WIBU to end it over this?

[ilovehalloumi]

Been seeing a lovely bloke for 3/4 months, all going well. Treats me great, loads in common, fantastic sex.

Took me out for dinner tonight, ended up in a few cocktail bars, both got fairly drunk.

Got back to mine, went to bed, I woke up a couple of hours later to him PISSING IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM!!

He's stayed over a few times, definitely knows where the bathroom is.

I'm properly grossed out, obviously when he wakes he will be cleaning it up. I've hardly slept because I feel properly furious.

WIBU to tell him to leave and not come back? I've texted my bestie but since it's 6.30am I imagine she won't reply for a while.....so I'm asking you Mumsnet

My husband is a sleep walker and has once or twice been a Spewer. And often not in the toilet. In that moment he is not apologetic, just wants to get back in bed and I could quite frankly kill him.
But he isn't really awake and is very different in the morning.
He's not a big drinker and is now banned from drinking spirits which seems to have resolved the issue. Perhaps the cocktails were more in line with what you are used to drinking but not him?
Not good but decent men do sometimes do disgusting things

I've been married for 25 years, but IF my DH did that, he'd be really embarrassed and so apologetic - he'd want to clean it up as I know he'd actually be upset that his own urine was on the carpet and in time that fact it'd start to smell - he certainly would expect me to do it.

He's left now, so keep yourself busy today and think about how you feeling about continuing the relationship. It'll be interesting to see if he tries to contact you later, he might be embarrassed but if you really mean anything to him, he want to try and solve the issue.

@ilovehalloumi

He's never sleepwalked before. I did shout and he went to the bathroom. I followed him and said 'what the fuck' and he said he thought he was in the bathroom. He knows he did it, he apologised.

I haven't gained anything from seething, I just felt bad waking him up to clean it

You even say he apologised here.

He's embarrassed.
He cleaned it up
He apologised
You are mad over something he had no control over.

I'm not sure I would be in a big apologetic mood with how you reacted either.

Have a conversation about it, yeah sure he's not reacted in the best way, but I don't think you have either.

Bitterness is not good for you or your kids.

@pictish

When you pee on someone’s floor you kind of have to concede that they’re going to be annoyed.

Yes and no. Most people who know they've done wrong they'll apologise unless they feel under attack. When I asked my friend "what on earth happened" his apology was "fuck, I didn't know where I was or what I was doing". I was not putting him on the spot, I was giggling. And I had an honest answer as a result.

Some people react different to alcohol, I've only been seriously drunk 3 times in my life and people with me thought I was ok. I wasn't, I was a gonner but still maintained some kind of awareness.

Other people, as I mention before, lose complete control of where they are and what they are doing. This is not much of a problem as long as it happens once in a blue moon, it's a huge issue if it happens regularly.

This is where the OP needs to be watchful, their relationship is very young and if he is drinking too much, she better end it.

@pictish

Look, I’d be sympathetic to a situation such as this…but not if he was chippy with me over it. I’d expect an apology and a volunteered clean up as standard. My bad. Sorry. Moving on.

The moment he said, ‘oh, so you’re angry’ was pivotal. He deflected blame from himself and levelled an accusation at OP instead, one of unreasonableness. He is unable to accept that he did something wrong and humble himself with a simple apology. This does not bode well for the future. There’s a lot of self-interest and a lack of empathy in this exchange. For me, alarm bells.

^ this. Don't call him. Wait and see.

@MrsIsobelCrawley

Bitterness is not good for you or your kids.

Can you explain shat you mean by bitterness?

If you someone had a stomach problem and had an accident would you be at them for that too? I think that says more about the mindset of the person who is angry. so you’re comparing someone who has a medical problem with someone who knowingly goes out and gets pissed knowing that they can’t control themselves when they do?

Honestly, the amount of women on this thread who are conditioned into thinking that they are in the wrong for taking issue with this behaviour is shocking. No wonder so many women are in abusive relationships when this is the kind of behaviour they not only tolerate, but berate other women for not tolerating.

The people blaming the OP should be ashamed of themselves.

If you have such low standards then crack on, but don’t blame others for setting the bar higher.

Obviously i meant what. But i am so sick of the overuse of the word bitter by handmaidens this morning, so shat might have been appropriate after all

No wonder so many women are in abusive relationships when this is the kind of behaviour they not only tolerate, but berate other women for not tolerating
Mumsnet has been full of this, this morning.

