Page 14 | Stranger touched baby’s face - AIBU?

Miyiam · 09/09/2021 22:24

You were unkind. He meant no harm and caused no harm. You should reflect on the importance of kindness

DalPalak · 09/09/2021 22:24

YANBU. I vividly remember being three and a stranger in the shops, an old lady, touching my cheeks and giving my hair a stroke. I hated it (so much so that I remember it thirty years later). I think many children are put on edge by strangers randomly touching them.

I know a lot of people here think you're being precious but I do understand why the interaction bothered you.

GlomOfNit · 09/09/2021 22:25

It really depresses me that some parents (actually it seems mostly to be mums - perhaps because they're more likely to be out and about with their babies?) are this precious about strangers showing innocent and friendly interest in their children. I do think it's a generational thing, OP - god knows how things got to this state of affairs but apparently it's now viewed as creepy or inappropriate for other people to show an interest or affection towards their broader community.

That old man could have been my own dad. He absolutely loves babies and small children and used to engage strangers in conversation about their children, before it was borne in on him that this was now verboten. God forbid anyone outside the immediate family ever stroke a child's cheek or say hello. It's so fucking sad.

maddiemookins16mum · 09/09/2021 22:26

YABU, I remember once in the queue in ASDA happily letting a stranger take a screaming DD out of her buggy and jiggle her about as I paid for my shopping. Oh and all the older people who came to our Church OAP weekly free lunch too, DD was passed around all of them.
We need more interaction of this type, it doesn’t last long, once they’re snivelling toddlers, the oldies will move onto the next batch of cute smaller ones. I would never ‘deprive’ or think badly of anyone (especially someone older) wanting to interact with my wain, a hair ruffle, a gentle stroke of a cheek, a quick little hold of a chubby hand….where is the real harm??

Doveyouknow · 09/09/2021 22:53

This has really upset me. Someone does something kind and you repay them by making them feel horrible about themselves.

Ibizafun · 09/09/2021 22:59

I have to admit I wouldn’t like it either.. wouldn’t want my face touched by a stranger so not my baby’s either! But I probably wouldn’t have said anything to him as he meant well.

Roseinbloom20 · 09/09/2021 23:11

When DS (now 4) was about 2 months old we went to one of DHs uncles birthday parties - DH has 6 aunts plus many cousins and as soon as we arrived MIL took DS and showed him off to the family - he was held, kissed, passes around every aunt, cousin, etc and I didn't see him all night but I did enjoy a wine or two and an actual conversation with other grown ups! I obviously kept my eye on him and MIL was "on watch" but I thought it was lovely he was being so fussed over. I was never bothered by people having a cuddle or "touching" my baby as I knew it was out of kindness. I did actually let a lady hold him when he was about 6 months in a pub garden as she said how lovely he was and I could tell she wanted a cuddle so I said "would you like to hold him?" It made her day, it was a few minutes and DS was happy. I had DS2 in April 2020 and I'm so sad that we missed out on socialising and going out, I did manage to take him out in the pram and an older gentleman peeked in and said "what a beautiful baby" and it made MY day and I said "thank you very much" it was such a different experience from DS1 and I'm still sad about it.
My DS2 is now 17months and if I was in your position I'd have smiled and said "thank you" and encouraged DS to wave "bye bye" so I'm sorry but I think YWBU the man meant no harm, if anything I'd be worried about my child passing germs into the older person! I'm 32 years old but I think I'm of an "older generation" mentality 🤷🏻‍♀️ its a shame, especially for the babies born today.

Rachie1973 · 09/09/2021 23:20

Poor old guy. Probably feels awful now.

I take my grandchildren into the sheltered housing scheme I work out to be handed around lol

BlackTee40 · 09/09/2021 23:30

@summerisler

In a cafe with my two small DC earlier today. DD just turned 1. As I was cutting up some food for her, an elderly man suddenly appeared at the side of her pram. He picked up a toy that I wasn’t aware she had dropped and then reached out and stroked and pinched her cheek. He reached out so fast that I had no time to react to stop him. I have a real dislike of people touching strangers babies. When DS was a baby I was stopped on a zebra crossing by a woman demanding to see him in his sling, and a woman in a cafe asked me if she could hold him. I said no and she very loudly badmouthed me to her friends at the next table - which I just thought was bonkers. Who lets a total stranger in a cafe just hold their child?

Back to today - I approached the man and told him that I was upset that he felt it appropriate to touch my baby’s face. For context, today was the first day we’ve been to an indoor cafe since I was in the early stages of pregnancy with DD. I was polite but made my upset known and he apologised.

Is this a generational thing? I would never touch a baby without asking the parent/cater for permission. Curious to know thoughts on this. I don’t think I was unreasonable telling this man he was in the wrong.

