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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To abandon my cousin

377 replies

Boredhimtodeath · 10/09/2021 09:06

My cousin started working at my place of work 3 weeks ago. It’s an hours drive down a mixture of country lanes and then motorway. When she started she told me she was nervous of the drive and can’t afford petrol everyday so could we go together…. Something I would have personally considered before going for a job.

We can start and leave at various times as long as we do our hours during the day. I like to get to work at 8 and leave at 3, she prefers to do 10 until 5. I’ve said to her throughout that I like having my time on an evening so if we are going together I want us to be here for 8. The first week she was getting to mine for 7:50 so we were getting to work at 9, I was annoyed but let it go. It has gradually slipped to us getting to work for 10. Yesterday she wasn’t at mine by 8 so I messaged saying she needed to get herself to work because I was setting off. My uncle dropped her off and text me saying he couldn’t get there to pick her up so could I bring her home, meaning an hour after I finished I had to wait for her, I did an extra hour of work. The same has happened again today however my boss has said I can leave an hour early today because of staying last night but as a one off. So I will finish 2 hours before her tonight now. My uncle has again messaged.

Is it acceptable that I just leave? I’ve been here for years and I am happy with my routine, if she spoke to me before starting I would have told her from the offset my start and finish times. It’s hard because I have no reason to be home, other than just wanting to be. I will say from next week that she is going to have to make her own way there and back or find a more suitable job.

I come from a family that has the mindset that we should do anything for each other so there will be a backlash.

OP posts:
Daisy829 · 10/09/2021 13:14

She’s 32 she needs to sort her shit out! If she’s not there when you have told her to be just go. she’s a CF.

Still1nLove · 10/09/2021 13:14

She needs to grow up

Eddielzzard · 10/09/2021 13:15

Outrageous. What a spoilt, entitled plonker.

Whammyyammy · 10/09/2021 13:16

I'd drop her like a brick.... so long

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/09/2021 13:16

'Doing anything for each other's works both ways though. You're doing her a favour by taking her in and saving her petrol money. She can be respectful and get at yours for a decent time

Droite · 10/09/2021 13:19

She has been driving, we were taking it in turns to drive but with me acting like a driving instructor on her turns and her sitting in silence scrolling through her phone on her turns

If you do give her any more lifts, suggest that she might be better off watching how you handle tricky junctions etc than burying herself in her phone.

Clymene · 10/09/2021 13:20

32?! I had imagined this to be her first job Grin

Mantlemoose · 10/09/2021 13:20

Please stick to your guns on this one. Won't be long before it's winter and she'll be scared to drive in the dark / wet / ice / snow so you'll end up with this going on for 4 months.

Jconnais1chansonquivavsenerver · 10/09/2021 13:21

@tickledtiger

32! I was imagining a teenager from your original post.
Me too!
Motherofalittledragon · 10/09/2021 13:23

Sod that, she's an adult so she should make her own way to and from work.

RincewindsHat · 10/09/2021 13:26

She needs to be there when you're leaving or she doesn't get a lift, or you can charge her by the hour for every hour she inconveniences you. It's not your job to work around her, what a CF she is.

EishetChayil · 10/09/2021 13:27

You have yourself a cheekée fucquère.

Porcupineintherough · 10/09/2021 13:27

If you are offering a lift then it needs to be on your terms.

You tell her what time you are leaving and leave then.

Tell her what time you are coming home and leave then.

No exceptions, no excuses. If she prefers 10-6pm she drives herself or finds some other sucker to chauffeur her. And she should pay you petrol money.

Kales29 · 10/09/2021 13:27

YANBU. Tell her if she wants to use you for a life she either goes by your schedule/routine or stick it and she can find her own way there!

If your family like to do things for each other, she can get up earlier for you!

Who wants to work 10-5 when you can have the option to start at 8 and finish at 3!

ScribblingPixie · 10/09/2021 13:35

Wow, like others I thought she must be a teenager. No way are you being unreasonable, OP.

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 10/09/2021 13:40

Good for you Op, for standing up for yourself and not being walked all over.

Enjoy your early start to the weekend.

nettie434 · 10/09/2021 13:46

I come from a family that has the mindset that we should do anything for each other so there will be a backlash.

It looks as if your cousin missed out on that mindset! If someone is giving you a lift to work then you go with the times that suit them.

LadyLindaT · 10/09/2021 13:49

You have yourself a cheekée fucquère.

This made me smile. x

ChinstrapBobblehat · 10/09/2021 13:54

How do people like this survive? She sounds about 15 (and I know some 15 year olds who are more confident, resourceful and self-aware than this woman appears to be).

It sounds like her family are all more than happy to enable her childish helplessness (and put up with the sulking and whining when she doesn't get her own way), but it's certainly not your job to run around after her!

She's a grown-ass woman with her own car - tell her to drive it and leave you the fuck out of this ridiculousness.

FairFuming · 10/09/2021 13:55

She's 32, living at home getting waited on hand and foot by mum and getting chauffeured around by everyone else,
Wow!

What exactly does she do for you or anyone else in this 'we'd do anything for each other' family?

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 10/09/2021 13:56

I come from a family that has the mindset that we should do anything for each other so there will be a backlash.

So do I - and it is a two way street. You are willing to help - to take her in your car. She should be willing to leave when it suits you.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 10/09/2021 13:56

32? I thought she was going to be 18!!

So she's living with her parents, being waited on hand and foot by her mother, having her father arrange her transport to work and whining when she doesn't get her own way? It's hard to see why a relationship might have broken down...

annacondom · 10/09/2021 13:56

I've never seen an AIBU at 100% in favour of the OP! This is crazy. You've tried something and it didn't work. Your cousin is taking the mick. You might as well be working in different places, given your different preferences for timings. Please don't let your uncle, cousin or anyone else dictate to you. You have a job to do and so does your cousin, but they are different. She has to get herself to work, but without your help.

pictish · 10/09/2021 13:59

@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere

I come from a family that has the mindset that we should do anything for each other so there will be a backlash.

So do I - and it is a two way street. You are willing to help - to take her in your car. She should be willing to leave when it suits you.

This. It’s a compromise and a sensible one at that. If ‘doing anything for each other’ really means your cousin’s preferences are indulged to your detriment, they can all fuck off can’t they? I cba with this AT ALL.
mbosnz · 10/09/2021 14:01

I've found that in families where there is the mindset that members should do anything for each other, there are often two very distinct sub-groups:

  1. Them wot gives
and
  1. Them wot takes

It can often be as shocking as being mauled by an earthworm to a member of Group 2, if a member of Group 1 declines to fulfill their fore-ordained role.

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