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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to end it over this?

700 replies

ilovehalloumi · 11/09/2021 06:36

Been seeing a lovely bloke for 3/4 months, all going well. Treats me great, loads in common, fantastic sex.

Took me out for dinner tonight, ended up in a few cocktail bars, both got fairly drunk.

Got back to mine, went to bed, I woke up a couple of hours later to him PISSING IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM!!

He's stayed over a few times, definitely knows where the bathroom is.

I'm properly grossed out, obviously when he wakes he will be cleaning it up. I've hardly slept because I feel properly furious.

WIBU to tell him to leave and not come back? I've texted my bestie but since it's 6.30am I imagine she won't reply for a while.....so I'm asking you Mumsnet

OP posts:
Fizzbangwallop · 11/09/2021 12:48

I’m probably in a small minority here, but I would end a relationship over this unless he was prepared to become teetotal. I don’t like alcohol because I don’t like drunk people.

Chocaholic9 · 11/09/2021 12:49

@SylvanasWindrunner

Also I read an article a while ago about how it's particularly common in hotels (and a couple of PPs mentioned their experiences in hotels), so there's definitely something about being in a different/unusual place I think that can trigger it. So he probably doesn't do it at home, no.
If people know they are prone to this, they really should not be drinking, especially away from home.
ViperHalliwell · 11/09/2021 12:49

I know a person who did something similar multiple times (in his own house, not someone else's) and apparently it really was a case of sleepwalking. He repeatedly opened the door of one of the bedroom closets thinking it was the loo (it happened to be, consistently, where his relatively new wife kept her clothes and not where he kept his - but to be fair, they had very recently moved into the house so he probably didn't have an imprinted mental map as you would after living someplace for a long time).

He did get therapy for the sleepwalking and it was acknowledged that he might be acting on some unconscious anger or grudge toward his wife, but that doesn't necessarily apply to all cases. He was always extremely out of it and disoriented when woken from sleepwalking, which I believe is common, but would come to in several minutes and soon realise what he'd done and apologise/deal with it. (There wasn't alcohol involved though, so your guest's sluggishness might be partly down to that, too.)

I think the fact that it's several hours later after sleeping and sobering up and this person still hasn't apologised to you and didn't offer to clean up are bad signs. Probably you can accept that he didn't "mean" to do it, there was no conscious malice - but he still upset you, damaged your living space, and made work that he was perfectly willing to leave for you to clean up. And I may be reading it wrong, but it sounds like he's actually focused on your yelling at him rather than on his own actions, which is a bit concerning. I'd say the original act could be excused, but his follow-up doesn't speak well for his character or interpersonal skills.

Isis1981uk · 11/09/2021 12:50

@CatJumperTwat

Good grief, some of you need to raise your standards.

Don't let anyone make you second-guess yourself, ilovehalloumi. Leave well alone unless he grovels... and even then I personally wouldn't be taking him back.

A lot of these posters saying 'break up' remind me of the saying 'Love is an island everyone wants to get to, but they don't want to get wet'!

If he was doing it on purpose, thought it was ok, and never cleaned it, that would be one thing, but I'm sure there are things us ladies do that annoy men but they don't jump at the first sign of an imperfection! As others have said, it's a form of semi-conscious sleep walking and the adult thing to do would be to find a practical solution rather than relegating a perfectly lovely bloke to the shit pile.

JellyRobin · 11/09/2021 12:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Chocaholic9 · 11/09/2021 12:52

Christ, some of you on here have low standards

SylvanasWindrunner · 11/09/2021 12:52

@Chocaholic9 It's quite often an isolated incident though and they've never done it before or after. Of course if someone is doing it frequently then they should avoid triggers and seek some help, but for many it's just a one-time thing based on a particular set of circumstances.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 11/09/2021 12:56

I've known a colleague do this on a work trip into a hotel cupboard. If you're unhappy with his reaction fair enough to end it but the initial incident seems most likely an innocent mistake after a couple of drinks and then sleeping in fairly unfamiliar surroundings.

Unless you're really saying he deliberately peed into the corner of the room?

Wideawakeandconfused · 11/09/2021 12:57

Happened to me years ago except the guy not only pissed all over the hall way but also in my wardrobe and on my gorgeous boots and work shirts. I never contacted him again after telling him what had happened- he didn’t have a clue and it seemed to be no big deal to him.

beastlyslumber · 11/09/2021 12:57

I'm sure there are things us ladies do that annoy men but they don't jump at the first sign of an imperfection

Sorry, but if a woman did this in a man's bedroom and then acted like he was a dick for being annoyed about it, he wouldn't be posting online about 'would it be okay for me not to see her again' and having a bunch of men saying 'oh no, poor woman, she couldn't help it, you're being very unreasonable, give her a chance.'

Raise your standards, women. Look at some of the threads on here - men pissing in your bedroom, refusing to make you a cup of tea, going out to their mate's 50th instead of yours, complaining if they don't get a variety of different meals every day... And always you have women on this thread saying it's fine and you're being unreasonable for having any kind of boundaries at all. It's so depressing.

