To have a polite word with neighbours about their DS screaming his head off in the garden every day?

[turndownthevolume]

Regular on here, have NC for this.

Our garden backs on to another one belonging to a family with several children. The DC are out in it a lot playing football and making a fair bit of noise. That is all fine obvs, I have DC too (though they are older now) and I'd much rather kids were out and about in the garden than stuck in front of a screen. The dad (who I've exchanged a few friendly words with when lobbing balls back over the fence to them) seems a nice bloke.

But, one of the younger kids has really loud meltdowns more or less every day. He'll be arguing with siblings or whatever and he will just let out these bloodcurdling screams for prolonged periods. It makes it impossible to enjoy sitting out in the garden (they are small gardens and very close together) and in fact when he's properly screaming I have to shut the patio doors and windows. It's a bit frustrating during what'll probably last few days of decent weather not to be able to enjoy our garden or work anywhere near an open window on that side of the house. So I was thinking today that I might just go round and say something along the lines of. 'I totally understand young kids getting worked up is a fact of life and but is there any way, if he's very agitated in this way, you could sometimes encourage him to go inside until he's calmed down?' I appreciate that it won't always be possible but maybe if they have a sense of how its affecting the near neighbours they might consider it some of the time. Maybe this is just City life though and to bring it up would be unreasonable and v upsetting for them. Would appreciate some objective views.

YABU - you live in a city and you just have to suck it up
YANBU - and it would be ok to have a polite conversation with them about it

Do you think those things are solvable by “taking someone inside”.
The taking inside is to mitigate the effect it has on everybody around you, how have you still not grasped this?
TwinsandTrifle has tried hard enough to explain it, God knows.

The taking inside is to mitigate the effect it has on everybody around you, how have you still not grasped this?

How have you not graded that disabled people don’t have to hide themselves away least their disability impacts you???. Did you miss the “this is my child” campaign by MN or the fairly hefty and rights disabled people have to protect them. Are you so blinkered that you really believe this shit?

Sorry grasped not graded, it isn’t a phrase I’d usually use.

I have already mentioned in a post that no way am I hiding my child away. That was made very clear.

My focus is on my child and if anyone is so offended by a meltdown or certain noises then that is on them.

Not the old days where anyone with a disability is automatically hidden away so as not to upset anyone!

@GreyhoundG1rl hope you have finally grasped it this time around

Do you think those things (meltdowns) are solvable by “taking someone inside”.

Fucketh me. For the twentieth time.... No!

But it solves the neighbours having to listen to it doesn't it!!!

Christing Christ.

Off for a gin.

@TwinsandTrifle

Yet it continues! Every child is different. What works for one does not work on every child.

I am very entertained by the sad little wannabe insults you continue to try and add into your posts. Now it is making excuses for my child amongst other things! It only makes you look immature and another I know best type... not a good look to have.

Also now apparently the child is apparently now definitely without additional support needs! Another thing you have produced from thin air!

As for what you have stated it is perfectly clear that you believe your way is the only way and yes that is still disturbing. Extremely disturbing. Obviously you are now some type of superior additional needs parent who likes to claim she knows it all and anyone else who happens to say otherwise is immediately lazy amongst numerous other little insults.

Everyone has different requirements so shock horror different things work on different people... also as for the comment about the right organisation it is clear where that one is going!

You seem to think you know best and anyone else is this and that.... what a fall people with that attitide tend to have when it is realised that actually no they don't.

Also as for lazy and making excuses what about the actual safeguarding of an additional needs child in the house? I see you chose to ignore despite attempting to only quote certain parts....

@TwinsandTrifle

Do you think those things (meltdowns) are solvable by “taking someone inside”.

Fucketh me. For the twentieth time.... No!

But it solves the neighbours having to listen to it doesn't it!!!

Christing Christ.

Off for a gin.

I'll join you

@TwinsandTrifle again, why should the neighbours come before my child having fresh air? Or my child having a trip to the park or somewhere else? But wait let's just put the child last eh.

Might as well just keep any children locked away from public view as we don't want to cause any upset to the neighbours now, do we?

My focus is on my child and if anyone is so offended by a meltdown or certain noises then that is on them.

Yes this is more like it. This is finally acknowledging that you don't consider other people. Then pretending that if you had to take a shouting child indoors, it would somehow be alluding to "disabled children must be locked away"

Christing Christing Christ.

(And thank you to PP who also acknowledges this has been explained over and over. Some people know exactly what they're doing, they think they're so entitled and untouchable because they have a SEN card to wave, and bank on you being too intimidated to challenge anything to do with SEN)

Please don’t swear at me just because I think disabled children shouldn’t be kept inside or taken inside when they are distressed (unless it helps THEM). I think your take on things is horrid, I think you have little understanding of what some people’s lives are like, or how many neurodiverse people behave despite your experience. I do confess to questioning (privately) how much real experience of disability you have and if perhaps you have extrapolated from a child who is fairly easily supported to thinking all are. I honestly don’t want to get into a toy for tat, I think we just hold very different views. That may make you feel I’m “lazy” or “lax” or me think you are “ignorant” or perhaps “unimaginative”, but little is to be gained from mud slinging. I personally am finding it quite hard to receive.

