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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - house renovation has broken us

166 replies

TwinkleToesForever · 09/09/2021 20:31

I feel a bit ridiculous. Long story short, we were planning a kitchen extension. Problems with the house has led to us spending way over budget and doing a far more extensive project (about 30% over budget so far but more to come I expect) DP and I have been broken by the disruption it’s bought to our lives. Both have busy, demanding jobs, WFH . 3 kids 10-14. Demanding Puppy. Car has recently been stolen too. Completely overwhelmed with all the decisions and constant banging and the dust, oh the dust. They brought the steel through the house today and took the staircase with it. The builders say they will make good but it’s just shock of it all. Everyone we speak to minimises and “oh it will be lovely once it’s done” etc. I realise this is a total FWP but my god, I am a broken woman. AIBU Am I a total wimp and or is this renovation business actually stressful? DP and I full of regret that we started the bloody thing. And also the area since the car was nicked. Please tell me we’ve done the right thing and it will be ok.

OP posts:
ChaosMoon · 09/09/2021 21:06

Our 4.5 mouth almost full house renovation finished in March. It was brutal on oh so many levels.

You need to make plenty of time for self-care. The decision making in particular is brutal. You will get through this though. It's taken a while to get over the stress of it, but my god I love our house now. You will too.

LadyDancealot · 09/09/2021 21:08

I work in residential construction. I have seen it cause divorces. Including mine. I am not joking.

Babyroobs · 09/09/2021 21:12

I ended up on antidepressants during our extension. there were other factors at play but trying to work in a new job home working for the first time etc was horrendous.

minimilkmaestro · 09/09/2021 21:14

How long will it take?

If you can't move out, can you book breaks in hotels over weekends or for a few nights at a time? Put the dog in kennels?

Islamorada · 09/09/2021 21:15

It is a nightmare but WFH and with a puppy must be much worse. I would definitely move out. However, keep an eye on the builders progress.

Islamorada · 09/09/2021 21:16

If you are in London there are some dog friendly hotels and apartments.

Echobelly · 09/09/2021 21:17

No, it's stressful as hell. After 18 months the house we rebuilt almost all of downstairs and for us it wasn't too bad, mainly as our house fortunately had an upstairs kitchen we could use while we lived upstairs for 3 months, but it definitely had some really stressful moments.

It was totally worth it and you do forget the cost and stress once it's done. At the time I worried about the cost but I really don't care about it now.

TorySteller · 09/09/2021 21:19

We renovated our house and it even brought my DH to tears once. I’ve only seen him cry twice in 8 years!

It’s stressful, messy, expensive and completely overwhelming. I don’t think I’d ever do a large scale reno again.

You have my sympathy. Oh, and I promise it will all be worth it.

DahliaMacNamara · 09/09/2021 21:19

No, YANBU. I seriously need a new kitchen, and have done for years, but no way can I face the upheaval or the budget-busting. I'd rather move house.

balkangrill · 09/09/2021 21:21

Definitely YANBU, we renovated our flat during this summer. It was supposed to be completed by mid August, and was partilly completed early September, with school and work. It was supposed to be an x amount of money, and it was x times 2 amount. It's worth it, and yours will be, but ABSOLUTELY NEVER AGAIN.
There is a saying in my country if somebody is acting strange and muttering under their breath: either they are crazy or they are building a house.
Good luck!

3luckystars · 09/09/2021 21:23

My good friend recently did a huge renovation and found it incredibly stressful.
I couldn’t do what she did and love there. We did a few minor jobs and a new kitchen but they were very short and planned to the minute. I don’t think I have the patience or sense of humour to do any renovations ever again, I find it stressful when dh takes the blinds down to paint a room now Smile

You are a third of the way there. The puppy would have been stressful anyway, so at least now you are getting the house done and getting all the stress out of the way in one go!

Good luck to you all x

AngelPrint · 09/09/2021 21:23

IT WILL BE OK @TwinkleToesForever

I’ve just gone through a 6 month building job on a small house that’s gone over budget. I’ve never seen dust like it. It even went upstairs! I cried on more than one occasion.

But omg it’s ace now!

Don’t get me wrong. We’ve got lots more jobs now to get the rest of the house in line with the new extension. But it definitely was worth it. And now the insanity of the build is done, we’ll slow down and do the rest at a more sane pace.

