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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feed DH the same meal twice?

541 replies

KidsAreMean · 09/09/2021 06:33

DH won't eat the same meal twice in one week. I, personally think it's absolutely bonkers, but apparently MIL never did (I must verify this with her!) and he doesn't like it. Fine. I've got used to it. However, usually during the week, I cook for the DC and will e.g. make a double portion of lunch which we eat 2 days later.
This week I made a massive lasagne. Plan: Monday lunch, Wednesday lunch when DH is home office and then we'd finish the rest Thursday lunch. Except DH has now decided he's working from home today (as well as yesterday). I don't have any other food in apart from eggs which he doesn't like. Else I can make an emergency pasta & tomato sauce - which is basically same as the lasagne!
So AIBU to serve him the lasagne? I'd planned to do the weekly shop tomorrow, going today will inconvenience me next week (even though I'm a sahm).

OP posts:
Amberfromcamber · 09/09/2021 16:15

Nope, my DH is a SAHP to teens and I have been working at home during Covid. I run down to make myself a banana sandwich or similar every single day. I would never expect him to serve me anything.

He does also make dinner every night and I eat what I am given. If he makes nothing I have some toast or something. I certainly don't have rules about meal frequency, how cheeky is that!

lazylinguist · 09/09/2021 16:17

I love a single lasagne and a single panini.

This gives me a kind of existential crisis. I'm a language teacher. I really, really, really want to say "Can I have a tomato and mozzarella panino please". But I can't, because I'd sound like a twat. I suppose I could order two, but then a) I'd get fat(ter) and b) it wouldn't help, because I'd give myself away by not adding an 's' to 'panini'. It's a minefield, I tell you.

Lasagne I find less of a problem, because it's easy to avoid saying 'a' before it. "I'll have the lasagne please", "I'm making lasagne today". Works with singular or plural. I may be over-thinking this...

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/09/2021 16:31

"Except DH has now decided he's working from home today (as well as yesterday)."

You sensibly plan the week's meal to minimise food waste. He changed his plan, doesn't mean you have to change yours. He should take responsibility for his change of plan, and either eat what's been made for that day, or make himself a sandwich.

He sounds rather rigid.

HaveringWavering · 09/09/2021 17:01

@lazylinguist

I love a single lasagne and a single panini.

This gives me a kind of existential crisis. I'm a language teacher. I really, really, really want to say "Can I have a tomato and mozzarella panino please". But I can't, because I'd sound like a twat. I suppose I could order two, but then a) I'd get fat(ter) and b) it wouldn't help, because I'd give myself away by not adding an 's' to 'panini'. It's a minefield, I tell you.

Lasagne I find less of a problem, because it's easy to avoid saying 'a' before it. "I'll have the lasagne please", "I'm making lasagne today". Works with singular or plural. I may be over-thinking this...

I love you @lazylinguist.

In the mid nineties I was a language student at Cambridge. (Not Italian, but I knew the basic principles of Italian singulars and plurals). That was the time when panini were becoming very popular as a cafe snack and they appeared on the menu ido the café in the languages faculty. Every time someone ordered one the lady behind the counter would say “I’ll call you when it’s ready” and so we’d regularly see her holding up a plate with a single sandwich in it shouting “PANINI! PANINI”. The irony in that location always made us laugh.

I get round it by saying “I’ll have one of those panini please”. People don’t notice you dropping the “s” that they might expect to hear because you only want one.

KarlUrbansWife · 09/09/2021 17:44

Good lord, what are you teaching your DC by pandering to the King in this way?!
If you have sons, you're teaching them to expect to be waited on by their wife. If you have daughters, you're setting the example of how they should treat their husbands in future.

Bluntness100 · 09/09/2021 18:08

Also op wanting to verify with your mil is batshit. You’re not his new mum, you don’t need to continue where she left off. If he’s the one who told you she didn’t do it growing up that’s quite nauseating and tells you how he sees you. Like you’re expect to behave like his mother. Thay would give anyone the ick

TatianaBis · 09/09/2021 18:29

Agreed. If my DH said his mum 'didn't do x' with him I'd say go and live with her then.

Geamhradh · 09/09/2021 20:18

@Velveteena

I love a single lasagne and a single panini.

If Italy has a problem with that they can come and speak to me.

Italy doesn't. Nobody in Italy has used the word lasagna for donkey's years, don't worry. Why would they? It's not like you can do much with one sheet! They don't use spaghetto either. (They do give lasagne a plural article though)
Chloemol · 09/09/2021 20:21

He gets what you have. He doesn’t like it he sorts himself out

LuaDipa · 09/09/2021 20:40

I must admit I'm a bit confused at all the let him get his own lunches when he's working from home. If you're all at home at a meal time, don't you all eat together?

