So I have an update.
We've had a day out and a conversation in the car. Started when ds2 said 'so what's happening about the holiday?' as he was only half listening last night and our convo about it then was very brief. Then ds1 immediately said, 'mum, you need to tell him I'm not going away for two weeks and definitely not abroad.' I'm sorry, but everyone assuming they are protecting me is way off the mark. Neither wants to be away for the entirety of a two week holiday, regardless of where and with whom. They want some down-time at home and would say the same if I was proposing it. Ds1 doesn't want any risk of missing school, which I think could happen if Italy went on the red list? Will check that. He is very driven and that's just how he is. Went straight back in after having a baby tooth removed (didn't come out - not decayed!) and was chuffed to be back for pm reg so it didn't generate an absence! That's just him - ds2 couldn't give a shit about that.
They have said they would like it if he took them away in the uk for a week in October (I think he's itching to get to Italy but I didn't say that) and would like to go away with him for longer and abroad next year. However, I have already booked (they did it with me) a two and a bit week summer holiday in Northern Spain. They have said they wouldn't want another long summer holiday with him as they want down-time at home rather than being away nearly the whole time so I suggested Easter. They both agreed and have said they will suggest this to him. I have offered to email him reiterating that they really don't want to be abroad for two weeks this October and ds1 wants to read it before I send it and then pick up the conversation with his dad himself, which sounds like a good plan to me.
I may well have to suck up not having them for any of the Easter hols but I recognise that that is fair if it's what they want. Up to now I have never had to consider him taking them away before booking holidays as he never has and he never replies to messages when I try and liaise, so I started just booking and then telling him a few years ago. Obviously, that will need to change if he is going to go away with them and I'll need to adapt to that and hopefully he will be more communicative too otherwise it's hard.
Just to say as well, my issue isn't just that it's not a touristy place as such. My dc, especially ds1, are not into stuff like theme parks etc. Ds1 is a history buff and ds2 - well, he'd sit in on the bloody wifi all day if I let him. Managing them both is tricky and ex struggles with it, though it is better now they're older and he can just leave ds2 to it. I know this as ds1 tells me sometimes. I lived in Italy for two years and it's where I met ex. It's a wonderful country and dc have been there (not Tuscany, which isn't where ex is going either - it was a pp who said that, not me. And there's no family there either, which pps keep saying. It's ex's childfree friends). I'm more concerned about ex just leaving ds2 on his phone all day but I realise I can't control that like I can't control him letting them have their phones in bed when they're at his - though it'll be me paying the bloody roaming charges if they've kicked in by then 
. He's no Disney dad and half the time they come back from his quite down as they haven't had a great time, or ds2 is messaging me asking when they can come home.
He was shap but had no career before then and is workshy, as I think I've said. That's not me being a bitch. It's a fact. He got £14k when we split and is due a further £10 in 9 years. That's 50% of the assets we had, aside from my pension, which he refused as he 'would be dead by then'. We had no more to divide, largely due to his crapness with money, as I've had to explain to him time and again.
I get the frustration that I've not admitted to being UR (think I have a bit in this post as I realise I'll have to give up the Easter hols), but it's also bloody annoying when posters don't read half the info/ignore it just to focus on the bits that fit their opinion. Or decide it's 'obvious' that I've told the dc I hate him or that they'd have a great time and he wants to do it for them, despite me giving several reasons why they might not and he's not. Like someone saying I'm obviously hard work when I've done nothing but pick up his slack for the last 7 years. But it's been useful for me anyway and some posts have given me food for thought and the supportive comments have been lovely and much appreciated. 
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