To have a polite word with neighbours about their DS screaming his head off in the garden every day?

[turndownthevolume]

Regular on here, have NC for this.

Our garden backs on to another one belonging to a family with several children. The DC are out in it a lot playing football and making a fair bit of noise. That is all fine obvs, I have DC too (though they are older now) and I'd much rather kids were out and about in the garden than stuck in front of a screen. The dad (who I've exchanged a few friendly words with when lobbing balls back over the fence to them) seems a nice bloke.

But, one of the younger kids has really loud meltdowns more or less every day. He'll be arguing with siblings or whatever and he will just let out these bloodcurdling screams for prolonged periods. It makes it impossible to enjoy sitting out in the garden (they are small gardens and very close together) and in fact when he's properly screaming I have to shut the patio doors and windows. It's a bit frustrating during what'll probably last few days of decent weather not to be able to enjoy our garden or work anywhere near an open window on that side of the house. So I was thinking today that I might just go round and say something along the lines of. 'I totally understand young kids getting worked up is a fact of life and but is there any way, if he's very agitated in this way, you could sometimes encourage him to go inside until he's calmed down?' I appreciate that it won't always be possible but maybe if they have a sense of how its affecting the near neighbours they might consider it some of the time. Maybe this is just City life though and to bring it up would be unreasonable and v upsetting for them. Would appreciate some objective views.

YABU - you live in a city and you just have to suck it up
YANBU - and it would be ok to have a polite conversation with them about it

Had you considered asking her over for a coffee? She could bring the child with her if appropriate and you’d get to know each other. You might be able to understand her set up- making a healthy connection with neighbours is never a bad thing.

We've got a very shrill (and frequently furious!) 3-year-old next door, and the shrieking and screaming is ear-splitting. We put up with it because she is jealous of her (very sweet) older brother, but then we know she will grow out of it, and it's worse for her parents...we can always go indoors to escape.

Oh oh, another idea OP. Get a whistle or an air horn (air horn preferable), and every time the screaming starts, blow the air horn over the fence.

That will either stop the screaming, or make the parents realise just how intrusive the screaming is. And let’s face it, if they refuse to do anything about it, you’ve got the air horn as a back up!

@Chloemol

I had this one weekend, kid screaming and screaming, not play screaming but right out screaming, dad in the garden with it. I shouted at the top of my voice shut up screaming. The noise stopped, dad took the child in

I didn’t know where the noise was coming from or I would have knocked on the door. Everyone has the right to enjoy their garden and listening to kids daily have meltdowns is not on

Everyone has the right to enjoy their garden and listening to kids daily have meltdowns is not on

THIS!!!!!!! ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️‼️‼️‼️‼️

@elizabethdraper

5 mins?

My 7 year old has 2 hour screaming meltdowns

If it happens in the garden, that's where it happens.

He is too big for me to lift and bring inside

Buy some noise cancelling headphones, they are great

Wow! You are extreeeeeeemely unfair on your neighbours. Nobody should have to put up with that. Your neighbours have a right to live in relative peace.

If it really is 2 hours and is regularly then I suggest you approach children's services for some support as your child sounds distressed? Mine has ASD but knows not to scream! She knows I will not tolerate it!!!

@EL8888

I’m now wondering if you live near my mum. Her neighbours son constantly screams, shouts and whines. It drives all the other neighbours to distraction

Yeah I'm wondering if I do too

@DGFB

Of course you can’t say anything. They are children - in their garden! If you don’t like it then move somewhere away from other people’s gardens? Before you know it they will be older and more able to handle their emotions. Please don’t expect parents to somehow stop their children having a meltdown

"If you don't like it then move"

What the fuck?!?! Why on earth should she?!?! EVERYONE has the right to live in relative quiet in their property! The noise abatement law states that 'All residents are entitled to quiet enjoyment of their home'
Not 'All residents children can do whatever the flippety fuck they like, make as much noise and absolute DIN as they like, and anyone who doesn't like it can fuck off - so ner ner nerner nerrrrrrrr'

Are you 12?

@elizabethdraper

5 mins?

My 7 year old has 2 hour screaming meltdowns

If it happens in the garden, that's where it happens.

He is too big for me to lift and bring inside

Buy some noise cancelling headphones, they are great

Are you indoors wearing noise cancelling headphones whilst he does this? I thought I'd heard it all

Buy some noise cancelling headphones, they are great

God, this gets trotted out on here so much that it makes me laugh; people shouldn't have to walk around in noise cancelling headphones in their own fucking home!

@LookAtMoiPloise

Buy some noise cancelling headphones, they are great

God, this gets trotted out on here so much that it makes me laugh; people shouldn't have to walk around in noise cancelling headphones in their own fucking home!

Exactly!

Just go round and find out. Ask them their problems and if appropriate tell them yours and see if you can come to some solution.

Please don’t expect parents to somehow stop their children having a meltdown

Please don't make out that this is what anyone has said, or is implying.

I always try to nip arguments outside in the bud, and my DS who does have ASD and is just LOUD all the time does have to be constantly reminded to keep his voice down. It's exhausting, and I do have moments where I just cannot stop what I'm doing inside to go outside to intervene so the noise happens. But, I would argue that we in turn put up with plenty of noise from our neighbours, from dogs barking to radios and TVs loud enough to be heard over our own (even when it's just me quietly at home), and even visiting grandkids who are FAR more noisy than mine, so I feel on balance we are not the only guilty party in our area.

