Was I wrong or my friend ungrateful?

[DizzyLollipop82]

Hi mums I feel hurt by this so just let me explain...

I offered to baby sit for my friends 6 month old so her and her fiancé could have a date night. This baby is an amazing sleeper and it was just for me to sit in the house while he was fast asleep from 7.30 anyways I was a bit bored reading my book, watched some TV and thought I'd clean up their kitchen as there was some from the day, wasn't much, just a few plates, mugs cutlery. So I washed it all up and dried it and put away took no more than 10 minutes. They came back and I said he has been asleep fine and I was a bit bored so cleaned up for you too! She was a bit taken back and said I shouldn't have done it and she felt like I was assuming her house was dirty and I was taken over ? I was like huh? I'm sorry I was trying to do a nice thing as when you got back to a happy sleeping baby and a clean kitchen! Sorry! Wont be doing it again lol... I didn't want any money but a thank you would've been fine but I felt really embarrassed and just left...

@BakeOffRewatch I only mention it as after I had my long awaited baby I became obsessed that if things weren’t perfect someone would call social services.

With hindsight I obviously realise this was unreasonable and to be fair I never managed housework + child anyway.

One of my friends did her first visit with her anti-allergen gloves for cleaning! I was extremely grateful for the consideration but like fuck was I letting her clean.

DH did it before all visits

I have a 2 year old and 1 year old and can assure you that if someone came to my house to let me have a date night with my husband AND cleaned up for me I would cry with happiness.

Come to my house anytime

Don't worry about your wording - why should you have to pussyfoot around with your wording when you have just put a few plates away etc and are giving her a helping hand.
You are kind and thoughtful your friend is ungrateful and rude. Why couldn't she have just said thanks?

Why would OP look for brownie points? She was doing them a favour.

A “favour” they didn’t ask for or want.

@justmetoday

Maybe for people who find it overstepping, dont leave your house dirty when you have people over 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree, if it offends you someone washing a few plates, do it yourself before you leave. I don't think you overstepped at all. It's silly of people to be offended by someone helping you out by washing up, no matter how it was said. OP I'd be thrilled if it was me, someone who did my washing up whilst looking after my child for free?! Sign me up!

PM'd you my address OP. See you later

It was kind of you but I guess your friend found it intrusive and was embarrassed. Like you were implying she’d left the kitchen in a mess or wasn’t capable of dealing with it.

My friend once asked if I’d cleaned her bathroom while she was out. I hadn’t but she was a bit offended (to be fair it did need cleaning, mould etc but I wouldn’t clean it without asking). Turned our her boyfriend had done it while we were out 😂

I don’t think she sounds like she was offended by the washing up, it was the OP pointing out that she had done it (and in such a way as to imply that she had ‘cleaned up’).

So it might have touched a nerve with the friend but OP is making it all about her feeling hurt.

I don’t have to have had a baby to be aware that friend might have been tired/hormonal/depressed or just unwilling to deal with someone being (in her perception) smug

If you were a good enough friend for me to leave what I presume is my most precious thing in the world with for the evening, then you should be a good enough friend that I'm not presuming you're making sly digs at how clean my house is.

Maybe for people who find it overstepping, dont leave your house dirty when you have people over

Maybe when visiting/helping a friend with or without a small baby, don’t make them feel judged for not having a pristine house

@theemmadilemma

If you were a good enough friend for me to leave what I presume is my most precious thing in the world with for the evening, then you should be a good enough friend that I'm not presuming you're making sly digs at how clean my house is.

Yes, this is what I tried to say, but yours is a much better way of putting it!

You washed a few dishes, you didn't industrially clean her whole house. Some people just love to be offended. Her loss, as she's just lost a trusted babysitter.

I would have absolutely appreciated your kindness! Surely, if she's a good friend she knows you were doing it to be helpful and not insinuating she's untidy just busy and you helped her. You sound like a lovely friend. I've done the same but it was very well received by my friend, meant they could go straight to bed not having to deal with washing up or come down it in the morning. I really don't understand people agreeing with your friend. Good friends help each other out in whatever ways they can, in my opinion abs I know my close friends would certainly agree and do the same.

You washed a few dishes, you didn't industrially clean her whole house

Exactly, and yet OP said she had ‘cleaned up’. So it was a minor job but she expected a pat on the back for it

If I were your friend and someone said they'd cleaned up, I'd be on the lookout around the house for things that had been moved or reorganised. I wouldn't be upset if somebody was washing a mug and decided to wash up whatever was dirty. For all your friend knew you'd been walking around her house the whole time finding fault, I think your choice of words gave the wrong impression.

I have been on the receiving end of a passive aggressive clean where the person "helpfully" rearranged my stuff in a manner that they thought was better than the way I used it. It took me ages to figure out where everything had gone and she'd used strange cleaning products because she said that's all I had when in fact she'd just not found where I kept them. I also know she used the cleaning excuse to have a good nose around.

Well I’d bloody love you! You’re welcome round here anytime (& I’ll even provide wine for whilst you satisfy your urge to clean & tidy). What a nice thing to do, leave your kindness for friends who appreciate it in future OP.

Still it’s not like friend is 6 months post partum and may be feeling a bit sensitive or anything… oh wait….

Your friend is hard work and ungrateful. Hopefully she apologises but if not I wouldn't be doing her any favours again. The amount of people on here reaching for something to be offended about is unreal.

You did a nice thing. She was being precious.
Her insecurities aren't your problem.

It was a really nice thing to do but not everyone will agree.
My close friend has washed up before whilst I've been upstairs breastfeeding baby to sleep. It was lovely going downstairs and just sitting and having a cuppa and a chat with him instead of stressed about the tons of washing up! Not necessary but so kind

I don’t think you should have done anything but I can see that it was well intentioned. But there was no need to point it out and certainly no need to say you have “cleaned up” for her. Quite offensive.

OP you can never win - I guarantee if you hadn't done the dishes whilst you had nothing else to do she'd have thought less of you for that too.

YABU and you overstepped.

How rude of her!

I used to get people in to sit with my OH when he was very ill so I could go out and recharge my batteries. Some used to potter about doing ironing, washing up and anything else they could see might be a help if he was content and settled. I was very grateful indeed. I saw it as thoughtful and kind.

You done a really nice thing and she's ungrateful . If someone posted on here with the reverse scenario they would be ripped to shreds for being ungrateful and told to pay for a babysitter.

My friend used to sometimes babysit for me while I worked in the evenings and when I came home she would always have tidied/washed the dishes. I was nothing but grateful. I would tell her not to do it but she always did just for something to do and because she's a lovely person.