Are you ok, op?

montysma1 · 09/09/2021 23:38

Poor old guy

saraclara · 09/09/2021 23:38

@Doveyouknow

This has really upset me. Someone does something kind and you repay them by making them feel horrible about themselves.

Yep. Me too. I can't get that man out of my mind. I feel so bad for him.

I genuinely can't get my head into the mind of someone who would do what the OP did. I'm at the far reaches of my empathetic skills, and I just can't get there.

BlackTee40 · 09/09/2021 23:46

@SezziBaybee

I am speechless.

That you felt it necessary to approach him and reprimand him- however politely.

What a vile person you are.

This.

MissTrip82 · 09/09/2021 23:50

My dad used to love babies. Even when his Alzheimer’s was so severe he could no longer speak. This is the kind of thing he’d have done, even though he was never out alone for the eleven years of his illness.

I really wish you hadn’t approached him about it. it makes me feel a bit sick to think about it.

Inastatus · 10/09/2021 00:00

So there is no longer any room for spontaneity? Permission must be sought in advance for any kind of human contact, however innocent, otherwise our boundaries might be breached and we will be mortally offended. I think Covid has fucked with people’s brains. It’s a sad state of affairs.

Lorw · 10/09/2021 00:05

I think it’s sad that the world is now full of anxieties, there was a post the other day about why the UK is so child unfriendly, and I don’t think it is in the sense of facilities, things for children to do etc, but in terms of people being scared to even smile at a child in case they upset the parent or accused of something has created a fear culture around kids.

I remember a few years ago being in primark and a lady was shopping with her little girl, the little girl kept coming over and trying to hold my hand, I was so worried that the parent was going to think I was a weirdo or say something so I decided to leave and take myself away from that situation- still nervous around kids in public in case they try to come up to me or talk to me, which is ridiculous really but I think it’s the way society has become.

Rachie1973 · 10/09/2021 00:36

@Lorw

I think it’s sad that the world is now full of anxieties, there was a post the other day about why the UK is so child unfriendly, and I don’t think it is in the sense of facilities, things for children to do etc, but in terms of people being scared to even smile at a child in case they upset the parent or accused of something has created a fear culture around kids.

I remember a few years ago being in primark and a lady was shopping with her little girl, the little girl kept coming over and trying to hold my hand, I was so worried that the parent was going to think I was a weirdo or say something so I decided to leave and take myself away from that situation- still nervous around kids in public in case they try to come up to me or talk to me, which is ridiculous really but I think it’s the way society has become.

It’s so sad. My 2 yr old granddaughter shouts hello and waves at everyone. I love that people respond.

LaikO · 10/09/2021 04:46

Yanbu, worse to so it during a pandemic, but I wouldn't have liked it before, either. Nothing wrong with interacting with a baby, but there's no need to touch them.

lollipoprainbow · 10/09/2021 04:57

Yabu, can't believe you approached him about it as well. Poor man.

EarringsandLipstick · 10/09/2021 07:14

it makes me feel a bit sick to think about it

Me too. I don't understand OP's issue at all. However, regardless, i cannot get over the unkindness and sheer rudeness of calling out an elderly man who was trying to be kind.

To deliberately go over and tell him she was unhappy is incredible.

I cannot imagine that man was anything but mortified & upset after, and honestly OP, you should be ashamed.

Your glib reply 'curiosity sated!' is also so grating. It doesn't sound like you remotely took on board the hurtfulness of your actions & how you might have made the man feel.

Peachee · 10/09/2021 07:23

What a ridiculous reaction to someone being nice. Batshit crazy..

londonrach · 10/09/2021 07:33

Yabu. Poor guy. I've been grateful for help from random strangers in cafe etc holding DD. Only one mum I know would kick up a sting like you did but she not left the house since beginning of covid and when I popped past to check she ok refused to open the door or window and we had to speak through a classed window on the telephone. Every other mum I know is grateful for random strangers help with picking up toys etc.

Keladrythesaviour · 10/09/2021 07:38

This is a very British thing (and I think a generational thing!). In the town in Italy where my family live (South) you pretty much palm your child off on anyone when you go into a cafe or restaurant. Mom and dad ge to eat and the cafe owner or whoever spends an enjoyable 15 minutes cooing over a baby. But it is very child centric over there.

If you didnt like it then well done for speaking up, but I don't personally find what he did at all weird. He wasn't creepy about it, just saying hello and being nice to your child. But, everyone has their own boundaries. Perhaps in England he should have asked, but I think pinching a child's cheek or giving them a pat on the head was perfectly normal even 10 years ago. Just my 2 cents.

lollipoprainbow · 10/09/2021 07:40

@rainbowunicorn spot on

lollipoprainbow · 10/09/2021 07:40

@Samanabanana oh do give it a rest

Cheeseandlobster · 10/09/2021 07:51

@Claricestarling1

Poor man..hope you feel good about yourself!

This. I can't believe you approached and reprimanded him for trying to be kind. Well done you