You might try and have a little bit of empathy with the parents though, if they are struggling with a particular SEN child, your griping over not being able to enjoy the last few days of summer is the least of their worries! Try some headphones maybe, or just wait til they are back at school to sit out?

@elizabethdraper really that is utterly selfish. Iif your child is 7 surely you can pick them up - if you can't maybe wait I until your DP gets home. Why on earth do you think it's reasonable that your neighbours have to listen to that?

Please parent your child and respect the other people around you.

you think I can parent the disability out of my child? Shocking

so you're saying the child should be locked indoors?

perhaps you should move

well I've got a SEN child, so frankly your enjoyment of the summer is the least of my worries

wear noise cancelling headphones in and around your own home

Dear God. I'm embarrassed as a SEN mother to see these responses. Claiming that someone noticing you do nothing, continually, to stop your child screaming, is asking you to parent their disability out of them. Actually a horrendous thing to say to hide your selfish attitude and lazy parenting. The ignorance and entitlement does the rest of us (who know it's perfectly within our capabilities to mitigate a situation like this) a massive disservice.

No one wants my kid locked indoors. They want me to be a decent parent. SEN is neither here nor there, it simply means I use different techniques to be a decent parent.

What do you propose they do exactly if their child is having a meltdown? Are they to politely ask the child to go inside? Or pick them up and take them inside and probably make the meltdown worse?

I've always brought my daughter in for a few minutes (or however long it takes for her to calm down) in these situations. It's not that much of a big deal to pick up a 4 or 5 year old and bring them in if need be!

@TwinsandTrifle exactly, people need to parent their children! Amused by the noise cancelling headphones suggestion someone made, an impressive dick move

[quote EL8888]@TwinsandTrifle exactly, people need to parent their children! Amused by the noise cancelling headphones suggestion someone made, an impressive dick move [/quote]
Actually it's really not that impressive because it is a very common dick move. I would say it's second from top in most common bs list. First being "move somewhere without neighbours then,"

What do you propose they do exactly if their child is having a meltdown? Are they to politely ask the child to go inside? Or pick them up and take them inside and probably make the meltdown worse?

Yet again, a pointless comment like this "politely ask them", as if anyone dealing with their child having a full blown meltdown is ever saying "can you just pop inside sweetie." Politely ask, goes alongside "presumably I should just lock him indoors". Yes let's bring out the ridiculous to mask that the actual answer is just parent him properly.

I've answered three ways I have dealt with this personally earlier in the thread. And another PP mentions above, she just takes her DD indoors. And yes, the meltdown might get worse. Guess what, like it or not, that's the hand you've been dealt and it's not the rest of the world's problem that you've got to deal with your own child in your own house. Yes it's hard. Yes it sucks. No it doesn't mean therefore you are entitled to make the rest of your street endure it.

@Annoyedanddissapointed l suppose it’s the neighbour issue equivalent of LTB for relationship issues!

Gosh, thank you for all your messages. Been offline this evening spending time with a friend. It has, coincidentally, been a lot quieter out back today!

Still thinking that I won’t go round, that it is unlikely that the child in question has SEN, but that, if we have another day like yesterday with more screeching than usual, I might call loudly over the fence to ask if they could keep it down a bit.

Thanks again to everyone who has taken the time to post. BTW I’ve never done a poll before and can’t see the results (it’s saying 0% for both on my screen) so if it’s showing for anyone else I’d be interested to know which way it has swung!

[quote whatthejiggeries]@elizabethdraper really that is utterly selfish. Iif your child is 7 surely you can pick them up - if you can't maybe wait I until your DP gets home. Why on earth do you think it's reasonable that your neighbours have to listen to that? [/quote]
A 7 yo is about the age they get difficult to lift. One having a screaming meltdown is unlikely to jump up and hold on for a carry. More likely to fling themselves and injure the child or parent.

The thing that would get me is that the parents are indoors so it doesn't affect them as much. The child may have sen but they need to parent. I love children playing but everyone else shouldn't be affected by the screaming.

I would speak to them. My friend realises that her neighbors and loud music they did nothing if no one complained. So you've got nothing to lose by complaining.

"Excuse me, but your son has been shouting a song about earwigs (which you know as well as I do, you can hear him half a mile away ) and this has now migrated in to shrill screaming as he jumps off his swing. It's been non stop for the last three hours. Could you please address this"

"Er, he's got ADHD. I suggest you think less about your life and rights, and consider only how hard my life is. I notice you haven't put your house on the market, or sewn your ears shut, which seem like perfectly reasonable steps to be taken before I... I....have to.... (clutches pearls, faints with level of entitlement) consider taking him inside"

@turndownthevolume Still thinking that I won’t go round, that it is unlikely that the child in question has SEN, but that, if we have another day like yesterday with more screeching than usual, I might call loudly over the fence to ask if they could keep it down a bit. honestly I think it would be better to go round than call through the fence. I wouldn’t do either but as I said up thread it’s a reasonable response. If the child does have additional needs you could be being much more unkind than you think. If he doesn’t wouldn’t it be better approached the parents and make them aware?