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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - house renovation has broken us

166 replies

TwinkleToesForever · 09/09/2021 20:31

I feel a bit ridiculous. Long story short, we were planning a kitchen extension. Problems with the house has led to us spending way over budget and doing a far more extensive project (about 30% over budget so far but more to come I expect) DP and I have been broken by the disruption it’s bought to our lives. Both have busy, demanding jobs, WFH . 3 kids 10-14. Demanding Puppy. Car has recently been stolen too. Completely overwhelmed with all the decisions and constant banging and the dust, oh the dust. They brought the steel through the house today and took the staircase with it. The builders say they will make good but it’s just shock of it all. Everyone we speak to minimises and “oh it will be lovely once it’s done” etc. I realise this is a total FWP but my god, I am a broken woman. AIBU Am I a total wimp and or is this renovation business actually stressful? DP and I full of regret that we started the bloody thing. And also the area since the car was nicked. Please tell me we’ve done the right thing and it will be ok.

OP posts:
1jan2020 · 09/09/2021 22:00

It sucks but is also thrilling when you sell and read the rewards

The last thing I'd do after a huge reno like the OP's would be to sell. No way would I go through all that pain and suffering only to move out! Grin

Redbrook · 09/09/2021 22:01

We are 7 weeks into a downstairs renovation and it’s been just dreadful. I reckon there’s at least 4 weeks to go and that’s assuming someone turns up everyday and actually works for a full day. If I worked the same hours as the builder/joiner/electrician/kitchen fitter then I would have been sacked long ago. Floor fitter has been excellent though.
I had hoped for it all to be finished by Christmas but I’m not holding my breath. I’ve downgraded my expectations to having enough space for the tree.

SarahJenkins50 · 09/09/2021 22:01

It is incredibly stressful so try not to worry that you are finding it stressful, that's normal. I did my renovation when pregnant, better than with a newborn but not ideal with appointments, work, vomiting etc. It was horrible, took my close to a nervous breakdown, but like everyone says it WAS worth it so hang on in there. The worst bit is always the beginning. It is just destruction and dirt and dusk and things being broken. BUT the progress is quick. Then as you reach the end progress seems to slow down but you see everything being mended, and cleaned, and painted and it is much much calmer. Good luck x

SuperCaliFragalistic · 09/09/2021 22:02

My parents spent years renovating my childhood home. I'm confident it was a factor in their divorce and had a massive impact on all of us. It's so disruptive. My experience of growing up in that environment has led to me never choosing to do any significant work to a property.

Cocomarine · 09/09/2021 22:02

All these people saying you have to move out.
Not everyone can afford that 🤣
My last renovation plenty of the tradespeople said, “really - you’re LIVING here?” and “but it’s December and there’s no heating?”
Me: 🤷🏻‍♀️ I have a great duvet.

It’ll be fine OP. It’s not forever. It was never going to go 100% to plan.

Fifipop185 · 09/09/2021 22:04

I feel you. We had building works 2 years ago and the dust - oh my the dust. We had takeaways every night and slept wherever was least dusty / cluttered that day. Our builders were ace though and accommodated our random requests to help keep our ASD son as calm and as settled as we could. I almost moved him and I to my parents house but we got through ok. Was totally worth it. Sorry about your car though, that sucks.

godmum56 · 09/09/2021 22:04

done stuff like this twice and more minor stuff three times. Every time its horrible, every time its worth it...and yeah one time we had two six month old pups and DH had cancer. It will be ok but first it will be shite

Sparechange · 09/09/2021 22:06

Solidarity, OP

We started our work in April, and have got a few more weeks to go
And I’m 28 weeks pregnant, we have a toddler and 2 dogs. No fish anymore though, because their tank got accidentally unplugged by the builders and they died

We’ve been planning this for years and the new kitchen has been my total dream
But I’ve hated the process so much, I’m worried I’m not actually going to like it when it’s finished

Oh! And the toddler has overheard me calling the house a crack den so told his nursery teacher his house is a crack den

And the dust. Oh the dust.
Our cleaner has basically sacked us now

Lotusmonster · 09/09/2021 22:09

I’ve built a whole house and renovated 2 more in the last 5 years. I do enjoy it and am sad when the project ends tbh. Helps if your builders not a proverbial I guess. I try and simplify my expectations…as long as I can get into a cleanish bed each night and shower, I can manage most other stuff.
With doggo watch out for cement dust going hard in the paw pads. A shed in the garden is another must have….home office or escape room!

ejhhhhh · 09/09/2021 22:15

Yes it’s horrible, it nearly broke is. But we got out the other side and it’s lovely having a house that works well for us as a family. It’s like childbirth, awful at the time, but it ends and you forget (mostly).

elliejjtiny · 09/09/2021 22:18

I feel your pain. We are having builders in next year to re build a wall and reinforce the upstairs floor and I'm already dreading it. It's a rented house so we've got no choice. I have to go and live with my inlaws (wails).

BarkingUpTheWrongRoseBush · 09/09/2021 22:29

We should have moved out. Month 7 of a 5 months long renovation and 2 more months to go. Delays. Lockdowns, material shortages, labour shortages.

We got the puppy too. On the plus side she’s well socialised and totally unfazed by the sound of drilling, demolition and pile driving.

