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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I wrong or my friend ungrateful?

169 replies

DizzyLollipop82 · 10/09/2021 06:48

Hi mums I feel hurt by this so just let me explain...

I offered to baby sit for my friends 6 month old so her and her fiancé could have a date night. This baby is an amazing sleeper and it was just for me to sit in the house while he was fast asleep from 7.30 anyways I was a bit bored reading my book, watched some TV and thought I'd clean up their kitchen as there was some from the day, wasn't much, just a few plates, mugs cutlery. So I washed it all up and dried it and put away took no more than 10 minutes. They came back and I said he has been asleep fine and I was a bit bored so cleaned up for you too! She was a bit taken back and said I shouldn't have done it and she felt like I was assuming her house was dirty and I was taken over ? I was like huh? I'm sorry I was trying to do a nice thing as when you got back to a happy sleeping baby and a clean kitchen! Sorry! Wont be doing it again lol... I didn't want any money but a thank you would've been fine but I felt really embarrassed and just left...

OP posts:
diddl · 10/09/2021 08:34

@60sbird

I would’ve done the dishes but not mentioned it to her
Yup!

Can't understand why you made such a meal of it.

"I was a bit bored so cleaned up for you too!"

Were you wanting a pat on the back?

WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy · 10/09/2021 08:35

I’d have been a bit embarrassed if I was your friend, but would still have seen it as a nice gesture and thanked you.
She was incredibly rude to treat you the way she did after you’d offered to babysit so she could go out. I don’t think many people with small children have friends who offer to do this for them, you sound like a very considerate friend.

Mudcakemaniac · 10/09/2021 08:37

I just can't believe some of the responses! If a friend (or anyone!) cleaned my kitchen, I'd be over the moon. One less thing for me to do. Just how does it go from "ooh I'll surprise my dear friend" to "you bitch, you thought my house was dirty"?? Just how?!

I hate when people 'read between the lines' ja assume something. My ex was like. If I said or did something, he assumed something completely different. And no, if I do a little favour and do washing up that does not mean I think your house is dirty!!

PurpleDaisies · 10/09/2021 08:41

Just how does it go from "ooh I'll surprise my dear friend" to "you bitch, you thought my house was dirty"?? Just how?!

Nobody has said the friend thought “bitch”. I’d be really embarrassed that anyone thought my house needed cleaning. Nobody wants that brought to attention.

SylvanasWindrunner · 10/09/2021 08:41

I guess it depends on your friendship dynamic.

I just went to visit my best friend and her new baby. When she was at doctor's for baby for her jabs I did all the dishes, hoovered, wiped down all the sides, took all the baby clothes off the airer and folded them and put them upstairs to go away, put a wash on, and then made her some breakfast when she got back.

But that's just the kind of thing we do for each other. Neither of us would be offended by it. We just help each other out.

You're welcome here anytime, OP Grin

mustlovegin · 10/09/2021 08:44

Your friend can pay for a babysitter from now on.

She sounds petty and ungrateful, I wouldn't babysit for her again

BakeOffRewatch · 10/09/2021 08:45

Was waiting for someone to mention your friend is only 6 months’ post partum! Thank you @LukeEvansWife @Dragon50.

It’s not an AIBU situation really, just imperfect behaviour not meeting expectations on both sides.

mustlovegin · 10/09/2021 08:45

If a friend (or anyone!) cleaned my kitchen, I'd be over the moon. One less thing for me to do

Yes

Iworkedhardforwhatihave · 10/09/2021 08:47

Yeah the way you worded it was pretty bad

WhatsAppening · 10/09/2021 08:49

My friend house/dog sat for me for a week a couple of years ago, she properly cleaned my entire house, did several loads of washing from my overflowing basket and washed and changed the sheets before we got home. I was beyond grateful; we both work full time and have three messy kids and two hairy dogs so the house is never quite tidy and clean enough.

justmetoday · 10/09/2021 08:51

Maybe for people who find it overstepping, dont leave your house dirty when you have people over 🤷🏻‍♀️

diddl · 10/09/2021 08:52

I don't know why the friend is getting such a hard time.

Is it because Op isn't the MIL?

Plenty say on here how if MIL does something in the house it's taken as a criticism/overstepping.

DillyDilly · 10/09/2021 08:53

You shouldn’t have mentioned that you did any cleaning or washing dishes. It probably came across as smug.

diddl · 10/09/2021 08:54

@justmetoday

Maybe for people who find it overstepping, dont leave your house dirty when you have people over 🤷🏻‍♀️
Unless I've misread, Op washed some pots.

I don't think that the house was dirty!

Exhausted5487 · 10/09/2021 08:54

I did this once for a really good friend...they never mentioned it or asked me to babysit again. I did it out of the best intentions and never considered it could be construed any other way. I'd had others do it for me and it was such a lovely thing but I do think twice now about doing it!

takehomepay · 10/09/2021 08:54

Because OP only did the dishes! It would have been reasonable to assume OP used a glass or plate, washed up, and ended up doing the other dishes too.

vdbfamily · 10/09/2021 08:54

I would be delighted if anyone did any cleaning for me whilst babysitting. Don't understand the angst from people. However, I don't have massively high standards of housework and would not be at all insulted if someone noticed and decided to help out😂

SylvanasWindrunner · 10/09/2021 08:55

I do find it a bit weird that you'd be close enough to watch her baby daughter for an evening, but then she'd think you were being rude for what you did/said and automatically jump to that conclusion rather than assuming you were just doing a nice thing, which is generally the assumption I make of my friends because, you know, they are nice people and that's why we are friends.

Some people just assume the worst of others, you see it on here a lot, always looking for negatives and perceived slights.

user1493494961 · 10/09/2021 08:55

I agree with a pp, you were looking for brownie points, why even mention that you'd done it.

SophieHMS · 10/09/2021 08:55

You did an act of kindness. Fuck me, the world is a sad enough place as it is without people taking offence at having their kitchen tidied by a friend.

Bumblenums1234 · 10/09/2021 08:56

In my experience there are friends you can do this for and friends you can't. One of my friends would be incredibly embarrassed if i tidied her kitchen. Another friend who we regularly stay with, if i wake up before the kids (usual) I will try to get a good portion of the house tidied as a surprise for her when she gets up. I mean we do help to make the mess (Blush) but she does it all on her own normally so I like to help and clear one weight off her mind.

SylvanasWindrunner · 10/09/2021 08:57

Oh sorry, baby son*!

takehomepay · 10/09/2021 08:57

@user1493494961

I agree with a pp, you were looking for brownie points, why even mention that you'd done it.
Why would OP look for brownie points? She was doing them a favour.
billy1966 · 10/09/2021 08:58

I babysat as a teenager 40 years ago when television ended ridiculously early.

I always did a tidy round and even ironed at times.
My neighbour used to be absolutely thrilled.
She had 4 children under the age of 4😳but still went out with her husband at least twice a week for a couple of hours and paid me well.

She is still my hero, how she juggled them all calmly is amazing to this day.

TheDistortion · 10/09/2021 08:59

Why would OP look for brownie points? She was doing them a favour.

A favour they didn't ask for. I'm usually annoyed by being put in a position where I have to thank someone for something I didn't ask them to do and didn't particularly want them to do.

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