I did a wee on a chair at my ex boyfriends house! We had been together about 6 months and I had stayed over loads. I had drunk maybe 2 glasses of wine the night before and had never sleep walked to that extent. I do a lot of seeming like I’m awake and talking and moving things around (I have to have a bottle of drink on a night because I kept putting glasses of juice into bed with me).

I think it was the slightly heavier sleep from wine and being disorientated that caused it. The next morning he was touching the chair and trying to work out what leaked when I suddenly remembered. I was mortified but obviously had to come clean, if he had been shouting about it or woke me up abruptly I would have still been mortified but I don’t think I would have felt I could have owned up to it and dealt with it because I would have felt humiliated for a genuine accident.

Thought provoking comment, thank you. I'll calm down a bit and call him maybe.

You're going to call him? Why? Are you going to tell him it's ok, and apologise for being upset with him? Seriously, don't do this. What a terrible precedent it would set for your relationship.

He needs to call you and actually apologise for what he did and for his attitude this morning. He was the one in the wrong, and he need to make the effort of putting things right between you. Once that happens, maybe you can move fwd with the relationship.

Of course that's gross but I doubt he did it deliberately. I wouldn't break up with someone I really liked who did this accidentally unless it became a regular occurrence.

@CassandraTrotter I wouldn't berate any woman for the choices, if anything it sounds like you are the one 'berating' or at least condescending women who would 'tolerate' this.

People have different boundaries. Would I be happy if this happened to me? Fuck no. Could I overlook a drunken, disorientated, one off mistake? Probably, with the right apology. That doesn't make anyone weak or passive. Not everyone would throw away an otherwise good relationship over a mistake.

Have you actually left a puddle of piss on the floor just to make a point? What is wrong with you?

What a waste to throw away an otherwise good relationship.

It's disgusting and I would be very annoyed and insist he clears it up, but it wouldn't automatically be a deal breaker. Does he regularly drink to excess? If so, that a red flag. Drinking too much as a one off then I'd let it go if otherwise the relationship is good.

It’s sad so many women have such low standards here that this isn’t a deal breaker.

Been with my dh twenty years. He has done this twice ever but in the last 2 years (he’s 45). He was absolutely mortified. He can’t even talk about it now! He’s so ashamed. In his head he was absolutely in the bathroom. I definitely would not end a really great relationship for that reason. If he did it on purpose or didn’t care then that’s a whole other thing. But drunk and half asleep I’d say he’ll be genuinely embarrassed…

I think you have massively overreacted. You say that you really like this guy and you have a good relationship and he treats you well. He sounds like a great guy. He made a mistake, he was asleep, he didn't purposely go and wee on the floor whilst he was awake. I'm not surprised if he is embarrassed. Your reaction to giving him the carpet shampoo and then kicking him out has probably really hurt and humiliated him.

It’s sad so many women have such low standards here that this isn’t a deal breaker

It's not about accepting low standards. It's about accepting that people are human and make mistakes when they are drunk and half-asleep. It really isn't a massive drama.
I couldn't live my life being so virulently unaccepting of anyone making any mistake, ever - I'd have no friends and no partner! And I'd also be constantly beating myself up bc I'm not perfect either!

@sidewayssunshine thank you for putting it better than I did!

HE HAS ALREADY APOLOGISED

@mlj123

I think you have massively overreacted. You say that you really like this guy and you have a good relationship and he treats you well. He sounds like a great guy. He made a mistake, he was asleep, he didn't purposely go and wee on the floor whilst he was awake. I'm not surprised if he is embarrassed. Your reaction to giving him the carpet shampoo and then kicking him out has probably really hurt and humiliated him.

So she should be a good girl and not act like she minds him pissing on the floor and not clearing it up without being asked?

It'd be fine if he had apologised freely and hurried to clear it up, as a one-off, but he didn't, he left it and had to be asked to clean after himself. And didn't do it with good grace. Disgusting 🤢. Attitude as well as behaviour.

@Greenmarmalade

What a waste to throw away an otherwise good relationship.

Right. Do you think that somewhere on Reddit or 4Chan, say, there's a thread full of guys asking "My GF pissed on my bedroom floor last night - do you think I should keep seeing her?"

Nah, I don't think there is.

This is actually such a (depressingly) common thread on here. A few months ago there was a thread along the lines of "Answer a question the way MN would". I swear to god, my contribution was:
"OP: Do all all men do this?
MN: No, pissing in the wardrobe is not normal behaviour".

My exh progressed to pissing in my wardrobe.. Fucking grim.