AIBU - house renovation has broken us

[TwinkleToesForever]

I feel a bit ridiculous. Long story short, we were planning a kitchen extension. Problems with the house has led to us spending way over budget and doing a far more extensive project (about 30% over budget so far but more to come I expect) DP and I have been broken by the disruption it’s bought to our lives. Both have busy, demanding jobs, WFH . 3 kids 10-14. Demanding Puppy. Car has recently been stolen too. Completely overwhelmed with all the decisions and constant banging and the dust, oh the dust. They brought the steel through the house today and took the staircase with it. The builders say they will make good but it’s just shock of it all. Everyone we speak to minimises and “oh it will be lovely once it’s done” etc. I realise this is a total FWP but my god, I am a broken woman. AIBU Am I a total wimp and or is this renovation business actually stressful? DP and I full of regret that we started the bloody thing. And also the area since the car was nicked. Please tell me we’ve done the right thing and it will be ok.

It is incredibly stressful. We're 2 weeks into our renovation. Our house is being ripped apart. I used a chunk of budget to move out into an Airbnb. Wish I could have saved the money, but seeing how the house looks now, I couldn't have stayed.

How many weeks have you got left for your build? Any chance you can escape and stay somewhere else for a short time?

That sounds really stressful. I think renovations are always a bigger deal once they get started than you anticipate. The builders will make good the damage so try to put that to the back of your mind. Maybe carve out some time to go for walks, do yoga, relax however you can and just take it day by day. Every hour / day that passes you’re a step closer to your dream home! But it’s fine to admit that it’s really stressful in the meantime. Can you get a few nights in a hotel or with friends to get away from it temporarily?

I found decorating my bedroom stressful, there’s no way I could handle a reno like yours! YANBU

Nightmare. I bloody hate builders. We're currently renovating and I've rented an airbnb for 6 weeks. No way would I stay in the house. We'd kill each other.

Only to say you'll get through. We just finished a year long Reno. At its worst we were in our 4th short term accommodation, 2 DC under 3 another on the way and both working FT.

But we made it.

Try to hold onto the milestones on the project

I would love to move out, but we can’t afford it. I did look but it’s around £5k a month for a short term Airbnb rent in our area. To be honest I might have to do it the way I feel atm

My friends extension caused her to have a nervous breakdown (builder did a runner with a chunk of their money and left them a incomplete kitchen). Had to borrow money from family to get it finished.
She was off work for months.

I live by the mantra of ‘one day…’

One day it’ll be over/worth it/fabulous/etc.

I do wonder if I could time travel would I have bothered starting. And the worst is still to come and all current building is outside the back & side. At some point they have to come in to join it all together.

I have days when it’s all too much, but then good days like today when progress happened, deliveries arrived, the sun shone, etc.

This too will pass!

Sorry about the car though, that’s a bugger.
Hopefully not actually indicative of the area just one of those things.

We've held off on a puppy until this is over, so hats off you for that!

We’re 4 weeks in and have got around 8-10 weeks to go

It's also the added puppy dynamics because it also means if you did have to leave, it's much harder finding dog friendly places!

Ds and I spent 4 months over winter with no heating when we did our last kitchen extension. A few years later, we've sold and moved into a proper doer upper that will take us 18 months. Ds said he will stay at his university place now .

You have huge sympathies. You almost need a whole other person running the build for you when you both work and have kids/animals in the equation!

Hope the last bit goes quickly for you!

Yanbu I’m 5 years on from a two storey extension.

Was it worth it? Yes!

Would I do it again? No!

We are now mortgage free and never moving despite everyone assuming we will which pisses me off. Why would I go through all that for someone else’s benefit?

My advice is accept it going to be rough going and almost give into it. It was trying to control things I couldn’t which in part drove me mad 😡

By the way i really feel for everyone on this thread going through the same and thanks for the reassurance and kind words. Helping heaps xx

No I kicked the builder...who was family...out asap the project was done...basically a huge 2 story extension. It's dreadful. I have issues as just after my mum died, we had the sudden chance of a grant to improve...it took 3 years

If u can move out, at all, do.
We never have, and have done 4 very very full renovations now. Worst was all chimney breasts, removing half the first floor to make a double height space, kitchen extension, full re plaster and roof works while I had 3 under 3 in small London terrace. I cannot. Even.
HOWEVER. It will be worth it. Bless you. Xx

Have you got room in the garden for a static or touring caravan @TwinkleToesForever? Bit of an outlay buying it but shouldn't loose too much over such a short period.
Even if you don't sleep in it, it's a clean dust free space to escape to x

Do you have a project manager?
It will be worth in the end! Hang in there!
We spent 4 months living cooking etc etc in the lounge. Working from our bedrooms while most of the downstairs was being demolished.
Budget wise, unfortunately these projects always do! But having a good project manager helps.

Thanks @StrongArm you’re right it is so difficult finding an Airbnb that takes dogs!

Mid-way through mine, one fired builder, 2 rental contracts, and a 3-year old. I recently bit the bullet and took on a 6 month rental contract (not short term so normal prices) and started doing bits of work myself. The rent is a mere drop in the ocean compared to what trades are charging these days. It's a constant stress but at least I'm not living amongst it.

@LivingInABuildingSite very wise holding off on the pup. We love him but oh my god it worse than having a toddler!

100% move out. We are planning a significant extension inc a new kitchen for next spring. My DH will be doing most of the work (his trade) we have a 4 year old, one on the way in November so I’ll be on mat leave and a dog. I have insisted we all move out regardless of cost - even if it goes on a credit card and we worry about it another day, we are not staying in the house amongst it all.

It will be worth it but it’s too much stress.

YANBU, at all.
DH is a builder, although doesn't work on the tools anymore (except at home). I used to project and client manage for him. I tried so hard to get people to understand how stressful and hard having the work done could be, but very few would take my advice. I blame the likes of DIY SOS, where everything appears to happen so easily, quickly and smoothly. It seldom does and it comes as a shock!
Sending , and , OP.

Thanks @SleepQuest33 - your set up sounds similar to ours. we do have a PM but she is essentially a glorified admin. That’s another mistake we’ve made. Not shopping round for the right PM!

Yes it's a nightmare. Something major always go wrong and budget goes over. The neighbours hate you, the dust, the other parts of the house that get ruined. Not to mention that once its finished sometimes you realise it should been designed another way.

But honestly it is so worthy it. I said never again and we moved out and the house was practically emptied too.

But I would fo it again. With the gift of hindsight I would have all the cash plus 20% secured before I started and and a end date.

Our builders smashed the front window on day one with the digger arm. We can finally laugh now

I feel your pain. We are 13 weeks into a 14 week project and can definitely see the light at the end now. I am still desperate to have the house back to ourselves. It has been hugely stressful in the last few weeks, but I can now see that it will be worth it in the end. Won’t be planning any other big projects for a long time though!

Oh god I feel your pain! We took on a huge renovation project with DH working frontline during the pandemic and me caring for our first newborn. We did move out but it was unbelievably stressful. We’ve been together years and until we did that I thought our relationship was pretty strong! But I still don’t think our relationship has fully recovered Never again!!