To have a polite word with neighbours about their DS screaming his head off in the garden every day?

[turndownthevolume]

Regular on here, have NC for this.

Our garden backs on to another one belonging to a family with several children. The DC are out in it a lot playing football and making a fair bit of noise. That is all fine obvs, I have DC too (though they are older now) and I'd much rather kids were out and about in the garden than stuck in front of a screen. The dad (who I've exchanged a few friendly words with when lobbing balls back over the fence to them) seems a nice bloke.

But, one of the younger kids has really loud meltdowns more or less every day. He'll be arguing with siblings or whatever and he will just let out these bloodcurdling screams for prolonged periods. It makes it impossible to enjoy sitting out in the garden (they are small gardens and very close together) and in fact when he's properly screaming I have to shut the patio doors and windows. It's a bit frustrating during what'll probably last few days of decent weather not to be able to enjoy our garden or work anywhere near an open window on that side of the house. So I was thinking today that I might just go round and say something along the lines of. 'I totally understand young kids getting worked up is a fact of life and but is there any way, if he's very agitated in this way, you could sometimes encourage him to go inside until he's calmed down?' I appreciate that it won't always be possible but maybe if they have a sense of how its affecting the near neighbours they might consider it some of the time. Maybe this is just City life though and to bring it up would be unreasonable and v upsetting for them. Would appreciate some objective views.

YABU - you live in a city and you just have to suck it up
YANBU - and it would be ok to have a polite conversation with them about it

@whatthejiggeries

What I have found interesting on this is there are quite a lot of SEN parents on here. Most say I will be considerate of the neighbours and try and manage the situation. Two say - I cant do anything about it - followed by - my child's needs trump everyone else's

This is the problem. They don't. They might for you but they are not the most important thing in the world to anyone else and making other people miserable just because you think your child is more important is extremely selfish

Yes we do probably do things to annoy neighbours but not this regularly and not to this degree and if my neighbour were to complain I would address it. Some posters on here just don't seem to be prepared to have consideration for anyone else

This, in a nutshell.

Sorry whatthejiggeries - posted too soon. This struck me too - it got to the point where utterly ridiculous accusations were being made about wanting to lock away disabled people. Maybe in some cases, the child ‘can’t help it’, but the parent can - that’s what being a parent is FFS. But for a lot of parents it seems to be easier to wave the label around than actually deal with it.

I’m happy to just disagree with the idea that it’s your or your child’s job to reduce the impact of their presence as much as possible.

So, my DS having an ear splitting tantrum, should be enjoyed by everyone, and as his mother I shouldn't try to reduce the impact on everyone it's disturbing. He should just be allowed to make everyone miserable. Lest his impact be reduced.

Wow. Just wow.

Nice touch calling it his "presence" as if it's the mere sight of the child that people are so unreasonably against.

This couldn't be word for word, more what the PP who spotted that only two posters think it's all about their child and no one else.

@TwinsandTrifle You do you, after all you do it so well.

If I post a picture saying "live laugh love" does that entitle me to do zero parenting, and give my child free reign to scream wherever they like for as long as they like?

Brb. Off to B&M...

No, I don't do it so well. Again with the exaggerations. But at least I do something.

@TwinsandTrifle Brb. Off to B&M...

What happened to the gin ? I’ve had two while reading on………….hic !!

I’m pretty sure whatever you posted @TwinsandTrifle everyone would see exactly the sort of person you are. Buy a mirror and take a good long look at yourself.

I think it might be better to write a letter so you can be very considered in the tone and information. A conversation at the door might not go as well as you think. You sound reasonable, sensible and considered - but not everyone is and his parents might not be.

I expect some people on here never consider the impact of their own behaviour on ND people. It is always a one way street.

@Rosscameasdoody

DH out at works do. DTwins in bed. DS locked away from public view in the bath. Rare night to myself. I've gone for passion fruit martini

@5zeds

I’m pretty sure whatever you posted *@TwinsandTrifle* everyone would see exactly the sort of person you are. Buy a mirror and take a good long look at yourself.

@5zeds. I think if Twins took a good long look at herself she’d see a great mother with a realistic grasp on what it takes to be a responsible parent - considering her children’s needs and being considerate to others in the process. It’s not rocket science.

I expect some people on here never consider the impact of their own behaviour on ND people. It is always a one way street.

It's far from a one way street. I've had numerous conversations throughout DS life with teachers, other parents, who aren't initially aware of the additional needs DS has. After all, they're not mind readers. But after a conversation, most people are reasonable, often apologetic, and when they see the adaptations DS needs, they've been pretty helpful in the most. Some haven't, but that's a minority.

@Rosscameasdoody aw, shucks. Thank you.

(I'll pay you that fiver later )

Gosh MN has changed.

www.mumsnet.com/articles/this-is-my-child-about-the-campaign

@ I second that's it's not @TwinsandTrifle that needs the mirror.

Ds has to put up with noisy lawnmowers and strimmers, families having noisy smelly barbecues, children kicking balls against walls, people playing music in the garden, groups of people chatting in cafes, babies crying, people letting their young children follow him around and bother him, people talking to him in a loud voice because he has a learning disability even when they have been told not to, people putting prams in the wheelchair space, people putting their car in the blue badge space without a blue badge, people parking their cars on the pavement etc.

[quote 5zeds]Gosh MN has changed.

www.mumsnet.com/articles/this-is-my-child-about-the-campaign[/quote]
Nah. Just your reading comprehension is shit.

I just remembered that you actually were on that quiet resort thread and you were equally disgraceful and selfish there.

@Sleepyblueocean

Ds has to put up with noisy lawnmowers and strimmers, families having noisy smelly barbecues, children kicking balls against walls, people playing music in the garden, groups of people chatting in cafes, babies crying, people letting their young children follow him around and bother him, people talking to him in a loud voice because he has a learning disability even when they have been told not to, people putting prams in the wheelchair space, people putting their car in the blue badge space without a blue badge, people parking their cars on the pavement etc.

Everyone has to put up with most that. It's normal life noise. A consistent screaming though isn't. I gree with you on few points though like a wheelchair space being occupied. That is crap and selfish.

To my son it is distressing but if he becomes distressed and starts screaming and hurting himself, he will always be the one expected to leave or go inside.

I’m neither disgraceful nor selfish. I disagree with you about how disabled people who can’t control their noise should be treated. I’m not sure why that bothers you so much. It’s a big world and there’s room for more than one opinion.

[quote TwinsandTrifle]@Rosscameasdoody aw, shucks. Thank you.

(I'll pay you that fiver later )[/quote]
That Martini looks delish by the way !! Exit, to rifle through cupboards in search of something more exotic than G&T !!

@5zeds

I’m neither disgraceful nor selfish. I disagree with you about how disabled people who can’t control their noise should be treated. I’m not sure why that bothers you so much. It’s a big world and there’s room for more than one opinion.

The problem is that you don't disagree eith posterws. You made your own things up to disagree with. Otherwise it couod actually be a very interesting and imho fruitful debate

@Annoyedanddissapointed oh yes I remember that. That quiet hotels shouldn't exist because her son made lots of noise in the pool and so they were disabelist. Same attitude here. My sons needs are More important than yours.

Just lean over the fence look the brat In The eye and scream "PACK IT IN!" Always worked for me. Make sure you look and sound scary though