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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going to lose my nut. How do you deal with this?

198 replies

Coffeetree · 08/09/2021 10:59

Happens all the time. Is it a woman thing? Where am I going wrong?

Family member/colleague/client: "Zomg stop what you're doing right now need to ask you something. Zomg now"

Me, gracefully setting a boundary: Just finishing something now but we could speak later today if you wish.

Them: Zomg no now now I'm just going to start asking anyway blah blah blah it'll take a sec.

Me, graciously giving them the benefit of the doubt: okay go ahead.

Them: Question

Me: Okay, that is a quick one. The answer is X

Them: The answer is X?

Me: The answer is X.

Them: yeah but I thought and are you sure and Facebook and my dad but yeah but what and yeah

Me, not at all graciously: That's my answer, bye.

Them: Why you gotta be so impatient and stuck-up like you have no time to talk to anyone.

Me: exploding

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 08/09/2021 11:02

"Zomg" ??

latte101 · 08/09/2021 11:02
Confused
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 08/09/2021 11:05

Stop answering texts until you have time to answer back?

Its a bit odd that you have so many very weird conversations with different people who all call you stuck up though.

OctaviaTriangle · 08/09/2021 11:06

This has never happened to me so I can't relate at all. I'm not actually sure what you mean 😀

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 08/09/2021 11:06

Quietly and calmly but very firmly keep on repeating sorry bit busy doing this I will get to you when I am done then ignore any further requests,Say it once and mean it. If they can;t and keep asking refer them to some one else.

Original poster
Coffeetree · 08/09/2021 11:06

Sorry "Zomg" is a sort of purposefully messy text-speak for "Oh my god". I just mean to convey that the other party is approaching with urgency and insisting I stop what I'm doing.

OP posts:
SaborDeSoledad · 08/09/2021 11:07

The do not disturb function on your phone is your friend!

Porridgealert · 08/09/2021 11:07

Yeah, families. I do contract work. Not very often, maybe 10 groups of 4 days a year. And I say don't ring me on these days. They have 325 other days to call me but apparently on those 40 days they have multiple, questions than cannot possibly wait. They need help to change energy supplier, they need my availability to book a holiday, they need to know if my mum (who doesn't live with me!) wants bread! It's just so irritating. Op, I feel your pain.

Original poster
Coffeetree · 08/09/2021 11:08

They're not texts! I gleefully ignore texts all the time. These are people physically coming to my desk or ringing and saying they must speak me nooooow.

OP posts:
JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 08/09/2021 11:09

I don't understand any of this. None of this relates.

Clients speak to you like this? If it's a message why can't you just ignore it until ready.
Why are they messaging you to tell you they want to ask a question rather than just use that message to ask it.

I'm so confused

Keroppi · 08/09/2021 11:09

Just don't answer after you so gracefully set your first boundary. You've said that you're busy and will respond later, so respond later.

Original poster
Coffeetree · 08/09/2021 11:10

The ones who call me stuck-up are the ones with whom I've lost patience and told to go away after I've answered a question twice.

OP posts:
JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 08/09/2021 11:10

@Coffeetree

They're not texts! I gleefully ignore texts all the time. These are people physically coming to my desk or ringing and saying they must speak me nooooow.
Give an actual example
PinkFootstool · 08/09/2021 11:10

Happens all the time with DH. I have told him how crazy it makes me. However, we think he has undiagnosed ADHD (siblings are diagnosed, he's very similar in traits, recently diagnosed with severe dyslexia and dyscalculia).

I manage it now by telling him I'm busy, and I'll come to him when I'm done. Inevitably he's sorted whatever it is by the time I've finished cooking / showering / typing / feeding the dogs etc.

Keroppi · 08/09/2021 11:11

If it's in person maybe a "I'm just in the middle of this but come back to me at specified time" would work?

Palavah · 08/09/2021 11:11

This doesn't happen to me.

Big difference between client and family member in this instance. Are you a lawyer or doctor or similar being asked for professional advice for free?

Expect for clients, stop at the point where they say 'I'm going to ask anyway.' Put the phone down, close the chat, whatever. Clients may need a slightly more delicate approach.

moynomore · 08/09/2021 11:13

This has literally never happened to me and I actually don't understand what is going on? Can you give a more concrete example?

Original poster
Coffeetree · 08/09/2021 11:13

@JasonMomoasgirlfriend

I don't understand any of this. None of this relates.

Clients speak to you like this? If it's a message why can't you just ignore it until ready.
Why are they messaging you to tell you they want to ask a question rather than just use that message to ask it.

I'm so confused

Exactly! Sometimes I'll get a text saying "Can I talk to you super urgently" and I respond with a white lie, like I'm on the train or on a group call, and I'll ask them to just text what info they need from me. They'll come back with "Zomg nooo must speak!" and so I ring and the above exchange takes place.
OP posts:
Legomania · 08/09/2021 11:15

Because sometimes people need an answer now and there is likely to be an expectation that you put what you're doing to one side for a minute? It's just one of the irritations of working with other people.

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 08/09/2021 11:15

Ok I think just ignore the txt until you are ready?

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 08/09/2021 11:16

But also some things are urgent and if it is a quick answer deliver it, say how you came to that conclusion and that's it.

Beamur · 08/09/2021 11:17

DH and I are both WFH at the moment. It doesn't happen often but he will still sometimes approach me when I'm working and launch into questions/conversation without asking if I am free.
If I can break off I will. If not I tell him I'm busy and need to finish what I'm doing. He seems a little perplexed when this happens Grin
But yes, this would irritate me too.

therearenogoodusernamesleft · 08/09/2021 11:18

Is this colleagues? Members of your tram?Family? What's the nature of your work?

5zeds · 08/09/2021 11:19

Well you’d have saved time by just answering the question.Grin

Original poster
Coffeetree · 08/09/2021 11:20

@moynomore

This has literally never happened to me and I actually don't understand what is going on? Can you give a more concrete example?
Okay, let's say I work in a teapot factory, and my colleague wants to know what kind of paintbrush to use to paint a certain kind of teapot.

Me: For those, we use the XYZ paintbrush.

Colleague : Are you sure?

Me: We use the XYZ paintbrush.

Colleague: I thought we used the ABC paintbrush. Does it matter which we use?

Me: Yes. We use the XYZ paintbrush

Colleague: Why are you so impatient and unapproachable?

OP posts:
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