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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - house renovation has broken us

166 replies

TwinkleToesForever · 09/09/2021 20:31

I feel a bit ridiculous. Long story short, we were planning a kitchen extension. Problems with the house has led to us spending way over budget and doing a far more extensive project (about 30% over budget so far but more to come I expect) DP and I have been broken by the disruption it’s bought to our lives. Both have busy, demanding jobs, WFH . 3 kids 10-14. Demanding Puppy. Car has recently been stolen too. Completely overwhelmed with all the decisions and constant banging and the dust, oh the dust. They brought the steel through the house today and took the staircase with it. The builders say they will make good but it’s just shock of it all. Everyone we speak to minimises and “oh it will be lovely once it’s done” etc. I realise this is a total FWP but my god, I am a broken woman. AIBU Am I a total wimp and or is this renovation business actually stressful? DP and I full of regret that we started the bloody thing. And also the area since the car was nicked. Please tell me we’ve done the right thing and it will be ok.

OP posts:
Goldenbear · 09/09/2021 23:03

I'm not keen and I feel your pain. We converted our garage as it was the only way to make more room in the area we wanted to live in. My DH is an Architect and is handy in some ways as can't have the wool pulled over his eyes but he is meticulous so things take longer than I would normally tolerate. He has seen a huge doer upper but in all honesty the cost and work is pretty much the cost of a small house in this area and I don't think the stress will be worth it.

CerealMonogamist · 09/09/2021 23:11

OP, at the risk of making you want to slap me: would it be possible for you to try to change your mindset, so that you embrace the chaos and dust?

I have only ever lived in major renovation projects (currently doing another). My DC tried to get me to promise not to buy another renovation project when I bought this house, but I just love doing it. I love the builders, and their bloody Radio 2 or whatever it is, and the mess, and the whole thing.

So I suppose I'm wondering whether there would be any way you could turn your thinking round, relax and enjoy it? My only stress is to do with costs (though always add half again to whatever they estimate) - never to do with the process itself.

Lalliella · 09/09/2021 23:12

Your builders sound crap, sorry. We had our kitchen extended when DD was 3-6 months old. We were away for the first 2 weeks and the 10 days the kitchen was fitted, but apart from that there was very little disruption. What on earth are your builders doing? Can you not move out for a while?

Van34 · 09/09/2021 23:13

The best thing we did was set up a static in the garden. We live relatively comfortably (after all this is what some people class as a holiday). We are coming up to 3 years renovating but we have done it all ourselves with very little assistance from trades. I can finally see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel and cannot wait to live in a proper house again but have to admit, I will miss the caravan. Its certainly brought us closer together being stuck in 35x12 feet

SunflowersInTheShade · 09/09/2021 23:13

We almost got divorced with our reno. Loft conversion - not too bad - but followed by kitchen extension - OMG!!

I took off for 3 months and DH took off for a month. No way we would have got through it otherwise. (3 kids, no pets)

For the next house move we both said - No work!!

Rosesandblossoms · 09/09/2021 23:18

We did a big job 10 years ago and it’s taken me a decade to summon up the courage to do the loft. I’m at the ‘nagging all the trades about snagging’ stage while holding down a full time job, raising two children and sorting out a change of tenant at a rental properly. The firstest of first world problems but I am now a woman firmly on the edge,

YANBU op

RussianSpy101 · 09/09/2021 23:24

This is why I wish people would go into house Reno’s with their eyes open.
So many people want to get into it now because everyone thinks they can do it, thanks to Instagram and tiktok but it really isn’t as easy as a square on social media makes it look.

Notcontent · 09/09/2021 23:26

It’s an incredibly stressful process. I have just been through it and feel quite traumatised by it!!! It’s not just the disruption by having to deal with things going wrong, things going over budget, grumpy neighbours, etc. Not sure I would do it again! Also, there are some things that are not 100% right… oh, and I have no money left…

DrFoxtrot · 09/09/2021 23:29

YANBU - doing two bathrooms at once nearly finished me off OP.

@CerealMonogamist what is it that you love about renovating? I'm considering an over the garage extension and the previous bathroom experience is putting me off. Emptying rooms and having things moved everywhere, chaos and dust. I can't see the positives, apart from the end result and then I'm too frazzled to feel the full 'wow' Grin.

