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AIBU?

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Original poster

WIBU to end it over this?

700 replies

ilovehalloumi · 11/09/2021 06:36

Been seeing a lovely bloke for 3/4 months, all going well. Treats me great, loads in common, fantastic sex.

Took me out for dinner tonight, ended up in a few cocktail bars, both got fairly drunk.

Got back to mine, went to bed, I woke up a couple of hours later to him PISSING IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM!!

He's stayed over a few times, definitely knows where the bathroom is.

I'm properly grossed out, obviously when he wakes he will be cleaning it up. I've hardly slept because I feel properly furious.

WIBU to tell him to leave and not come back? I've texted my bestie but since it's 6.30am I imagine she won't reply for a while.....so I'm asking you Mumsnet

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 11/09/2021 13:37

Omg you should have woken him there and then. He needs to clean it thoroughly for now AND pay for a deep clean. Fwiw I know of several blokes who are prone to this when drunk / even in their own homes. It's unlikely to be a once off.

Honeymare · 11/09/2021 13:39

I wouldn't finish with someone I really liked over doing this once, he was sleepwalking, it was an accident. I would tell him you are annoyed he didn't apologise though.

ElephantCup · 11/09/2021 13:42

My boyfriend pissed in my bin once when he was drunk. He didn’t remember. We have now been married for over 15 years, and he’s never done it since, so yes I feel it is over the top to end it with him

billy1966 · 11/09/2021 13:48

He was pissed in a strange place and may have been disorientated.

Its grim, but not unbelievable.

The being angry at YOU and not apologising is the REAL issue and THAT is completely unacceptable.

I really hope that you have not contacted someone who was disrespectful of your home and was angry at you for being annoyed.

Only someone with no self respect would entertain him.

Be mindful of who you are bringing into your childrens home.

You deserve better than him.Flowers

ny20005 · 11/09/2021 13:56

This is quite common for very drunk men.

It's usually wardrobes or fireplaces though 😂

My friend got out of bed & pissed back into it. We woke him up shouting at him. I'm sure we just put a towel on it & went back to sleep 😂

See how he deals with it when you've both had sleep & time to think. Hardly a deal breaker to an otherwise good relationship

FindYourPorpoise · 11/09/2021 13:59

@Plumtree391

Men don't like admitting they are in the wrong!
None of them?
PieceOfString · 11/09/2021 14:00

I know a few guys who are prone to this after a few drinks. It's not so weird... and in the moment of coming round not reacting well is also not odd. But to have the last word as he's leaving to be making it clear he hadn't known he was doing it... is fine... if he adds a sorry and offers to clean/have it cleaned! He could be regretful and dignified while explaining he wasn't doing it on purpose, surely he realises this would be a shock for you.

I think he is only recognising how he feels in this awkward situation and is not giving your pov any headspace - on that basis - it's a no from me.

Plumtree391 · 11/09/2021 14:03

FindYourPorpoise, I was generalising. However it is very often the case, also their apologies tend to be general, not specific, eg, "I am sorry if I have caused......", never, "I am sorry I said/did ...., it was wrong".

FindYourPorpoise · 11/09/2021 14:05

I agree with @Hellotoallmyfans although I think he does owe you an apology.

I think this is the worst place to ask for advice about a situation like this. Mumsnet is full of clean freaks and people who are unwilling to give anyone (particularly a man) the benefit of doubt.

It is unpleasant and I would have been shocked and annoyed too but I don't think he did it on purpose and I wouldn't break up over just this.

FindYourPorpoise · 11/09/2021 14:07

@Plumtree391

I think that's true of people, not just men. I've known plenty of women who would rather die than say sorry.

Nameisjustaname · 11/09/2021 14:07

I have always thought how these men can piss anywhere drunk thinking its the toilet but never fall down the stairs??

FindYourPorpoise · 11/09/2021 14:09

@Nameisjustaname

I have always thought how these men can piss anywhere drunk thinking its the toilet but never fall down the stairs??
Maybe some have?
tiredforever · 11/09/2021 14:18

I agree his lack of apology is the issue here. Maybe he has one last chance to contact OP with a 'sorry' and a 'sorry I was off with you in the morning. I was mortified' in quick succession on their next contact.

