AIBU - house renovation has broken us

[TwinkleToesForever]

I feel a bit ridiculous. Long story short, we were planning a kitchen extension. Problems with the house has led to us spending way over budget and doing a far more extensive project (about 30% over budget so far but more to come I expect) DP and I have been broken by the disruption it’s bought to our lives. Both have busy, demanding jobs, WFH . 3 kids 10-14. Demanding Puppy. Car has recently been stolen too. Completely overwhelmed with all the decisions and constant banging and the dust, oh the dust. They brought the steel through the house today and took the staircase with it. The builders say they will make good but it’s just shock of it all. Everyone we speak to minimises and “oh it will be lovely once it’s done” etc. I realise this is a total FWP but my god, I am a broken woman. AIBU Am I a total wimp and or is this renovation business actually stressful? DP and I full of regret that we started the bloody thing. And also the area since the car was nicked. Please tell me we’ve done the right thing and it will be ok.

My parents did a 2 storey extension on my childhood home at the back and side whilst I was at uni. We had no cooker and just had a microwave in the front room and fridge freezer for a large part of the build. My mum would go to her friends house to cook and we ate a lot of veg curries as she couldn't afford much meat. We all had to sleep in the one bedroom, 3 of us girls and my mum in the bed, my dad and brother slept on a mattress on the floor. We wore extra layers and used an electric heater and had lots of duvets. It went on for 6 months and the worst part was the dust. It was everywhere. I had to camp out at the library to study. They couldn't afford for us to live elsewhere whilst rhe build was occurring. It was hellish at the time but I look back on it fondly mostly, my parents don't.

I have young kids and would not take on such a renovation whilst they are little. If they were older I would only consider it if we could live elsewhere and had a project manager running the site.

Hopefully yours is coming to an end soon.

We had 6 months of a large downstairs extension/garage conversion/additional downstairs loo/shower room and new kitchen/dining area. Whole kitchen floor dug up for underfloor heating. No front door for 3 wks. An 8 and 10 year old. Working full time. Studying part time. Japanese students staying (sometimes up to 3 at a time). Cooking out of the living room. No kitchen for 10 wks. Builders lying to us or just doing their own thing without asking us.
But can honestly say, it was completely worth it. We love our "new" home and we will never need to move again. Hang on in there OP!

Yours sounds awful! It was bad enough when we had the entire house rewired, we had to move out for two weeks. And I can most definitely sympathise about the dust, our hoover conked out after being used literally three times a day, everyday for weeks. The air was brown and I could see the dust floating everywhere, it was awful. It all worked out in the end though and it will for you too.

Hi OP. Just came across this thread - so sorry you're having such a nightmare. We had building work done when I was on maternity leave with non sleeping refluxy DS1. Cooking in the side return/utility room and no naps in the house due to noise. I have honestly blocked most of it out!! Awful.
How are things progressing? Hope you'll be in for Easter 🐣

I moved last year. Old couple had the house before and it needs a lot of updating. it is proving way more complex than it seemed it would be and I feel utterly demoralized and demotivated. People keep telling me I dont need to rush it, but I dont want to live in a shit hole forever. I am hoping to get the main things done by Christmas, but even that feels ovewhelming. At least you are in it with someone else.

In many ways it's like childbirth, horrific to go through but so worth it. We rejigged our downstairs and added an extension and our builder was fab and kept me sane, but it was so tough.

So sorry to hear it got so bad, OP. I had a new bathroom fitted just before Christmas and the disruption and chaos near drove me to drink. (And if anyone can explain to me by what law of physics the contents of a small bathroom somehow expand to fill a double bedroom and half a landing, I'd love to know.)

My builder BIL will no longer do any but minor jobs when the customers are in residence. He says they practically give him a nervous, so I guess there's two sides to every story.

House renovations are like child birth. Fucking hideous at the time but soon forgotten about and worthwhile (usually) after.

Just dig deep. This time in 6 months/next year it’ll be a dim and distant memory and you’ll have a lovely new extension.

I can fully understand why older people don’t bother to update their houses though. It’s expensive, hard work (even making decisions is tiresome) and bloody messy. But it won’t be for ever. Gin helps😄

7 weeks ago builder phoned my son the night before he was due to say he now can’t do the job,son and wife went into meltdown.
Today brickwork is all done,roof on,steels in,underfloor heating installed,they have gone way over budget so me and hubby are giving them £20k from our pension lump sum for a new kitchen,other son will get the same,rather see them enjoying it now than when we are dead and buried.

It is horrible and strressful but why on earth did you make it worse by getting a puppy?

I just came across this thread after renovating my flat as even the work has been completed for a couple of months now, the trauma hasn't left me.
Any noise I hear freaks me out that something they've built is about to go wrong and I might need to tear the tiles apart or remove my roof again and fix them, etc.
I think it's made me scared of buildings in general and how anything in them can go wrong. Not knowing is a blessing but now that I have seen it all and know how they're are put together, I cannot stop thinking how things might go wrong in future.
I've gone through quite a few stressful events in my life including a divorce etc but this has been the worst thing that's happened to me.

My advice to anyone who reads this is do NOT do it unless you really trust your builder and have a good network of support both morally and financially.

I’m not as bad as that but we had some work done last year during an extremely stressful time and I am absolutely allergic to anyone coming near our house now. I don’t want to get anything done ever again.

The memory of my parents in law one is still there over 12 years later ...they hate the house due the horrible experience they had. Saying that if you not gone through it ..we were living with them so understand completely...the house is stunning and what you see in any posh house magazine.... Sorry not the answer you want. ..just know how hard it is and understand how you feeling ..x

Zombie!!!

I have this as well and that increases my anxiety because anything goes wrong means someone needs to visit

Yes I know, I need to get the chimney cleaned so I have asked that it be done when I’m at work and don’t know anything about it. I definitely do not want to be here when it’s done.
I hope I get over this phobia soon.