DrFoxtrot · 09/09/2021 23:31

I've just realised you said what you love 🙈 but those are the things I'd hate! I'm not sure how I could embrace it all.

godmum56 · 09/09/2021 23:39

@CerealMonogamist

OP, at the risk of making you want to slap me: would it be possible for you to try to change your mindset, so that you embrace the chaos and dust?

I have only ever lived in major renovation projects (currently doing another). My DC tried to get me to promise not to buy another renovation project when I bought this house, but I just love doing it. I love the builders, and their bloody Radio 2 or whatever it is, and the mess, and the whole thing.

So I suppose I'm wondering whether there would be any way you could turn your thinking round, relax and enjoy it? My only stress is to do with costs (though always add half again to whatever they estimate) - never to do with the process itself.

"whether there would be any way you could turn your thinking round, relax and enjoy it?"

its a hard no from me Grin

Motherdare · 10/09/2021 00:06

I know SO many people who have done this. Most of them moved out while the work was being done (shame the neighbours couldn’t do the same - ahem!) and still said it was the most stressful thing they’d ever done. I found in chatting to them that it was all they could think or talk about for the duration of the job so I get that it’s all consuming. Yes, it is always worth it in the end. Personally I just couldn’t do it.

I am one of those suckers who lets someone else to do up a house then buys it for an inflated price.

Nsky · 10/09/2021 00:09

Had full house renovation, 1 bed terrace, 15 weeks friends of work chums , washing machine, 2 large bits of furniture left, front door, car and cat left !
Nightmare, so worth it now, oh and garden make over 7 weeks following year

KhoshkaKatya · 10/09/2021 00:10

I’d never do it again to be honest.

mobear · 10/09/2021 00:17

You have my sympathy. We haven’t even started work yet and I already feel like giving up. Flowers

Chickpea22 · 10/09/2021 00:18

In the middle of it. I loathe it. Invasion of personal space, painter and decorator literally whistles for 8hrs non stop to radio 2 and today the plumber forgot to fit a valve so we had a fountain over our newly tiled bathroom into the newly painted ceiling below. Over it!

earthyfire · 10/09/2021 00:23

11 years on from a two storey side extension. I was pregnant and had a toddler. I'd never do a restoration again. One of the rooms we built has never even been used. I desperately need to redecorate but I just can't face it all.

GetOffThatPhone · 10/09/2021 00:27

We did ours 10 years ago and I still shudder at the memory of it. YANBU but hopefully it will be worth it in the end.

DdraigGoch · 10/09/2021 00:28

I went 12 months with no downstairs heating while getting my living room replastered with lime.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 10/09/2021 00:31

I am so glad that when we were viewing houses I realised very quickly that I was not a renovating kind of person. We very nearly bought a beautiful money pit, thankfully I caught myself on and bought a lovely modern house that was already pretty high spec. The only thing that really needs doing in our house is one of the bathrooms. And I can't even bring myself to get that done!

Nosferatussidebit · 10/09/2021 00:41

It's horrible. I'd really underestimated the stress. I'm unwell and just am not recovering. It will be worth it but when cooking on a camping stove and washing up in the bath it doesn't feel it.

Charlize43 · 10/09/2021 00:49

Full sympathy. A friend of ours was hospitalised for six months after having a full nervous breakdown during a basement extension, where everything went wrong and costs escalated. In the end, she had no option but to sell the whole thing, works uncompleted. Yes, it is stressful, but stay strong. If you can rent elsewhere during the time, do so. I'd also recommend hiring an architect to handle the whole thing for you.

Burnamer · 10/09/2021 00:52

@Nsky

Had full house renovation, 1 bed terrace, 15 weeks friends of work chums , washing machine, 2 large bits of furniture left, front door, car and cat left ! Nightmare, so worth it now, oh and garden make over 7 weeks following year
I’m sorry but I don’t understand your post. It sounds really intriguing though so I wondered if you’d explain.
Astella22 · 10/09/2021 01:01

I shudder when I remember ours which we also decided to live in while it was done, huge mistake. U have my sympathies OP

tcjotm · 10/09/2021 01:17

I grew up in a gentrifying inner city neighbourhood. Basically everyone was renovating (while living in) these decrepit old houses. Some faster than others but it was years of dust and chaos.

Thirty years on, no more divorces than average, all of us children lived and the renovations were beautiful.

You’ll get there!