OP we don’t know what is causing this noise if you must, go round and talk to the parents please on the off chance that this is a child with additional needs don’t shout through the fence or blow fog horns or whatever. It would make me sad if you’d approached me but far better than if you’d scared my child or his siblings and made them anxious in their garden.

Might as well just keep any children locked away from public view as we don't want to cause any upset to the neighbours now, do we?

Yes that's the only alternative to letting them do as they please at the expense anyone else. Rule the roost, or put them in the cellar.

The suggestion that you take your shouting child somewhere he only disrupts your home as opposed to everyone in a 50m radius, means you're "locking your child away from public view"

I mean, I've heard it all now.

You're stopping your child being a nuisance for a short period of time, and showing consideration and respect for others. Not sending him to the tower. Seriously, get a grip.

So why does not taking a neurodiverse screaming child inside for 10 mins until they have calmed down trump making the entire neighbourhood miserable and stressed and potentially triggering other neurodiverse neighbours?

I have a 2-year old DC who has frequent (and often early morning) tantrums. The neighbours complained but really, theres not much I can do. She's a toddler. I don't enjoy them screaming either. Now, the neighbours send a text every morning saying to be quiet and it's starting to get really stressful. If you do speak to them, be kind and don't push it on weekly basis. I don't think anyone in that family is having much fun.

@TwinsandTrifle

Plenty of people don't have any power over a full blown tantrum same as a meltdown

Hi. Repeating, SEN mother for 13yrs now. Part of various SEN networks and seen enough over the last decade to know that too many parental rants of "I can't" are far more accurately "I can't be bothered". Because there's always a parent in a very similar situation that must be some kind of magician, because they magically can do what the other parent is purporting as impossible.

No. We don't have much power in stopping a meltdown starting. Why are you projecting that this is being implied by anyone? We have a lot of power in how we allow that meltdown to affect those around us. A huge amount of power. Not to stop the meltdown perhaps. But to absolutely take the child indoors/home/to a different play area. Please don't pretend otherwise.

There are lazy parents of NT children, and lazy parents of SEN children. It's the parent, not the child.

Yes, worked a lot in this area and agree. Some parents/carers are magicians.

What many parents fail to get is that children with disabilities are going to into adults with disabilities and behaviour on a 6ft 17 stone adult doesn’t get the same level of indulgence.

@TwinsandTrifle I had already stated that previously. You can pick, pick as much as you want however I will not be putting my child last.

Also yes I completely wave the so called special needs card every single day..... in fact I have a special little flag I prefer to use as well.

You really need to calm down and seriously stop being so militant and worked up over this.

People look after their child in a different way to you as that is what their child requires. Therefore they are this, that and the next thing. You sound like such a nice, kind and caring person.

Also why do you constantly persist in assumptions? Claiming I let them do whatever they want which is the latest speel from you amongst numerous other assumptions! Yes I completely let them run riot burning down cars and terrorising the neighbourhood......

You seriously need to stop assuming things that you have chosen to make up in your head. Also a sedative might be good for you also as you're quite worked up about this!

Also very nice to claim that my child having a meltdown is a "nuisance" now.

Very nice indeed. Due to lack of speech it is so disgraceful that he has episodes of this as he cannot communicate properly with speech...

What a "nuisance" he is eh... honestly you are away with it

That post is bloody awful, toys
Not on.

@5zeds agreed completely. I was having very similar thoughts here also regarding that. Some things have stood out massively that are concerning.

@GreyhoundG1rl yet apparently it is perfectly acceptable for someone to make up nonsense and claim this, that and the next thing ranting away at me.

As apparently my non verbal child is now a "nuisance" how dare he express himself when he lacks the words to do so.

Oh wait, it will no doubt now be due to me supposedly not bothering to try and teach him... seeing as how I apparently don't parent amomgst all the other ever so lovely little daft insults aha

So yeah @GreyhoundG1rl I would say that someone making nonsense up in their deluded assumptions is not on at all as all must bow to some supposed magical know it all...

You can pick, pick as much as you want however I will not be putting my child last.

But no one is asking you too. Literally no one. I'm not sure why you act like they are? That's the bizarre thing. Your child not coming first on every occasion in order to consider the other people around you, is what's being discussed.

I don't get this, it's all about my child, and only about my child and if anyone says anything, clearly they think he should be locked away.

@Threearm

I'd probably laugh in your face if I were your neighbour.

So glad I don't live next door to you then!

I would say something. I am aware my eldest and youngest don’t get on. They bicker all the time and the young one loses the plot. It is embarrassing and I separate them when they start. I should add there is 8yrs between them ! I would be mortified if they were left in the garden with them bickering and youngest screaming. Siblings can wind each other up to the point of one of them losing it. Even if the DC has sen it doesn’t excuse the parents not doing anything about the racket in the garden or even coming to see what is going on.

So now it is "every occasion" again, where have I stated that.

Please stop claiming I have said this or that when it is blatantly obvious what I was referring to when I made the post.

As apparently my non verbal child is now a "nuisance" how dare he express himself when he lacks the words to do so.
You literally interpret people's posts to suit yourself. The "nuisance" described the behaviour, not your child. You can't have misunderstood that badly, surely?
And yes, behaviours that are unavoidable can have nuisance value too...
Refusing to do anything to mitigate it's effect because "he can't help it" is on you, not him.