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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feed DH the same meal twice?

541 replies

KidsAreMean · 09/09/2021 06:33

DH won't eat the same meal twice in one week. I, personally think it's absolutely bonkers, but apparently MIL never did (I must verify this with her!) and he doesn't like it. Fine. I've got used to it. However, usually during the week, I cook for the DC and will e.g. make a double portion of lunch which we eat 2 days later.
This week I made a massive lasagne. Plan: Monday lunch, Wednesday lunch when DH is home office and then we'd finish the rest Thursday lunch. Except DH has now decided he's working from home today (as well as yesterday). I don't have any other food in apart from eggs which he doesn't like. Else I can make an emergency pasta & tomato sauce - which is basically same as the lasagne!
So AIBU to serve him the lasagne? I'd planned to do the weekly shop tomorrow, going today will inconvenience me next week (even though I'm a sahm).

OP posts:
EL8888 · 09/09/2021 10:36

Isn’t he just grateful to get food?! My fiancé isn’t perfect but he would be happy to get food. If your husband doesn’t like it, then he sorts out his own food then

loafcake · 09/09/2021 10:36

No way I would serve him anything at all, I'm a SAHM with a partner on shifts so this week I've been doing all the cooking and I made a huge batch of chilli by accident.
We don't have room in the freezer at the moment so he's had it for 2 dinners and a lunch 😂 would never dream of complaining or refusing!!

lottiegarbanzo · 09/09/2021 10:37

I get my own lunch when I'm working from home. Am I doing it wrong?

Admittedly lunch for both of us is a sandwich, dinner is in the evening. There is no home chef available to be cooking for either of us in the middle of the day.

But at dinner time, if one of us is busy, or has to eat early, the other can fend for themselves, be that with leftovers or fresh food.

IWantT0BreakFree · 09/09/2021 10:37

I must admit I'm a bit confused at all the let him get his own lunches when he's working from home. If you're all at home at a meal time, don't you all eat together?

Well yes but none of the adults in my home would be complaining or turning their noses up at something that another adult has been kind enough to prepare for them. If him being "served" the same meal twice in a week is a cause of so much angst then he needs to be a grown up and make a sandwich for himself.

Honestly how are these men not embarrassed to be like this.

MordredsOrrery · 09/09/2021 10:40

If you're all at home at a meal time, don't you all eat together?

Not necessarily. It depends on working patterns and when everyone is hungry. If I'm in a meeting I don't expect hungry kids to wait until I'm done so I'll get theirs ready before I start. DH usually doesn't want what they have so has learned to make what he wants because I'm not the local servant.

One of us will always eat with the kids and if possible we'll all be at the table, but with work it isn't always achievable (and I quite often don't eat because it's the only way to stop SEN DC1 running away and not eating).

TheKeatingFive · 09/09/2021 10:40

If you're all at home at a meal time, don't you all eat together?

Not while working, no. We each grab something when it suits us.

thriftyhen · 09/09/2021 10:41

This is what my MIL did (born in the 1920's). Each meal was completely different, made from scratch, portion controlled with no leftovers. Nothing was carried forward to make next day's meal or eaten twice. She absolutely hated cooking and no wonder why!

We will eat the same meal two days running, or variations of it. So a big casserole, soup, dahl, curry will do for two days and then the rest frozen. If I cook something with potato then mashed potato is used on top of a veggie cottage pie, boiled potatoes are roasted. Spaghetti is made into a pasta bake and so on.

Cooking a fresh meal every day is making unnecessary work for yourself. I would back off and let him sort himself out with food if he's going to be so fussy!

Mamamamasaurus · 09/09/2021 10:42

@KidsAreMean

Blush I don't usually expect the kids to eat the same thing three times in one week. But, they begged for lasagne, I hate making it so they can eat it til it's gone! I don't want to freeze it as I don't like defrosted lentils.

We eat our main meal at lunch time. I usually do M/W and T/T although if I don't have enough for two meals, I portion some up for DH to take to work the following day and we eat something easy like scrambled eggs or fish fingers the other day of the pair. Otherwise he gets a cooked meal from the canteen or takeaway when he's at the office.

DH cooks one or both of the main meals at the weekend.

I must admit I'm a bit Confused at all the let him get his own lunches when he's working from home. If you're all at home at a meal time, don't you all eat together?

Lentils - in lasagne?
DontMakeMeShushYou · 09/09/2021 10:46

I must admit I'm a bit confused at all the let him get his own lunches when he's working from home. If you're all at home at a meal time, don't you all eat together?

I think people are only saying that should happen if he's unhappy with what's produced.

Lunch isn't our main meal and my DH hasn't worked from home at all but when the kids have been home from school we eat together and have the same thing ... unless one of them doesn't want what's on offer in which case they make their own. I'll add that they are 15 and 17 and are therefore more than capable of catering for themselves if they don't like what's being offered. They're also quite capable of cooking for everyone and do that quite often.

FoxgloveSummers · 09/09/2021 10:50

@IWantT0BreakFree

I must admit I'm a bit confused at all the let him get his own lunches when he's working from home. If you're all at home at a meal time, don't you all eat together?

Well yes but none of the adults in my home would be complaining or turning their noses up at something that another adult has been kind enough to prepare for them. If him being "served" the same meal twice in a week is a cause of so much angst then he needs to be a grown up and make a sandwich for himself.

