What do you think this father should do? Remain or relocate?

[Thenavyblue]

If a separated father can't afford a sufficient property in his children's home city which allows him to provide good enough shared care, which of these scenarios do you think is in the children's best interests?

1. The father stays in the city and rents a room in a flat share or at a push a small self contained studio flat, has the children over for tea during the week and the odd sleep over during which the children have to sleep on a blow up bed in the common area.

2. He relocates to a cheaper part of the UK where he can afford a house and give them their own bedroom(s) and space, is able to have them for extended periods over the holidays and provide a much better environment for them. The caveat being he sees them slightly less, so for example, staying over EOW as opposed to just going for tea at his place every week.

Additional information: father is a low earner, currently living in an expensive city where property prices are sky high.

Option 2
. Court told me bigger chunks of time in the same home is better for dc than quick visits and swap homes again..
How old are the dc? By secondary school my dc were happy to get a bus or train instead of relying on a parent ferrying them back and forward.

2 absolutely, in the long run 1 just won't work. But, more often than not you see on here that folk suggest the dad should just get a bedsit or house share when couples split.

The father stays in the city and rents a room in a flat share or at a push a small self contained studio flat, has the children over for tea during the week and the odd sleep over during which the children have to sleep on a blow up bed in the common area.

This except the children sleep in dads room and dad sleeps on a blow up bed In the common area. And dad makes sure he is working towards renting a more suitable place.

Oh hang on. If option two includes EOW care then go for that.

2 definitely. 1st option, however dedicated just sounds miserable.

Option 2.

How far away is option 2?

You are massively biased to option 2.

Definitely option 2 as long as the father makes provision to get the kids to his new home, long car journeys or expensive train tickets are not something to be dumped at mums door xx

Children are pre-teen and upper primary age.

No realistic prospect of dad being able to rent anything suitable for a family in the current area.

Option 2. EOW is normal and they’ll see their children far more than the odd evening round for supper which seems like it’ll end up being a huge faff for the children when it comes to homework etc

Option 2 but ideally as close as possible rather than the other end of the country

@SummerHouse

You are massively biased to option 2.

I certainly am because the children's needs are just not being met.

How far away is the place where he could afford a property, and how young are the children?

With everything in excess of 2 hours travel time the EOW scenario will quickly become quite tedious for young children, I think.

Would the other parent chip in some ££ towards the contact costs? The father could then maintain a cheaper property in a town far away for the longer holiday time contact, and additionally come and rent an airbnb say twice a month for EOW?

(1) sounds all kinds of unsuitable, but how far away would the father have to move, to make (2) happen?

Neither option is great tbh, we are in a similar situation and whilst option 2 is the best choice. Dc’s is just started high school and wants to hang around with his friends at the weekend and not go to dads because it stops him seeing his friends.

It’s causing a lot of conflict for us all.

What’s the property/living situation of the other parent?

How long does it take to travel there?

A few years back when BIL was in that position he had a room in a flat share and took his DD to his parents house, or our house, on his weekends. Both of us lived an hour away.

Option 2, but at the end of the day it's his decision.

What is the father's objection to option 2?

No idea as to where or how far is nessecary for option 2 as that's his job to research.

Other parents living situation is perfectly adequate for the children.

Father staying with other family members to have overnight contact isn't an option, they are disinterested and uninvolved with regards to anything to do with the DC.

@RandomMess

What is the father's objection to option 2?

Not wanting to be away from the DC, ironically.

Lip service and excuses to enable him to do as little as possible if you ask me but hey I'm biased.

No idea as to where or how far is nessecary for option 2 as that's his job to research.
It would be then difficult to answer the question. If you are in London and he can afford only a croft in a small fishing village in the north of Scotland it is a very different scenario compared to say South London vs Kent seaside towns.

If the parents are amicable "nesting" would be the best option - the house is the children's nest, there's a studio flat for the parent not in primary parenting role for the children at any given time. Ideally the parent who lives there most (or each parent if 50/50) has a lockable bedroom or space, even if its a wardrobe. Whichever parent is caring for the children lives in the house while parenting and whichever is not in charge of the children is in the studio flat (where each also has lockable storage.

However that won't work if there's any animosity, nor if there are new partners, let alone blended families...

Otherwise option 2 but as near as possible in terms of hours of travel time. If it's too far the children may well only want to visit in the holidays.