Raise your standards and men will be forced to up their game. If you all keep accepting and forgiving this nonsense, where's the incentive for men to even try being decent? They know they can treat a woman however they like and still have her defending him.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 11/09/2021 13:02

@takehomepay

Does his piss in the corner at his own house? I'll bet he doesn't.

💯 agree

Can't believe the lack of critical thinking in these posts. The relationship is a few months old and as OP has a child I'm guessing he's not a regular overnight visitor. I can navigate my house in the dark and half asleep comfortably. Doubt I could in a relatively strange house.
healmebaby · 11/09/2021 13:03

I’m mortified for him

CatJumperTwat · 11/09/2021 13:03

A lot of these posters saying 'break up' remind me of the saying 'Love is an island everyone wants to get to, but they don't want to get wet'!

The posters saying "it's just a grown man pissing on your carpet" remind me of the saying "so desperate for a man they'll put up with any old shit."

LimitIsUp · 11/09/2021 13:04

well you are either Pearl clutches or idiots

It never ceases to amaze me the lack of awareness in posters who have never experienced something (therefore it cannot be!)

My dh has never done this (he doesn't sleep walk), neither have any previous partners. Doesn't mean though that because I haven't personally come across this that I am too dim witted to comprehend that it can be an issue for some people. Although I would concur - don't drink too much if you are susceptible to this. However, this could be the first occasion that this has happened to OPs date - we don't know do we (but don't let that stop the judgement)?

sst1234 · 11/09/2021 13:05

Wow some women have a really low bar if they think this is common and acceptable.

sst1234 · 11/09/2021 13:06

@CatJumperTwat

A lot of these posters saying 'break up' remind me of the saying 'Love is an island everyone wants to get to, but they don't want to get wet'!

The posters saying "it's just a grown man pissing on your carpet" remind me of the saying "so desperate for a man they'll put up with any old shit."

Very true, some women are just desperate for male company to the point that they would put up with it.
Calyx72 · 11/09/2021 13:10

If he's done it once he will do it again
My ex H was awful for peeing when drunk. In bed, on floors, in cupboards, pulled a drawer open and peed Into my clothes.
Run a mile is my advice. His reaction was the same as yours too. I wasn't allowed to be angry because he "didn't remember doing it" and "didn't do it on purpose"
He stopped cleaning it up too.

FuckYouCorona · 11/09/2021 13:11

Dump him unless he contacts you to apologise. Do NOT contact him!

HintofVintagePink · 11/09/2021 13:12

@LimitIsUp

well you are either Pearl clutches or idiots

It never ceases to amaze me the lack of awareness in posters who have never experienced something (therefore it cannot be!)

My dh has never done this (he doesn't sleep walk), neither have any previous partners. Doesn't mean though that because I haven't personally come across this that I am too dim witted to comprehend that it can be an issue for some people. Although I would concur - don't drink too much if you are susceptible to this. However, this could be the first occasion that this has happened to OPs date - we don't know do we (but don't let that stop the judgement)?

Very informative. Also states alcohol should be avoided as part of your sleep hygiene routine if you are susceptible to sleepwalking.

If the OP’s boyfriend knew he was susceptible I imagine he would have mentioned it when the OP confronted him this morning. I would also expect a responsible adult who knew they may sleepwalk to avoid having too much to drink when sleeping in a strange room just in case he, you know, pisses all over someone else’s floor and risks embarrassment.

ColorMagicBarbie · 11/09/2021 13:14

Sleepwalking. My mate's brother used to do it at unfamiliar places. Once pissed in his mate's sisters wardrobe over all her shoes, also once over another friend's CD rack.

ColorMagicBarbie · 11/09/2021 13:17

I put it on the same level as somebody throwing up everywhere while drunk, so I guess depends on whether you think it'd3be resosnsble for your partner toxdukp you for getting too drunk and accidentally barfing.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/09/2021 13:20

I'll calm down a bit and call him maybe.

Why you'd call him is beyond me. The prick didn't even apologise, which is absolutely shocking. He's shown his true character here, I certainly hope your standards are higher than to tolerate this.

adeleh · 11/09/2021 13:30

I feel a bit sorry for him. He didn’t know he was doing it. If it had been deliberate, that would be different.

adeleh · 11/09/2021 13:33

Should have rtft. Feel considerably less sorry for someone who doesn’t apologise or offer to clean up or indeed rush to clean up.

Summerbreeze4 · 11/09/2021 13:33

@ilovehalloumi if he hasn’t properly apologiesed, ask him what he would think if you had done this in his bedroom and then just brushed it off, said I thought I was in the bathroom and then got back in his bed.

Ask him genuinely what he would have thought and if he would have still wanted to see you again. I think he might be a bit more apologetic. Men just think they can get away with this type of thing.