To have a polite word with neighbours about their DS screaming his head off in the garden every day?

[turndownthevolume]

Regular on here, have NC for this.

Our garden backs on to another one belonging to a family with several children. The DC are out in it a lot playing football and making a fair bit of noise. That is all fine obvs, I have DC too (though they are older now) and I'd much rather kids were out and about in the garden than stuck in front of a screen. The dad (who I've exchanged a few friendly words with when lobbing balls back over the fence to them) seems a nice bloke.

But, one of the younger kids has really loud meltdowns more or less every day. He'll be arguing with siblings or whatever and he will just let out these bloodcurdling screams for prolonged periods. It makes it impossible to enjoy sitting out in the garden (they are small gardens and very close together) and in fact when he's properly screaming I have to shut the patio doors and windows. It's a bit frustrating during what'll probably last few days of decent weather not to be able to enjoy our garden or work anywhere near an open window on that side of the house. So I was thinking today that I might just go round and say something along the lines of. 'I totally understand young kids getting worked up is a fact of life and but is there any way, if he's very agitated in this way, you could sometimes encourage him to go inside until he's calmed down?' I appreciate that it won't always be possible but maybe if they have a sense of how its affecting the near neighbours they might consider it some of the time. Maybe this is just City life though and to bring it up would be unreasonable and v upsetting for them. Would appreciate some objective views.

YABU - you live in a city and you just have to suck it up
YANBU - and it would be ok to have a polite conversation with them about it

I would hate this, screaming is horrendous.

@chanidoll

Suck it up! 4/5 year old children scream and have tantrums and when there are several children fighting is part of everyday life. The only thing you will achieve is a hostile relationship with the parents. Children cannot be expected to be on best behaviour at all times in their own home/garden. Just enjoy the peace when they are in school!

Wow! Another parent who can't / doesn't want to parent !

This is so easy to deal with, with decent parenting. Obviously my kids were as noisy as anyone else's. If one child was over the top, or screeching deliberately, I just used to just go outside and bring them in , telling them they couldn't play outside whilst making that awful noise. They could go out again once they calmed down. Simple.

Bollocks to "suck it up!"
What sublime rudeness.

‘Suck it up’ !! Are you by any chance the OP’s neighbour ?? I’m all for kids having fun and being loud, but if the OP’s experience is anything like mine, the kid’s behaviour is out of control and unchecked. So other people have to put up with it - oh and it doesn’t do the kid much good either does it ? When he’s old enough for school he’ll have trouble conforming and probably be labelled with some sort of ‘condition’ when in actual fact all he needs is a bit of discipline now.

The next time he does it can you go round and ask if he’s ok as you were worried they hadn’t heard him and wanted to see he’s safe

4/5 year old children scream and have tantrums and when there are several children fighting is part of everyday life if they belong to a parent who is too ignorant and inconsiderate to parent them properly, or respect anyone else who has to listen to this continual behaviour and allow them to fight and tantrum instead.

There. Fixed it for you.

@Evan456

The next time he does it can you go round and ask if he’s ok as you were worried they hadn’t heard him and wanted to see he’s safe

This. It’s subtly suggesting you think there may be a problem - the thought that your next step might be social services might be enough to at least tone it down.

@turndownthevolume yeah I was pretty sure that I hadn't came across any of your posts stating the two hour thing...

It seems to be as usual it has been jumped upon... the five minutes spread throughout here and there just seems to be one of those things.

Noise is to be expected with neighbours. I can guarantee that a lot of people commenting on here also do things that severely piss off their neighbours who also like to have a moan about it. That's people for you.

@Wonkydonkey44 I had already stated in my reply to what you have quoted that I had zero knowledge regarding this magical two hours it had suddenly changed to....

Kids are kids. Everybody makes noise at some point or another. As I've said above you will very likely also do things that annoy your neighbours! It's life!

@Rosscameasdoody ahh so now apparently social work should be involved if a child is noisy outside!

Yes that is very helpful for anyone whose child can have some outbursts outside! For five minutes not two hours as some have now claimed it is!

Social work do not bother with that. Also, plenty of social work are aware regarding children who require additional support and noise comes part and parcel with a lot of children who happen to be in that category.

Should all children be kept locked up inside or just noisy ones who sometimes make a noise for five minutes roughly??

@Rosscameasdoody just saw your post above the one I commented about.

Now apparently a bit of discipline???

Yeah you really have the correct character to be near some children! A somewhat old fashioned view to have and one that mainly has been left behind in the past for very good reasons!

[quote toystoyseverywhere]@Wonkydonkey44 I had already stated in my reply to what you have quoted that I had zero knowledge regarding this magical two hours it had suddenly changed to....