We seldom manage to eat lunch together during the working week, even during lockdowns when all four of us were home every day. Dh and I were both working so would stop for a quick lunch as and when we could, the kids help themselves. If there were leftovers, someone would definitely eat them, regardless of whether or not they had eaten the same thing the previous day. Dh and ds both maintain that some things actually taste better the next day!

That aside, your dh is home unexpectedly. He can eat what you provide or he can sort himself out. In the kindest possible way, I am wondering why you are so concerned about this. Is everything else ok in your relationship.

BlackeyedSusan · 09/09/2021 22:31

@Claudethecat

I don't think OP is coming back...
@Claudethecat less than a minute late!

Really cheered me up though, thanks. (been there, done that)

RampantIvy · 09/09/2021 22:50

I must admit I'm a bit confused at all the let him get his own lunches when he's working from home. If you're all at home at a meal time, don't you all eat together?

Not at lunchtime when we are both working. Daytimes are too busy because we are both working so we just grab a sandwich, heat some soup or make a quick salad. We don't usually eat the same at lunch either as I am low carbing at the moment, and DH needs to put on weight.

I assume that your children aren't old enough to be at school? Will you have your main meal in the evening when they start school?

We eat together in the evening and at weekends.

How do you have time to cook and have your main meal at lunchtime?

FunTimes2020 · 09/09/2021 22:56

Feed him? Serve him?
Fuck that!!!!

BlotBangRub · 09/09/2021 23:06

It's like that old saying that when the enormous cooking pot comes out on a Monday, you're going to be eating the same thing for a week.
But no, if he chooses to be a fussy eater then he's choosing to cook for himself, is the way I would deal with it.
I also don't understand people who for example say, I can't have a chicken sandwich for lunch as I'm having chicken pasta for tea. Bonkers!

OneMoreStitch · 09/09/2021 23:06

I think you're spoiling him, tbh. Fair enough, if you're happy to manage things so he never has to eat the same thing twice in a week, but on the occasions that he changes plans at the last minute, I'd say he can like it or he can lump it.

Also, you can eat at the same time, together as a family, and have different things. Meaning that he can fix something for himself to have and then you and the children have reheated lasagna once he's done. I'd keep some tinned soup and sandwich supplies on hand, and he can have those on the days that you and the kids have leftovers. Well, tinned soup and a sandwich is still "different", right? Either that or stop bending over backwards. It won't kill him to eat the same thing twice a week every once in a while!

Briony123 · 09/09/2021 23:10

Wowsers, we will eat lasagne 3 nights in a row and be sorry when it's finished!

Winemeup · 09/09/2021 23:40

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Does he take no responsibility at all for feeding himself ever?? Can he not have a sandwich for lunch? He sounds like a dictator
He sounds like a twat!
dakatzin · 10/09/2021 17:23

I am a DH [in Chicago, USA]. I am currently working at home most day. I almost always make my own breakfast. I generally make my own lunch, unless I am finishing some leftovers. My wife usually makes dinner. Sometimes I assist; occasionally, I cook dinner.

Yes, your husband is being unreasonable. Let him make his own lunch.

FoodologistGirl · 10/09/2021 17:24

The 80s called, they want your husbands attitude back. Jeeze! Do yourself a favour and watch Shirley Valentine 🤦‍♀️

Roozy123 · 10/09/2021 17:25

Lol

Fleshmechanic · 10/09/2021 17:26

What would he do if he was in the office?

retirementrocks · 10/09/2021 17:26

the cheek of it!
My DH wouldn't dare complain about having the same meal two days running or whenever the same week! He knows exactly what my response would be! I hate wasting food so we will quite often have for lunch what we had the previous evening for dinner.

Geamhradh · 10/09/2021 17:27

@FoodologistGirl

The 80s called, they want your husbands attitude back. Jeeze! Do yourself a favour and watch Shirley Valentine 🤦‍♀️
Erm, I'm not sure what kind of 80s you lived through but my mother was the MD of a large company and as my dad got home invariably first he started the dinner. You possibly meant to type 50s unless your own personal experience was rather antiquated.
ButtonMoonLoon · 10/09/2021 17:28

Is he not capable of making himself a sandwich or jacket potato or heating up some soup???

Mirw · 10/09/2021 17:32

Tell him to get his own food if he is that fussy. We sometimes have the same thing 4 or 5 times in the same week. Depends what is cheap when I do the shopping.

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