Honestly how are these men not embarrassed to be like this.

I agree with this. OP you're clearly very considerate and have accommodated your husbands totally unreasonable and kingly demands for ages. But he's created this "problem" for himself by deciding to work from home and also deciding to be a big fusspot. Therefore on this occasion I think the legit thing to do is say "we are having lasagne for lunch, you're welcome to join us or you can sort yourself out".
Quartz2208 · 09/09/2021 10:55

Nope DH and I both work from home and we are both responsible for our own lunches as finding a time we are both free to do it isnt easy so we eat separately

That said our main meal is dinner not lunch - why lunch - how old are your DC are they not at school

mswales · 09/09/2021 10:56

If you're cooking ALL his meals at home bar one or two per week he needs to accept what he's given! Goodness me men who expect if they are earning all the money then they deserve to be waited on at home, it's infuriating. You are working just as hard as him looking after the children OP, you shouldn't have to serve all his needs. Childcare/housecare in the evenings and weekends should be split 50/50.

AlvinSimonTheo · 09/09/2021 10:56

God he sounds wet but YABU for putting lentils in a lasagne

atee · 09/09/2021 10:57

I have to ask... can he not go to the shops, buy food he likes and cook it himself?

thisplaceisweird · 09/09/2021 11:01

Ok I get it now. I wouldn't eat lasagne with lentils in either.

hangrylady · 09/09/2021 11:02

Tough tits. Remind him that you're not his mother and he can eat what he wants so long as he cooks it.

whynotwhatknot · 09/09/2021 11:04

youre not a resturant op is what we're tring to say-your dc wanted lsagne so thats what everyone gets

IntermittentParps · 09/09/2021 11:05

He can make his own fucking lunch if he doesn't like it. You're not the cook.

Why are people being silly about lentils in lasagne? It's perfectly normal and very nice.

Orla1970 · 09/09/2021 11:09

Are you his new mummy? What’s with all the his mum never made him eat the same thing twice in one week. Ffs tell him to fuck off and get his own lunch. Who made him king of the castle? Maybe he could ask his real mum to bring him a nice packed lunch every day

Dutchesss · 09/09/2021 11:09

Agree with the others, YABU to entertain this. If he doesn't want lasagne then he makes something else. You're not his personal chef.

LazySundayPlease · 09/09/2021 11:09

I posted earlier but this is totally ridiculous. PLEASE READ THE BELOW OP.

My husband is a stay at home dad. Since COVID started, I've been working at home full time. By default, I get my own lunch every day. Occasionally, depending on what it is, I'll offer to make him some too (if it's soup and I can microwave two tins as easily as one!). Maybe once a month he will offer to make me some scrambled eggs or an omelette as a treat or if I'm poorly, he'll also offer.

When the kids are home in the holidays, he deals with their lunch and gets himself something quick and easy like a sandwich or soup.

We don't all eat together until dinner time.

As the working parent, I in no way feel neglected and realise that my husband's role is looking after the children, not to run around me!

This situation is in no way your fault OP so please don't let these posts feel like digs at you.

How is everything else with your husband and yourself? Is he controlling in any other ways? I am actually feeling a bit worried for you in case this is just the tip of the iceberg. Does he help with kids, housework? Do you have equal access to your finances?

daytripper28 · 09/09/2021 11:10

WTAF???? Your ‘D’ H is a total prick.

Goldbar · 09/09/2021 11:10

I must admit I'm a bit confused at all the let him get his own lunches when he's working from home. If you're all at home at a meal time, don't you all eat together?

We might be a bit unusual but no, in our household I have absolutely no responsibility for feeding my DH.

I cook for DC and me during the week as DH is back after we're in bed. DH sorts himself out. I will alert him to any leftovers in the fridge, though. When he was briefly wfh, DH got his own lunch. I mostly do jacket potatoes/beans on toast/scrambled egg type lunches for DC, whereas DH is used to a Pret/Itsu type office lunch and finds our humble fare boring Grin.

At weekends, whoever is up with DC gets them breakfast, we take it in turns to do a brunch-type lunch and then we'll usually either cook together, order in or go out in the evening. We usually have a picnic or cafe lunch for one weekend day.

Growing up, I remember my mother humpfing over the drudgery of family cooking. It really isn't necessary to produce a wonderful home-cooked meal every night. Fish fingers, picnic food and leftovers are all fine! And there's no way I'm worrying myself over what a grown man eats!

Divebar2021 · 09/09/2021 11:11

I think a lot of people don’t eat a main meal at lunchtime… I want to say most people don’t but I can’t be certain. Certainly if I ate lasagna at lunch I’d be sleepy at my desk all afternoon. We tend to want different things so we sort ourselves out with crackers & cheese or sandwiches etc. That includes DD9 who is more than capable of cooking an omelette for herself.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 09/09/2021 11:11

I must admit I'm a bit confused at all the let him get his own lunches when he's working from home. If you're all at home at a meal time, don't you all eat together?

The point is, if you have already provided him with a perfectly good meal, and he is unreasonable enough to refuse it, THEN let him get his own damn meal! He's treating you, and you're acting like, his slave. It really is disturbing OP.

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