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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To resent enforced passive-aggressive hug from manager at work?

157 replies

Geppili · 10/09/2021 21:03

Things have been difficult at work recently. I work in a busy Social Work Team. I love my job and enjoy the challenges. However, office politics have developed as they do. A new manager of mine seems to be quite a complex character. She SEEMS plausible and nice, but I have begun to find her behaviour difficult.

I tend to be quite forthright and outspoken and I think she knows that I don’t fully trust/like her. Gossip is rife about her and various jobs and promotions. I have recently returned from sick leave after a diagnosis of CPTSD.

This afternoon she breezed into a group of colleagues and tried to engage me in light banter. I made it clear I wasn’t really in the mood by saying I haven’t really anything to say. She then started squealing:

“Gepilli needs a hug! I’m going to hug you!”

I said “I really do not want a hug!”

She then embraced me forcefully fully enclosing me with her arms. I was stiff as a board as I had already said that I did not want a hug from her. She proceeded to hold me closely and tightly for as long as she could! Everyone else around us was laughing. I thought I was going to die from her invasion of space in-spite of me saying I did not want a hug. I felt frozen, sickened and deeply humiliated. I had to struggle free from her. Tonight I am shaking and crying. I want to put in a formal complaint against her. I’d be so grateful for insights or advice. Thanks.

OP posts:
NigellaAwesome · 12/09/2021 20:32

The victim blaming on here is so depressing.

OP, I am sorry this happened to you. I have come across this type of manager before - next they will be trying to build a clique of favourites. It was totally done to dominate and humiliate you.

If you are emailing her about it, I would be tempted to cc her manager too. My experience of HR is that they are totally useless.

lovemelongtime · 12/09/2021 20:39

As someone who works in HR, for me that is definitely grievance material. Harassment or bullying can't be applied to a one off incident, but totally inappropriate behaviour in a workplace is grounds for grievance. Take care and don't let this continue our it will really get to you and your health

Geppili · 12/09/2021 21:07

@NigellaAwesome @lovemelongtime @Foolsrule Thank you so much. Yes I will copy it to HR.

OP posts:
LatteLady · 12/09/2021 21:44

Can I make a suggestion that you also include in your note a reference to the pandemic? We are still in the midst of one and frankly being man-handled by a colleague, no matter how well intentioned they may have thought it to be, is just not on.

I am so sorry you have been made to feel uncomfortable at work.

Geppili · 12/09/2021 22:31

@LatteLady Thank you! Will do. It is a good point.

OP posts:
NigellaAwesome · 13/09/2021 20:51

Op, how did you get on at work today?

Magenta82 · 16/09/2021 07:38

How did it go OP? I hope it was taken seriously

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