Kids are kids. Everybody makes noise at some point or another. As I've said above you will very likely also do things that annoy your neighbours! It's life![/quote]
I wouldn't dream of pissing my neighbours off , and certainly if my neighbour told me I was I would certainly try to rectify it . That's what living in a community is all about, not as some people think ' I'm alright so f@ck anyone else'

Thanks, @LittleGwyneth. Wasn't sure if you were being sarcastic or not, lol, but I'm going to assume not 🙂

She's been a really challenging child to raise and I've often felt judged, but I've always tried to bring her up to consider others and to try to find ways to manage her ASD so that she can fit in to the NT world as well as possible and not to expect everyone to fit around her.

We've learnt her triggers and try to manage them as well as possible and she now has strategies she can use to manage them herself to minimise the stress to herself and others.

I always tell her ASD is not an excuse to behave poorly; it may be an explanation as to why she struggles with things, but it is not a 'get out of jail free' card to treat others badly and do what you like without considering others.

If I'd always let her do what she likes and scream and shout, and never have any consequences, I wouldn't have been doing her any favours in the long term and I would've failed as her parent as I see my job as bringing her up to be as independent as possible and being able to manage life, for which she needs to be able to consider others' needs.

@Wonkydonkey44 you seem to be unaware of your privilege. Some people literally CAN’T be quiet. They piss people off all the time and can do fuck all about it. They live in a world where they are rarely welcome, often disapproved of and sometimes attacked. No amount of discipline or self control will help.

[quote 5zeds]@Wonkydonkey44 you seem to be unaware of your privilege. Some people literally CAN’T be quiet. They piss people off all the time and can do fuck all about it. They live in a world where they are rarely welcome, often disapproved of and sometimes attacked. No amount of discipline or self control will help.[/quote]
I'm sorry you feel like that about your life

[quote toystoyseverywhere]@Rosscameasdoody just saw your post above the one I commented about.

Now apparently a bit of discipline???

Yeah you really have the correct character to be near some children! A somewhat old fashioned view to have and one that mainly has been left behind in the past for very good reasons![/quote]
How is that an old fashioned view 😂😂

I'm sorry you feel like that about your life thanks

lack of privilege is not a feeling.

@LookAtMoiPloise really? So you have no clue at all that claiming a child simply needs some discipline otherwise the child will have all kinds of issues at school and be known as that child and have some label thrown on him is an old fashioned rule???

Back in the old days, that is what used to be the main viewpoint of most sadly enough however enough people changed with the times and actually recognised the fact that that approach doesn't tend to really work.... same as shutting kids away also...

So yeah you can attempt to comment with numerous emojis but if you had bothered to actually read you would have read what I was referring to.... unless you did which makes it even more disturbing but hey ho this thread has definitely brought out a lot of ones with some messed up opinions that's for sure!!

@5zeds very well said! Obviously some are the usual don't care train and as long as they're okay.... same old nonsense

@Threearm

I'd probably laugh in your face if I were your neighbour.

Why would you be such a dick?

@Wonkydonkey44 considering you've stated numerous times that it is down to people not parenting their children it doesn't surprise me at all what you've written about the "I'm alright so fuck anyone else" also about the apparent lack of parenting going on!

Plenty of people don't have any power over a full blown tantrum same as a meltdown. So to try to claim that this attitude is going on just shows that you have zero clue regarding it. As you are aware I've stated about one of my children and it's just as well I don't give a flying monkey what some people think regarding that type of thing. Kind of got used to it with my oldest when the ever so lovely people used to constantly stare as though she was an animal on display! Hey, maybe to some she was eh!

Also yes, if you cannot see that there will actually be things you do that will also piss off your neighbours then I would definitely say to open your eyes fully! Everyone does something that annoys others even if it doesn't fully register with the person doing it! It isn't a big friendly neighbourly world out there in the real world.....

Also yes, if you cannot see that there will actually be things you do that will also piss off your neighbours then I would definitely say to open your eyes fully!
I'm really struggling to see the relevance of this... Suck up the screaming child because the neighbour will be equally pissed off with something you're doing?

For five minutes not two hours as some have now claimed it is!

Its both. The OP clarified that in her scenario the disruption is all afternoon. In 5 minute bouts. Eg ten minutes of normal level play noise, then five minutes of shrieking and screaming. Repeat this for a whole afternoon, 3 hours, 4....

The two hours is in reference to another poster who declared her child had two hour long melt downs, and if it was in her garden so be it. And all and sundry are supposed to listen to this, whenever it occurs, as she "couldn't" bring him indoors because picking up her own 7yr old child might hurt her.

@AmelieLovesAutumn well why would you chose to behave in such a dickish way as to complain to parents about a child making noise for maybe five minutes here and there???

A garden tends to attract kids to play in. Also quite possibly the parents are completely fed up of all the nosey, disapproving stares from numerous others when they have their child out and about if similar happens then....