WIBU to end it over this?

[ilovehalloumi]

Been seeing a lovely bloke for 3/4 months, all going well. Treats me great, loads in common, fantastic sex.

Took me out for dinner tonight, ended up in a few cocktail bars, both got fairly drunk.

Got back to mine, went to bed, I woke up a couple of hours later to him PISSING IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM!!

He's stayed over a few times, definitely knows where the bathroom is.

I'm properly grossed out, obviously when he wakes he will be cleaning it up. I've hardly slept because I feel properly furious.

WIBU to tell him to leave and not come back? I've texted my bestie but since it's 6.30am I imagine she won't reply for a while.....so I'm asking you Mumsnet

Let’s put this in perspective then.

The OP has been with this man for 16 weeks. so since june this year. and already he’s getting so drunk that he’s pissing on the floor, and then getting angry with the OP for making him clear it up. And no, an apology in the middle of the night is irrelevant here. If he’s too pissed to even realise he’s pissing on th the floor rather than in the bathroom, esp as he just went back to bed after, then he’s too pissed to apologise and mean it.

And how far do we tolerate this behaviour? Bear in mind there’s always a first time.

So, next time he pisses in the wardrobe. Should the OP forgive him for that? Maybe the time after that he’ll walk into the OP’s DD’s room and piss all over her toys. Should the OP forgive that because he’d been drinking?

What else should we forgive on the basis that it’s common and there’s alcohol involved?

It’s quite common for drunks to get into fights and brawl in the pub/street. Is that ok because it’s drink talking?

It’s quite common for drunks to go home and beat up their wives and children. Should we excuse that because they never do it when they’re sober?

And presumably he was annoyed because all the women he’s been with before have just laughed it off but the OP is the only one with enough standards to find it so repulsive that she wants no more to do with it.

OP don’t dare apologise to him.

@IceLace100

I have a sleepwalking thing and have pissed in my room on the carpet whilst sleep walking.

It's honestly not that big of a deal.

I just cleaned it up and moved on with my life.

Maybe that what happened here? Don't dump him because of that!!!

Not that big of a deal? If a man pissed in my wardrobe he'd be pissing all over my shoes, as well as the carpet. It would be a pretty big deal to me to have my belongings ruining by being covered in urine. Should I just accept having to throw away piss-sodden footwear, and buy replacements? Accept having to have carpet professionally cleaned? They may not be able to help it, but to me it would not be no big deal.

I'm amazed at your reaction ... why would you assume he was awake? I would immediately assume he was asleep and feel sorry for him knowing he will be mortified when he realises. Poor guy. The fact your so angry at someone for something they did while asleep

@Hellotoallmyfans

I do really like him, if he had cleaned it up of his own accord and properly apologised, I would have probably put it down to a one off and let it go.

Listen, if I did something stupid in my sleep and was woken up by someone screaming ."WTF" and shouting at me to clean it up I wouldn't probably feel much like apologising right at that point either. He was probably still half asleep/drunk (as you said you yourself were) and not taking it in properly.

I'm shocked at all the people on here just saying you should dump him outright. Are these people in relationships themselves? Do they never forgive anyone even one mistake, ever? It must be really hard to sustain a relationship that way.

I would like to think I would never get so drunk I'd piss in the corner however I have had food poisoning and been so ill I've slightly shat the bed - should my then bf have dumped me or screamed at me to clean it up and expect an instant apology?

Look op, if this is a deal breaker for you and you end it that is your prerogative and YANBU to feel the way you feel (I suspect it's mainly shock as this has never happened to you before) but I think it's a shame to end a relationship with someone who you describe as a lovely bloke who you have great sex with over this.

I think his lack of instant apology is down to the nature in which he was woken up, his embarrassment and probably still being drunk and tired.

It's just a bit of wee.

I'm so happy to see somebody on here has spoken some sense amongst the ridiculous jumped up "dump him" comments.

Wow @HeartsAndClubs. You've gone from 0 to 100 pretty fucking fast there.

I remember my dad doing once or twice q#$÷ when he was very drunk (very very rare occasion). DM went mad but as a child I thought it was hilarious...in his defence he was half asleep, pretty out of it and must have lost his bearings 😂 maybe it's a man thing?

Honestly, the amount of women on this thread who are conditioned into thinking that they are in the wrong for taking issue with this behaviour is shocking. No wonder so many women are in abusive relationships when this is the kind of behaviour they not only tolerate, but berate other women for not tolerating.

The people blaming the OP should be ashamed of themselves. If you have such low standards then crack on, but don’t blame others for setting the bar higher.

Exactly this. Pissing on the floor is grim. Acting as though OP is unreasonable for being upset about it is a RED FLAG. Telling OP she should feel sorry for him, telling her she's unreasonable, explaining all the grim behaviour you've laughed off in your own relationship... It's all so utterly depressing.

Q: What do you do if a bird poos on your windscreen?
A: Don't take her out again.