It helped enormously that we kept the original kitchen, the back garden has been like the Somme for the whole summer but we could use the front and mostly the trades have been courteous polite and not pissed the neighbours off too much.

But we moved in 2 years ago now and could only decorate one room, the living room, everywhere else is shades of 80s peach and bright green woodwork.

I just keep thinking that this time next year we’ll be living in a nice house, with a replanted back garden, and this will all have faded. We’ll be stoney broke though.

Fizzbangwallop · 09/09/2021 22:31

I would never buy a doer upper home. Any house that needs a more than a lick of paint isn’t for me. My neighbours have just finished having an extension built. It took a year to complete but they both look about 10 years older than when they started!

Original poster
TwinkleToesForever · 09/09/2021 22:31

Wow! Thanks for all the responses people. Too many to reply to but some amazing stories here. Interesting that EVERYONE has said how stressful it is. Feeling like less of a wuss. Focusing on the outcome from now on x

OP posts:
Wiredforsound · 09/09/2021 22:33

I know someone who bought a second hand mobile home and put it in their garden while renovations were going on - then they sold it to friends of theirs going through the same thing a few months later. They just couldn’t cope with living in the same space as all the work.

Retrievemysanity · 09/09/2021 22:36

Hi OP, we are week 21 of what was supposed to be a 12 week extension and other renovation project. We weren’t even in the house until we moved in on Sunday and it was still incredibly stressful so hats off to you for staying there and surviving this far! It’ll be fine. I read a quote on a building website (when I was trying to work out if all this stress was normal, could write a book with some of the things that have gone on!) which was ‘A house is just a shed to protect your family from the weather, the important thing is the family’ and it’s true. Good luck with the rest of the renovations Wine and a builder’s Brew

user1471538283 · 09/09/2021 22:36

I renovated my favourite house and the dust was overwhelming. I was ok with it all except the bathroom. That very nearly broke me.

Is there anywhere you can go even overnight? Just to be somewhere quiet and clean. I may help.

ghostyslovesheets · 09/09/2021 22:40

I remember standing in the shell of my kitchen unable to move much due to all the boxes of my new kitchen - trying to cook haddock and spuds for the 3 kids tea on a camping stove - everything covered in dust and smelling like damp plaster - silent tears running down my face - I wanted to run - it WAS worth it but by god the process is awful at times!

User65412 · 09/09/2021 22:40

It is incredibly hard. It's the only way my husband and I got on the ladder though. Bought a run down place and it took us 6 years to finish YES 6 YEARS! Never had an end date and no budget - just saving each month until we could afford the next thing. 2 years no kitchen. Ripped the bathroom out and I had to use a bucket in the garden for weeks. Honestly it nearly broke me. Just keep focused on the end result! I would do it again but over a MUCH shorter term!
Hope it goes quick for you!

HasaDigaEebowai · 09/09/2021 22:43

We should have moved out. We’re six months in and its horrendous. I’ve literally just fallen through the floor because the stupid electricians thought it a good idea to lift floorboards and then put the underlay back over it and we have no lights in the house.

SallyOMalley · 09/09/2021 22:47

Yep, it's horrible at the time - I do feel for you. All the dust and grit which gets in places you never thought possible. Our timings all went a bit wrong because if unavoidable delays: the loft wasn't finished and the kitchen extension had started, which meant our family of 4 was literally in two bedrooms for 7 weeks, eating fish and chips while sitting on the end of the bed.

But, the amazing feeling when it's all finished is fantastic. Two years on, I still walk into my kitchen and think 'wow'.

When things felt really low and like it would never end, I sought solace in Pinterest! Having a clear image of what we were trying to achieve really helped. I even printed out my favourite pics and stuck them on the (dusty) fridge.

Like a PP said, it's a bit like being in labour: keep your eye on the prize and this too shall pass.

Good luck!

Soontobe60 · 09/09/2021 22:52

I feel your pain!
As for the dust!!!

It will pass, you will forget the trauma, the puppy will grow into a lovely adult dog, the kids will leave home. (and the stairs will be fixed)

bouncydog · 09/09/2021 22:54

We’ve done extensions/remodelling several times. You have to try and focus on the bits you wouldn’t believe you would do e.g going to the loo in the middle of the night with the wall replaced by a plastic sheet and a bicycle torch with a bucket of water to flush! Just think of how much you save in rental. The dust will eventually go. Benefits of living in it are you can ensure there are no short cuts.

SkiingIsHeaven · 09/09/2021 23:01

I had to cook in the garage for 5 months. Also the sink had no drainage so had to catch the water in buckets and then tip the buckets in the drains.

Also had the washing machine in the garden under a large wooden board with a tarpaulin over it.

It was hard but what we have now is well worth it.

Hang in there.

Imnothereforthedrama · 09/09/2021 23:03

It honestly is the most stressful experience of my life . I think I aged years , but we had numerous problems, People have renovations and it’s been a breeze or a slight delay whereas my was a nightmare. I love it now eventually finished would I do it again probably not but the thought of moving doesn’t enlighten me either . My advice is well it’s started now so the worse is over and it will be worth it . Just try not to stress (easily said) and just keep saying to yourself it will be worth it .

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