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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I wrong or my friend ungrateful?

169 replies

DizzyLollipop82 · 10/09/2021 06:48

Hi mums I feel hurt by this so just let me explain...

I offered to baby sit for my friends 6 month old so her and her fiancé could have a date night. This baby is an amazing sleeper and it was just for me to sit in the house while he was fast asleep from 7.30 anyways I was a bit bored reading my book, watched some TV and thought I'd clean up their kitchen as there was some from the day, wasn't much, just a few plates, mugs cutlery. So I washed it all up and dried it and put away took no more than 10 minutes. They came back and I said he has been asleep fine and I was a bit bored so cleaned up for you too! She was a bit taken back and said I shouldn't have done it and she felt like I was assuming her house was dirty and I was taken over ? I was like huh? I'm sorry I was trying to do a nice thing as when you got back to a happy sleeping baby and a clean kitchen! Sorry! Wont be doing it again lol... I didn't want any money but a thank you would've been fine but I felt really embarrassed and just left...

OP posts:

LukeEvansWife · 10/09/2021 11:37

@ShaneTheThird

She's a knob and anyone saying you overstepped are clearly dirty slobs who know their own homes are dirty and are projecting that here. I used to be a babysitter for ten years and I always did any dishes and tidied never had any complaints.

But did you then make a point of showing how wonderful you were by making sure they were aware of your awesomeness

ShaneTheThird · 10/09/2021 11:37

@seaandsandcastles that's called being massively ungrateful and uptight. You have to ask yourself why you would be pissy if someone washed your precious dishes to save you a job.

ShaneTheThird · 10/09/2021 11:40

@LukeEvansWife it's not that deep honestly. Washing a few dishes then casually saying I washed the dishes saves you a job isn't an attack. It must be really tiresome feeling attacked over nothing.

diddl · 10/09/2021 11:58

[quote ShaneTheThird]@LukeEvansWife it's not that deep honestly. Washing a few dishes then casually saying I washed the dishes saves you a job isn't an attack. It must be really tiresome feeling attacked over nothing.[/quote]
But why the need to point it out as if it's some massive favour?

I don't suppose Op was "wrong" to wash up.

Equally her friend doesn't have to be grateful!

Well presumably Op won't offer to babysit again so that's that sorted!

ddl1 · 10/09/2021 12:09

But did you then make a point of showing how wonderful you were by making sure they were aware of your awesomeness

Just telling someone what you've done isn't 'making sure that they were aware of your awesomeness'. For goodness sake!!!!!!

Not everyone goes around feeling that they're in some sort of competition all the time! Not everything that people do (even things that are tactless or inappropriate) is done to show off!

I don't think that there's anything wrong with what the OP did, though possibly 'cleaned up' wasn't the best phrase to use. If the friend didn't like it, I think she would have a right to say something like 'That was very kind of you, but please don't do it another time; I feel uncomfortable when other people do housework in my home'. The way that she put it was a little bit rude. But even she didn't accuse the OP of showing off her awesomeness.

CatsArePeople · 10/09/2021 12:17

what you did was a bit invasive.

LukeEvansWife · 10/09/2021 12:23

It must be really tiresome feeling attacked over nothing

Given the OP's hurt feelings, it might be better to ask her

Evesgarden · 10/09/2021 12:52

I would have been really grateful!

PivotPivotPivottt · 10/09/2021 12:54

She washed a few dishes ffs she didn't rearrange her underwear drawer! I can't imagine a situation where I'd trust someone enough to look after my 6 month old baby but find it an invasion of my privacy if they washed my dishes.

Then again I despise washing dishes it's the one chore I hate most so I'd be happy for a stranger off the street to come in and do them for me 😂

PivotPivotPivottt · 10/09/2021 12:57

Oops quote fail that was in response to the reply to my previous post.

Notbeforemycoffeeplease · 10/09/2021 13:16

I’m surprised at how many people think there’s some huge violation here or that this could be construed as saying someone’s house is a mess. Washing a couple of plates is hardly a big deal - I expect the issue here was because something wasn’t worded properly, perhaps the boredom thing was taken to heart but if you’re welcome enough to look after their child, how is a little bit of washing up offensive? Maybe it would have been best not to have pointed it out or mentioning you felt a bit bored.

Notbeforemycoffeeplease · 10/09/2021 13:17

Completely agree and just posted more or less this!

magsbagsfags · 10/09/2021 13:29

@LegendaryReady

I think doing it was fine and a nice thing. Telling her you'd done it, i.e. pointing out she'd left dishes in the sink and asking her to be grateful was a bit weird.

Absolutely this! You did it - fine. You announcing it - very odd

TaraR2020 · 10/09/2021 13:43

@lap90

I wouldn't have mentioned the cleaning up.

Yep - I think its the fact you mentioned it tbh, possibly sounded like you were making a point. I'd have just done it after washing up my own cup and left it at that.

MajorCarolDanvers · 10/09/2021 14:15

Please come to my house.

You sound like an amazing friend. What a shame your kind gesture was rebuffed.

Dontbeme · 10/09/2021 14:47

Well at least you know never to offer to babysit again OP, she might feel that you are "attacking" her ability to parent.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 10/09/2021 14:53

Yeah it was the wording really. But then why mention it at all. You did a nice thing, no need to shout about it.

PieceOfString · 10/09/2021 14:58

@SylvanasWindrunner

Just .. unclench. Assume that people are doing things like that because they love and care for you and want to make your life better/easier. Realise that life is too short to get arsey about perceived slights from someone who otherwise has been a good and generous friend. Just chill. Life is much easier and less stressful and tiring when you don't let silly stuff bother you and you just assume the best of the people you choose to have as friends.

This!

If you'd rolled your sleeves up and cleaned her loo, maybe. But a few dishes waiting by the sink, hardly a statement of your judging her filth to knock those of so she can relax after her date night. How kind that was! I'd have hugged you!
My mum sometimes makes me feel like she thinks my house is dirty but she starts emptying cupboards etc! But she's a compulsive cleaner, and my mum so I take it as intended (a kindness). What you did is in a different league and so lovely!

chocolatemademefat · 11/09/2021 10:18

I don’t have any young children but would be happy for you to come and do whatever you think needs done!😇

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