Old joke! Sorry, but some of the responses on here make me feel like I've purchased a one-way ticket to Stepford and I can't get a refund

I know a couple of people who do / did this and other stuff sleep walking when they were pissed.

The actual act was probably beyond his control, but his reaction in the morning was not. I would however cut him some slack for being drunk / sleepy.

I'd wait to see if he apologises later today once it's sunk in.

That is disgusting. End it and save yourself a fortune by not having him ruin all your soft furnishings

An old friend of mine did this once or twice when he was drunk but thankfully in his own bedroom.

This thread makes me wonder how many women have done the same while sleepwalking 🤔 I remember as a child, dreaming that I was on the loo and then wetting the bed but I must have been younger than 10!

It's all in the response and reaction when he wakes up. If he apologises, mortified, and cleans up then no I wouldn't dump him. I'd ask if it was a regular thing because if so he needs to drink less and/or see a doctor. Ive never experienced this but several of my friends have

He was drunk, fucking hell it's not like he did it for a laugh. He's probably more embarrassed than you are!

I don’t buy the fact it’s common for men as they sleepwalk after having a few and can’t help it. Why would this odd phenomenon just affect men? I’ve never heard of women getting out of bed after drinking and going to crouch in the corner or the cupboard, only seems to be men. Very telling.

Oh just saw your update about his underwhelming reaction. Yeah that's not good

He was sleepwalking.

My cousins husband did almost the same, but he pissed in her wardrobe! 😱😱😱

@HoppingPavlova

I don’t buy the fact it’s common for men as they sleepwalk after having a few and can’t help it. Why would this odd phenomenon just affect men? I’ve never heard of women getting out of bed after drinking and going to crouch in the corner or the cupboard, only seems to be men. Very telling.

... except the example of that exact thing earlier in the thread, you mean?

@CBroads

He was drunk, fucking hell it's not like he did it for a laugh. He's probably more embarrassed than you are!

Poor baby. No apology or offer to put it right then. Not if he’s embarrassed. His pride takes precedence after all.

Sorry…but come on. He’s an adult.

My brother used to do this when he had addiction issues. It would be ringing alarm bells for me on that basis alone…are you sure he hadn’t had warm up drinks before you got together?

An ex-boyfriend of mine did exactly the same in my room. That was when he became an ex...

I don't understand why you're angry with someone who did something when they were sleepwalking. My OH did this a couple of months ago. We'd both been out drinking the night before, quite heavily, although he seemed in a much better state than me once we got home.
I woke in the night to see him naked and fumbling around in the corner of my bedroom. Like he was looking for a door handle or something. Next thing I know there was a tinkling sound and he was pissing over the top of my dressing table. He made a right mess and ruined some of my things, but I didn't blame him. He was asleep for God's sake. He mumbled that he was sorry, cleaned it up and was clearly mortified. He later replaced some of the things he'd ruined too, but he didn't really give me a proper apology because there was nothing to apologise for! It was an accident.
I wonder how most of the people on mn sustain relationships when things so small and insignificant are apparent deal breakers.

This happens more than you realise, I've heard so many stories of guys peeing in wardrobes etc when they are drunk sleep walking! He'll probs be embarrassed but id be pissed off if he doesn't immediately offer to get it cleaned professionally.

I once did this when extremely drunk, walked to the end of the hall where the bathroom was, lifted the lid on the wicker washing basket and perched on it and peed into it. The basket was thrown out the next day. It's not ltb territory as it's an accident.

@cheeseisnice

I don't understand why you're angry with someone who did something when they were sleepwalking. My OH did this a couple of months ago. We'd both been out drinking the night before, quite heavily, although he seemed in a much better state than me once we got home. I woke in the night to see him naked and fumbling around in the corner of my bedroom. Like he was looking for a door handle or something. Next thing I know there was a tinkling sound and he was pissing over the top of my dressing table. He made a right mess and ruined some of my things, but I didn't blame him. He was asleep for God's sake. He mumbled that he was sorry, cleaned it up and was clearly mortified. He later replaced some of the things he'd ruined too, but he didn't really give me a proper apology because there was nothing to apologise for! It was an accident. I wonder how most of the people on mn sustain relationships when things so small and insignificant are apparent deal breakers.

Pissing all over someone's else's possessions isn't a s all and insignificant thing. It's disgusting.

We train our pets not to piss in the house so why anyone would put up with it from a human is beyond me.

I'm sorry your standards are so low.

@ilovehalloumi

Woke him up, he knew immediately why I was pissed off so he remembered doing it. His first comment was 'oh so your angry at me then'

This, for me, is a million times worse than the wee.

His automatic self-defence mechanism is to belittle you for feeling COMPLETELY JUSTIFIABLY pissed off.

IME some men give in more readily than others to drunken delusions (e.g. "I am already in the toilet"). It's the sign of a weak mind.