And nothing like it happens again.

The pissing in the room thing. It happens. DH once pissed over his expensive laptop in a hotel room and didn't realise until the morning. Believe me he did not intend to do this to an expensive item but the move from getting out of bed to the laptop was the same direction as the bed -> toilet route at home.

A lot of people only semi-rouse from sleep in the night, and sleep studies are an ongoing thing because there's so much variety. I've worked nights in hospitals and my understanding of 'normal' is broad, and 'not all that uncommon' even more so. It sounds odd and disgusting to urinate in rooms but it's under not-uncommon from my point of view.

QueenPeary · 11/09/2021 14:18

I do find it odd that is this is quite common among men (as it seems to be) and is because of sleepwalking why it's not equally common for women.

Is it because of the ease of weeing when you have a willy maybe? But still.

Chocaholic9 · 11/09/2021 14:21

I sleep walk often and I've never pissed anywhere I shouldn't have.

I actually think this is a case of men having too much to drink and then blaming it on sleep walking.

Mydogmylife · 11/09/2021 14:23

@KellyJonesLeatherTrousers

Definitely not uncommon! It’s not something he consciously did. Imagine being dumped for something you said in your sleep? Same thing. As long as he’s cleaned up, I wouldn’t do anything else.
DH did this once staying back at his mums, he'd walked as though he was going to our ensuite and ended up in his mums airing cupboard! He was definitely sound asleep and totally mortified - maybe check with him before just chucking him out !!
unsure111 · 11/09/2021 14:24

I know it's not nice but I think a lot of men do this more than they admit. My brother has done it and couldn't remember in the morning he generally thought he went the toilet. He was mortified but only ever done it in his own room. Your bf hasn't obviously done this on purpose he will be feeling humiliated I'm thinking. I don't think I would finish a good relationship over this.

EmoIsntDead · 11/09/2021 14:25

Fucking hell, some women here have shockingly low standards. I agree that sleepwalking and pissing in the corner is not totally uncommon but his reaction in the morning is the total opposite of what I'd expect.

The fact that he didn't apologise or immediately let to clean it up would be enough for me to end it with him. Then add to that the fact that he was annoyed at OP for being annoyed about a puddle of adult piss in her bedroom 🚩🚩🚩🚩

QueenPeary · 11/09/2021 14:26

I actually think this is a case of men having too much to drink and then blaming it on sleep walking.

But having too much to drink is common among women too. I don't these days, but I did in my youth and so did my female friends and I don't think anyone weed anywhere other than the toilet.

EmoIsntDead · 11/09/2021 14:26

*offer to clean it

Dorisdaydream2 · 11/09/2021 14:36

My DH did this once when he had been drinking. He couldn’t remember anything about it. He never got that drunk again, was a long time ago. I did tell him i wouldn’t t put up with it a second time. I genuinely think he was sleepwalking.

tiredforever · 11/09/2021 14:39

Maybe women do it less because we sit, and if I can feel the difference between seat-up and seat-down at 3am while still a bit drunk I'm sure I can tell 'feels like a toilet' and 'what the hell am I sitting on'. Men however just stand there and aim hopefully straight while surrounded by air.

bobblebeebob · 11/09/2021 14:46

If he apologises, give him another chance

I know so many blokes who have done this. I know of one woman who always peed the bed when drunk

Its bloody disgusting for sure but not sure its a deal breaker. I wish that men were less relaxed about pissing anywhere they like but sadly many of them are not and relieve themselves in public places. I think thats why theyre not able to control their bladders like we are

HoppingPavlova · 11/09/2021 15:03

Can't believe the lack of critical thinking in these posts. The relationship is a few months old and as OP has a child I'm guessing he's not a regular overnight visitor. I can navigate my house in the dark and half asleep comfortably. Doubt I could in a relatively strange house.

ChateauxNeufDePoop So, you are telling us you go pissing all over the place in strange houses?

grannybee55 · 11/09/2021 15:12

There's a definite mix of opinions on this thread but it's really tedious and quite insulting when the LTB brigade try to persuade everyone else that they must have low standards or be incredibly weak to not end a relationship over this.

If you would call time for a one off mistake then crack on. But no need to resort to petty insults for those who maybe view people and life differently.

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