If the steels are coming in you’re at the peak of it. The other crap bits for us were electrics and plastering as they are messy but when it comes together I promise “it’ll be worth it”.

Hang in there and try to find the humour in the adventure. All things will pass… and in the meantime pass the wine Wine

LakieLady · 09/09/2021 21:24

YANBU. Just decorating my bathroom practically drove me crazy.

I'm putting off getting my bedroom done until a friend is away for 3 weeks and then I'm going to "housesit" for her.

Mind you, that's not foolproof. I went away for a week when I had the house rewired. Unfortunately, the rewiring took 2 weeks. They were bloody positive they could do it one!

PegasusReturns · 09/09/2021 21:24

DD runs a specialist residential architecture and development firm. He’s seen pretty much everything, including police intervention due to violence, fraud and neighbour disputes along with large number of relationship breakdowns.

I have to say I love a renovation. We’ve rebuilt/remodelled every house we’ve owned, but even with the best PM (him) and pretty much unlimited access to trusted resources it is beyond stressful.

Stuff always goes wrong. There are always unexpected costs and something always gets broken.

There’s also a long period of time where things get progressively worse before they even start to look better.

Bear with it. It will be worth it.

Okaygreatthanks · 09/09/2021 21:31

We are just starting our reno now! Third time’s the charm they say. This is it though, NEVER MOVING after this.

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 09/09/2021 21:33

OP, it will get better. We had months of disruption and during that time it seemed like eternity. As soon as it was finished, and everything put back in place, the past months just faded away. We also went over budget, and we’ve never regretted getting it all as we wanted.
Stay strong! Flowers

H1Drangea · 09/09/2021 21:38

Oh Lord I’d move out
I got a stress cold sore and we only had new windows put in

And …. And
They took the staircase out ?
What ?

ilovesushi · 09/09/2021 21:40

Once it's done, all this will be a distant hazy memory - the dust, the cold, the noise, all the people in your house, the stressed pets, no cooker. Keep an eye on the cost each step of the way. We unintentionally spent crazy money on lighting which meant we had to compromise on flooring and we still went over budget.

Whydidimarryhim · 09/09/2021 21:43

Hi op yes to moving out for a week/weekend if you can afford it to give yourself some bloody respite. 😀
I’m still cleaning dust from a bathroom renovation 6 weeks ago but I am a slob. 😇

YellowSunshineSky · 09/09/2021 21:45

YANBU.

We're in the middle of a building project (kitchen) and it's doing my head in.

Brick dust everywhere, all downstairs rooms full of STUFF like new oven and dishwasher and all the contents of a kitchen and handles and long things in cardboard. FINALLY got a working sink today after a month with an outdoor one.

No working oven, can't cook, no space, can't clean, too many decisions to make. Argh!

Thankfully mine is nearly finished, think there's about a week to go.

Cormoran · 09/09/2021 21:54

There is a French proverb that says "Qui bâtit, pâtit". who builds will suffer.
It is horrible, but one day it will be over. Flowers

Wineiscooling · 09/09/2021 21:57

This time last year we were you! 14 week kitchen extension , downstairs toilet, utility room etc etc. Working full time, 2 kids, dog. When I look back I wonder how we did it. We had an electric oven in our hallway, launderette visits weekly on a Saturday, dishes washed upstairs in the bath. For 2 weeks we had no hot water!! Every day, dust and muck everywhere. We coped quite well but the electrician nearly made me lose my sh** but that's a whole other story. It is worth it though. It's all forgotten now and the renovation did change our lives . Just grit teeth , count to 10, take time out, keep thinking of that glass of champagne in the finished sleek new kitchen.

RosesAndHellebores · 09/09/2021 21:58
  1. You have to anticipate they will take twice as long and cost twice as much as promised.
  1. You have to move out. Builders work faster if not working round you and it is less stressful and cost neutral.

I have done three. It sucks but is also thrilling when you sell and read the rewards

1jan2020 · 09/09/2021 21:58

It's utter hell. I'd like a new kitchen and can't even bring myself to do that!

Sendmetobarbados · 09/09/2021 21:59

I feel your pain, I really do. I'm almost at breaking point with our reno. Ten weeks in, house full of rubble, autistic 12 yo who's just started a new school and discombobulated about all the house changes...plus a dog who tries to escape out of the open front door every day. My husband's in the office f/t, leaving me to manage the build and I'm totally out of my depth. Argh! Sending lots of positive build vibes (and wine) x