[quote Thatsjustwhatithink]@MrsBede
I'm a child of divorced parents and I thank my lucky stars my parents didn't pull this crap. As many posters have said all your posts are infused with bitterness and hatred for your ex. Which, truthfully, now means nothing. It's over. Where he lives, what work he does, how much money he has. Nothing to do with you. You are not together. The only thing that matters is how you bring up your children. You can do that by oozing bitterness or let them build a healthy relationship with their dad. You role model the behaviour you want them to learn.
My mum did not like my dad. I obviously got that. But she never ever stopped him from seeing us or tried to ruin anything he tried to plan. She did the bulk of the parenting, she paid for most things. My gran did so much childminding because my mum worked multiple jobs. I know all this. But I still love my dad. They parented differently. That's fine. It was good balance, I'm more rounded because of it. If your ex wants to take the kids on holiday, stop being so controlling and let them.
Your kids have obviously picked up on your fragility and bitterness about your ex, and like all kids who have parents who go through difficult divorces they're doing the dance: what should I tell mum about dad? Is she angry? Is she upset? I'll leave that bit out. I'll just agree. What's the easiest answer to this question? If their dad has super obvious emotions about you, they'll do the same. It's not fun. It's stressful. It's because adults are acting like children forcing children to try and diffuse situations like adults.
Pack your bitterness away or deal with it. But it's clearly seeping into your decision making. He's their dad. Your hatred for him won't change that. But it will change their relationship with you.[/quote]
I am sorry for your experiences and I am mindful of the impact our divorce has had on the dc, of course. However, all the people assuming I am just like their bitter mothers are a bit tiresome. Is it not the tinniest bit possible that how I am on here is not how I am in real life? Yes, I would be naïve to think they've never picked up on anything but I'm confident that I have done all I can to support the relationship and make it as easy for them as I can.
And he doesn't parent differently from me. He doesn't parent. He has then stay over but nothing happens or get done. Great example is ds1 wanting to talk though his cricket game with me when he struggled this year. I said I was sure his dad would be of more help and he said he'd rather discuss it with me as dad never really discusses anything. But I suppose I made that up or ds only said it because he picked up that I hate his dad. Or something.
As for blaming me for having kids with him in the first place..you can't beat women attacking other women can you?
Anyway, the situation is resolved. They have discussed it with him and agreed to go away at Easter. I'm fine with that (as I said a couple of pages ago) so no one needs to accuse me of stopping them going. I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't happen mind - it will depend how much money he has left by then. He messaged ds2 yesterday to say he (ex) is going to Italy for the entirety of half-term. So he won't see them at all then and he didn''t ask me if that was okay - just told ds2 it was happening for him to tell me. Bearing in mind he's also missed one of his weekends this month due to a gig. But no, he's a great guy who can't wait to treat them to a holiday and is only doing this because I owe him thousands from the house or something. I don't btw.