate that as the answer to every little tiff.

ChristmasFluff · 11/09/2021 17:03

People need to stop trying to get into other people's heads and excuse their bad behaviour.

Man pisses on floor and does not voluntarily clean it up or apologise. In fact, he makes out it is wrong of OP to be annoyed with him.

It doesn't matter why he acted like that. He acted like that. That is who he is.

That is how he responds when he is in the wrong.

So unless you want to be with a person like that, dump him.

OP was right, way back at the start. It's not about the pissing in the corner.

Calyx72 · 11/09/2021 17:05

@HeartvsBrain

I am in my 60's now, but over the years I sometimes have a dream where I am not at home (I think in reality that I have always been at home when I have those dreams) and I suddenly need to do a wee. I usually have some problem finding a public toilet, but eventually manage it, so then I sit on the loo and start to wee... I have only ever been drunk 3 times in my life, and that dream didn't happen on any of those occasions.

I think that your boyfriend is very embarrassed by what he has done, and it is that very embarrassment that has stopped him from reacting to you in what you consider should be an appropriate way. If you had reacted in a much more understanding manner he would probably not phave got so instinctively defensive, and would therefore have probably let you know how embarrassed and awful he felt for his accident. I think that you could have been much more understanding and kind to him OP. I often wonder how many perfectly salvable marriages have been thrown away because of the "LTB" crew that love to advocate that as the answer to every little tiff.

Just thought I would point out that my marriage was not salvageable He strangled me up against the wall while in blackout (as well as occasional peeing) and he woke the next day and asked who had bruised my neck. When I got angry he rolled his eyes.

I still say run a mile.

Calyx72 · 11/09/2021 17:06

And maybe it's just peeing just now but great victim blaming there Heartvsbrain

Plumtree391 · 11/09/2021 17:08

You might forgive a one off with someone you've been with for a long time (& would certainly, I hope, cope with an elderly spouse who leaked), but the op has only been with this guy a short while so she has no obligation to put up with anything!

DrManhattan · 11/09/2021 17:26

I'm such a clean freak I would have to get a new carpet.

Original poster
ilovehalloumi · 11/09/2021 17:38

Okay, so I've just had a text - 'I'm really, really sorry'.

🤷🏼‍♀️

Took long enough, thanks for all your comments, I don't know what I'm going to do to be honest. Im seeing an old friend for dinner so I'm going to focus on her and worry about it later.

OP posts: